In June I ended up being made redundant because of COVID-19. It was all very sudden, leaving me jobless unexpectedly. This actually ended up being my longest period of unemployment as an adult and lasted just a few weeks shy of eight months.
Naturally, being out of work for so long is quite a financial drain. I had bills and rent too pay and every now and then, I had a moment of worry or doubt. What will I do if my money runs out? Thankfully, this wasn’t something which worried me too often – I had a lot of money saved up and I remained confident throughout that my next job was just around the corner… but still, every now and then it popped into my head just as I was trying to get to sleep, or I’d feel a bit guilty whenever I had a takeaway or indulged in any other kind of treat for myself.
Thankfully, a couple of weeks ago I was offered a new job and I no longer need to worry about my income. The other day, I thought to myself “Wouldn’t it have been nice to go back to June and tell myself that I’d find another job and everything would be okay?” and in a way, yes, it would, because it would have eliminated those occasional moments of doubt and concern – but on the other hand, it’s probably for the best that I didn’t know. If I had known I’d be fine, maybe I’d have become complacent. Perhaps I’d have worried less about buying things for myself and drained my savings too quickly. Perhaps I’d have felt it was less important to apply for jobs every day and taken more days “off” – ultimately, if I’d known that everything would be okay, maybe it paradoxically wouldn’t have been. Maybe then I’d have lost the drive to make everything “okay”.
And in a way, that’s quite a nice thought. Regardless of the situation, we can’t know that we’ll be okay, because maybe then we won’t – but just because we don’t know it, it doesn’t mean it won’t happen.