This entry is going to be about the feeling of intoxication. In fact, this entry is going to be an attempt to dissuade others from ever drinking so much that they become drunk.
Now, I don’t like drinking alcohol, I’m quite happy with my Trusty Water Bottle. In fact, the very name of this blog ‘Trusty Water Blog’ is a joke based around the fact that I ‘always’ have it with me. Well, I put always in quotation marks, but it is literally always. Anywho, I’m going off topic… Really, I am quite hypocritical though. I often claim that I don’t like to drink anything but water, but there have been one or two occasions where I have ended up drinking alcohol. A couple of times, even too excess… Though in fairness to myself, one time I was tricked into doing so, and the other times the alcohol was either bought for me or literally forced into my hand… Though I suppose that’s no better than a Nazi officer’s excuse of “I was just doing my job!”.
Anywho, I’m going to describe the process as best as I can so that others can know the real horror of becoming drunk. So at first, you may feel a little more confident. This first stage isn’t bad, it’s actually pretty good, really. Let me explain it in a little more detail without the alcohol you’ll have this thought process “Oh, I just thought of a funny joke! Maybe I should tell people… Nah, it’s probably not funny, or they won’t get it and I’ll just end up embarrassed with even less friends” so you keep quiet, but alcohol changes it to “I just thought of a funny joke! Better tell it!” and you do. It’s good because often what you say actually is funny and people laugh and then respect you more, but the downside is that you’ll say things that aren’t funny which will get the reaction your sober self feared.
Then comes the second stage, which is much worse. This is when your body begins to take control of itself. You’ll say something that is really stupid, something you’d never say sober. You’ll even think to yourself “Why did I say such a stupid thing? I know it’s not clever or funny, I’m so embarrassed!” but this doesn’t stop your body. It only gets worse from here onward; this one stupid comment will then snowball into much worse things…
Then comes stage three. In stage three you begin to act very emotionally, it’s around here that you actually seem to develop an additional mind. The additional mind takes control of your body and, usually, feels very depressed. You’ll incoherently ramble about something the additional mind wants to talk about while you are thinking “Oh how I wish I had control over my body so that I could stop doing these reputation shattering things!” During this time you may even break the confidence of your friends and say things you shouldn’t have to complete strangers.
Then comes the dreaded stage four. The drunken additional mind now has full control and you feel very dizzy. You stumble while you walk, slur your words and do other generally embarrassing things. Your drunken mind’s rambling is all you’ll say, and you may consider texting your friends and apologising for becoming so drunk, even though they wouldn’t care.
Basically, at this point, all you can do is watch through your eyes as you become possessed by some obnoxious clumsy fool. It’s one of the most painful experiences of all, you know what you say and do is embarrassing, but you have absolutely no control over yourself…
This is just a summary of my own experiences with alcohol, your own may, possibly, vary. A lot of people do, after all, enjoy becoming drunk. So even if this doesn’t persuade you not to drink to excess, it should, at least, give a compelling account of why I do not drink.