A couple of days ago I met up with a few of my friends at a local pub called The Great Western. It was a nice social affair (apart from my friends Elliott Egan and Mike Wing trying to teach me obscure and extremely explicit sexual manoeuvres) and I had a pretty good time. However, while there, I attempted to do something I perceived as a good deed, but it went terribly badly.
Here’s how it played out:
Elliott Egan: So anyway, to donkey punch a girl you have too…
Danielle Tyler: Can anybody lend me some money?
Me: (Thinking: Thank goodness for the distraction!) Yeah, of course, take what you want…
I then reached into the pocket of my jacket, grabbed my wallet, and threw it towards her. Unfortunately, I’m rather lacking in all hand-eye coordination skills and so my aim was rather off, so rather than landing nicely beside her (as I planned it to) it hit her glass of drink and all spilled directly all over her and into her hand bag (probably ruining several of her things).
Dani then ran off with one of her friends, she was very angry and upset about it. She was alcoholically impaired at the time, so her reaction doesn’t accurately represent her usually gentle and imperturbable behaviour. A little while later, Dani returned, so I was eager to make my apology. This didn’t go quite as planned either:
Me: (I said this at the same time as Elliott Egan spoke, I’ll write what he said below my own words) Hey, I’m really sorry about spilling your drink I-
Egan: Hey Dani, pyjama party at Karma this Thursday, don’t go to Turkey go to-
Dani: (presumably to both of us) Darn off!
(In case you can’t tell, I’m using ‘darn’ to substitute a different four letter word, as I always do on this blog)
Here’s how it played out:
Elliott Egan: So anyway, to donkey punch a girl you have too…
Danielle Tyler: Can anybody lend me some money?
Me: (Thinking: Thank goodness for the distraction!) Yeah, of course, take what you want…
I then reached into the pocket of my jacket, grabbed my wallet, and threw it towards her. Unfortunately, I’m rather lacking in all hand-eye coordination skills and so my aim was rather off, so rather than landing nicely beside her (as I planned it to) it hit her glass of drink and all spilled directly all over her and into her hand bag (probably ruining several of her things).
Dani then ran off with one of her friends, she was very angry and upset about it. She was alcoholically impaired at the time, so her reaction doesn’t accurately represent her usually gentle and imperturbable behaviour. A little while later, Dani returned, so I was eager to make my apology. This didn’t go quite as planned either:
Me: (I said this at the same time as Elliott Egan spoke, I’ll write what he said below my own words) Hey, I’m really sorry about spilling your drink I-
Egan: Hey Dani, pyjama party at Karma this Thursday, don’t go to Turkey go to-
Dani: (presumably to both of us) Darn off!
(In case you can’t tell, I’m using ‘darn’ to substitute a different four letter word, as I always do on this blog)
I’ve since been able to properly apologise to Danielle for being so clumsy, but I think you should take away from this the moral of the story: that you should never do anything erratically (like throwing a wallet to do a good deed) things only go well when you plan them out and do them nice and slowly.
