Why the Trust Water Bottle is this winter’s ‘must have’ accessory

I’m sure you’ve noticed how winter is beginning to kick in. One layer is no longer enough to keep you warm outside, your breath floats up as steam and the main thing keeping you warm is the heating… Luckily for you, today’s blog entry is about this season’s ‘hottest’ accessory which will definitely keep you in the summery feeling all winter long.
    Imagine, for a second, that you already have your own Trust Water Bottle; it seems very obvious to me that you won’t be able to resist its temptations. Before long you’ll be guzzling down litre after litre of that delicious water (or ecstasy juice, as it’s more commonly referred to). Anywho, I’m sure you know what happens to you when you drink a lot of water… That’s right! You use a lot of toilets. Of course, when you’re drinking all these exceedingly large amounts of water, you won’t always have instant access to a toilet and, as such, will simply have to hold it in. Now, I’m sure you know, when you really badly need to use the toilet you’ll be completely oblivious to all other feelings, thus meaning you will not feel the cold!
    But that’s not the only way that a Trusty Water Bottle will keep you warm this winter! On those icy cold days you’ll be drinking a lot of icy cold water. When it’s a cold day you’ll be cold on the outside but warm on the inside, the icy cold water will make you also cold on the inside, then, once you’re able to recover you will be warm… in comparison to the cold you were a second before!
    But aside from the fact that a Trusty Water Bottle will keep you feeling like you’re in a sauna when you’re in sub-zero temperatures, it also acts as the most effective safety devise you can get during the winter months. Let me explain. Imagine you’re strolling through the busy streets of a city one chilly afternoon, you wander in a back alley to make a shortcut on the way to the nearest Waterstone’s and, unfortunately for you, there’s an armed mugger waiting for you. The mugger grabs you from behind and points a knife to your neck, demanding you give him your wallet. You fake some kind of panic attack and say you need some water, the mugger lets go of you and allows you to take a sip from your Trusty Water Bottle, you pour its contents on the floor shout “try and catch me you silly man!” and run away. The mugger will try and chase after you, but unfortunately for him, the water you poured on the floor is now slippery ice and he violently slips up shattering his skull and spine when he hits the floor.
    So I hope I’ve demonstrated to you why exactly the Trusty Water Bottle is this season’s ‘must have’ item. I suggest you get down to the shops and buy one now before they’re all bought up!
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