I recently thought to myself, “Why are there so many songs that seem to be about delicious food, but are actually just about sex, but none that are the other way around?” Then I thought that if I wanted that to exist, I may as well write it myself. Here are the lyrics to a song I like to call Maximum Pleasure.
Wanna know what makes me really hard?
I’m talking about the vegetable, chard,
It’s good for my bones with lots of Vitamin C,
What else did you think it was goin’ to be?
Speakin’ of which, you know what gets me aroused?
It’s when I’ve got ice cream in my house
Slurp, slurp, slurp, it’s runnin’ down my face
Slurp, slurp, slurp, I know no better taste
CHORUS:
You think this song is about genitals,
But actually it’s about vegetables,
You think this song is gonna be lude,
But it’s just about eatin’ fruit,
You think this song is about masturbation,
But it’s actually about mastication,
Chomp, chomp, chomp,
Count every bite,
Chomp, chomp, chomp,
Oh, yeah, you’re doin’ right
You know me, I like ’em six inches long
With a lenghthy banana, you can’t go wrong
Stick it in your mouth and you’ll start to smile,
Livin’ the high magnesium lifestyle.
And you wanna know what makes me come?
Nando’s of course, could there be another one?
It has delicious food and it’s always lots of fun,
If a restaurant is bad, I stay at home. I won’t come.
[CHORUS]
You know what’s round and I like to squeeze?
A supermarket packet of Halloumi cheese.
Speaking of which, guess my favourite hole.
Yeah, that’s right, I eat Swiss cheese whole.
Watermelon sugar: can’t get enough of that.
Cunnilingus? What the heck is that?
Why did you think I was talking ’bout sex?
I’m just payin’ tribute to some talented chefs.
[CHORUS]
Now let’s talk about the greatest pleasure of all,
Take of your clothes and leave them on the floor,
When I get started, I’ll make you scream,
This is so much better than your wildest dream,
This is pure passion and it’s gonna ignite,
When you eat a nice bowl of Angel Delight,
But it’s a bit sloppy and you might make a splash,
Isn’t it lucky you got no clothes on your back?
Nothin’ wrong with eating in the nude,
Just keep your clothes clean, you know it, dude.
You think this song is about genitals,
But actually it’s about vegetables,
You think this song is gonna be lude,
But it’s just about eatin’ fruit,
You think this song is about masturbation,
But it’s actually about mastication,
Chomp, chomp, chomp,
Count every bite,
Chomp, chomp, chomp,
Oh, yeah, you’re doin’ right
Chomp, chomp, chomp
Know what I wanna convey?
Chomp, chomp, chomp
Get your five-a-day.
