I had quite an upsetting nightmare the other day which I want to write about for today’s blog post. My dreams usually have quite a large emotional impact on me – sometimes I will dream that I am having a lot of fun spending time with one of my closest friends and then feel happy when I wake up in the morning, as if it had really happened. Other times I will dream that something really bad has happened, but then feel happy in the morning because it will all turn out to not have been real. But this dream was a negative one which didn’t leave me feeling happy in the morning.
At first, it seemed to be a nice dream. I was out having dinner at Nando’s with a large group of friends. Not only were all of my closest friends there, but so were several people who I only kind of know but who I still like a lot. This is the kind of event which is almost impossible to arrange in reality (due to the difficulty of coordinating adult schedules) so it was initially very pleasant. I wish I could have a dinner like it in reality. But things soon took a turn for the worse.
I can’t remember what caused it, but somebody eventually said to me “You know what? I think you’re kind of annoying.” This was met with comments of agreement from everybody there, who went on to talk about how none of them there really liked me after all. They complained that I was too naive, too needy and upbeat to a frustrating extent which they considered insincere. The criticisms went on and on and there wasn’t really very much I could say, other than to apologise. I felt miserable. I felt like I had lost everything that was important to me.
Then I woke up and I still felt quite sad about it all because it hadn’t fully sunk in that what I had just experienced was all just a figment of my imagination. Eventually I realised that it was all just a dream, but I didn’t feel instant relief. I still wasn’t feeling very happy, because it had been a stressful thing to experience even if it wasn’t real. I think a big part of the reason that this particular dream had such an effect is that I am somebody who places a lot of value on friendship and while I am generally somebody who feels happy and has fun most of the time, perhaps this is a concern which I always feel on some unconscious level. The idea that I am an outsider and that any friendship, no matter how strong, will eventually end.
It could, indeed, but an indicator of some of my own unhealthy attitudes. If this were to happen in reality, I would be distraught and I would not know what to do to make myself feel happy again. But then again, I think that most people would have an extremely negative reaction if this happened to them in real life. It could also be a manifestation of some form of self-doubt of self-hatred. This dream hasn’t had an ongoing effect on me, but it certainly gave me something to think about on the day. It’s very interesting to see the impact that our dreams can have on us and as this was a very unique experience for me, I wanted to write about it for today’s blog post.
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