Gay Argument

A few does ago I posted an entry talking about my Wonderful Writing Website, which is a website I made for Creative Writing coursework. I post pieces of my own writing on there and pieces by any other writer who’d like to contribute! Here’s ‘Gay Argument’ a non-fiction piece of writing which I posted on there, hopefully this little taster will persuade you to take a visit to the site yourself (here’s a link).

I don’t particularly like the fact that I’m often mistaken for being gay. I have nothing at all against homosexuals, but I don’t want people to think I’m gay. I mean, it’d be like if everybody thought you were a huge fan of a certain TV series and so bought you all of the DVDs, even though there’s another programme you’d much prefer (Or maybe your just more of a book person?).
    Nonetheless, my good friend Elliott Egan was really rather insistent that I was secretly gay. I may not be the epitome of masculinity, but that doesn’t place me in an entirely different sexual orientation. He even decided to explain to me the ‘evidence’ of this claim.
    The fact that I had ‘made out with a guy’ was his strongest point. But to tell it like that is to tell it completely inaccurately. I would tell the story as me being ‘indecently attacked’ by a guy. I suppose I had better give the details.  My good friend Christian Watkins had thrown a house party and had, rather kindly, invited me. He and I had parted ways about a year or so before and during that time he had made some new friends, and these friends were a little crazy if you know what I mean. After a couple of alcoholic beverages one of the females there was ready to take off their clothes and become nude. Luckily though I was able to persuade her to remain clothed (this was also used as ‘evidence’ by Egan). Anywho, the evening went along and I stayed in the garden doing general party things, by which I mean standing around and drinking water. I then overheard a conversation between three of the partygoers who were stood a short distance from me.
    “Ah, go on,” said a male, “you know you want too!”
    “No we don’t!” replied a female. “It’s just gross.”
    “Nah, it’ll be great!” he protested enthusiastically.
    “Don’t be stupid, we’re not going to make out with each other,” said the second female. “You wouldn’t make out with another guy if a girl told you to would you? So why would we?”
    “I’m secure enough with my sexuality that I can happily make out with a guy.”
    “Alright, prove it then,” teased one of them.
    And so he did.
    He then grabbed the guy nearest to him and started making out with him, just to prove his point. Rather unfortunately for me, I happened to be the nearest guy to him. Now, before I go on to explain exactly what happened, let me give you a little description of my male suitor: he was very tall, almost as tall as I am, the difference was he was also rather muscular, he probably was quite a skilled rugby player or something. I, meanwhile, am rather thin and weak, so when this large man grabbed me in his strong arms and proceeded to have his wicked way with me, there wasn’t a particularly large number of things I could do about it. At first, I tried to squirm free of his grasp, but that proved to be entirely futile. Then I thought of something, I would have smiled at the idea of my new escape plan, but, as it was, my mouth was full at that precise moment. I always carry a water bottle with me, if I gave him a quick squirt to the back of the head, this was bound to bring this madness to an end.  Alas, it seemed I was too tightly gripped to grab my plastic companion.  It was with this failed escape plan that I decided to give up and accept my unlucky fate.
    Sometime later he had finished with me, and once he had, he returned to his two female friends (but not before thanking me for “letting”him do that). I think the whole thing had lasted for about ten seconds but it felt as if it lasted an awfully long time to me, I’m sure I could have watched Back to the Future during it. I rinsed my mouth out was some water and that was the end of the situation. This does quite clearly show that I was a strictly neutral party in this endeavour and not, as Egan was insisting, doing anything gay.
    “Yeah maybe,” Egan replied. “But what about that time on ChatRoulette?”
    Now, for those who’re unfamiliar with ChatRoulette, I’ll briefly describe it to you: it’s a website where you’re put into video chats using webcams with total strangers. I’ve made some lovely internet friends through this website so I do occasionally use it. During one particular visit, a couple of females appeared on the screen looking back at me.
    “Hello!” I typed. “How are you?”
    “We’re good… want to play a game? ;)”
    “Yes, of course! What shall we play? Word association? I quite like word association…”
    “Not that kind of game ;)…”
    These two strangers then proceeded to take off all of their clothes.
    “Ah right…” I wrote, feeling rather disappointed.
    “Wanna see us do stuff?” she and her friend had rather mischievous smiles upon their faces.
    I had to handle the situation delicately “Hmm, I don’t mean to sound rude, but would you mind putting your clothes back on? If you do we could have a nice regular chat, and we could play word association!”
    The mischievous grins dropped and frowns formed. A second later the pair of them were gone and the words “Your partner disconnected” had appeared.  A narrow escape there. Now, Egan may use this as evidence for my supposed homosexuality “any guy would love that situation” being his pain point, but I think what he meant to say was “I would love that situation”.
    And so that’s Egan’s argument about me being gay. I’m hoping you’ll have come to a different conclusion than he did after reading it. Luckily, these are the only two major points he has in favour of his argument. However, rather pessimistically I suppose, I wouldn’t be surprised if he finds himself with some more ‘evidence’ sooner or later…

EDIT: The Wonderful Writing Website no longer exists. Sorry.
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