Voucher Monkey Interview

For today’s new blog post, I am excited to tell you that I have had the opportunity to sit down with young and upcoming journalist, Voucher Monkey. We only had time for a brief chat, but here’s what we discussed.

Me: So when did you decide to go into journalism

Voucher Monkey: Well, it wasn’t really my choice. I was born in the wild, but then captured and forced to live in captivity. I was kept in a tiny cage in an office and secretly wrote one article to ruin the reputation of the business who captured me. It kind of went on from there.

Me: Oh, yes. That was the start of Ant and Dec Gate.

VM: Yeah, well that was supposed to be a real attack, you know? Something to say “look, you can’t keep me in a cage like this” but it completely misfired. Sure, people were angry, when I falsely reported that Ant and Dec had split, but they got so much traffic on the site that it was basically just a good thing. They even gave me a job.

Me: And how do you feel about you job?

VM: Well, I mean, obviously I prefer to be out of the cage doing something than in the cage gathering dust, but, man, its a depressing life. One fake news article a week… It’s not very fulfilling.

Me: Do you wish you had more to write?

VM: Well, I just think I get taken for granted. I mean, it’s a miracle I can talk, let alone the fact that I have a strong enough grasp of human culture to be able to write weekly, topical pieces of clickbait.

Me: Did you feel underappreciated before the articles too?

VM: Definitely. You know what they were going to do before that article was a success? They were gonna have me put to sleep. Yeah, they were gonna f-[removed]-ing kill me, man.

Me: And what can we expect from you in future?

VM: I don’t know. The future is what the future is. I don’t know how much longer I can do this fake news-gig.  I want to lash out at the world, but it just doesn’t feel as satisfying when people want you to lash out. This has become my whole identity. You know, back before all this, I was never called Voucher Monkey. I’m not even a monkey! Nobody even stops to ask if I’m male or female. It’s like I’m nothing but a gag. Day after day I sit in that cage and they’ll bring me out and make me dance, then they’ll put me back in and then make me write an article. I don’t want any of that. I just want to be free, you know? Running through the jungle. With my people. But it will never happen.

Me: Thanks for your time, I hope your career will take you to a happier place soon.

That was really quite a sad experience, to be honest. The creative industry does seem to take its toll on some. Let’s hope that things are happier for Voucher Monkey soon!

(Don’t miss today’s Finger Puppet Show!)

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