There was a pretty cool leaver’s party for all the people in my 6th form. At the end of the night I was stood with Elliott Egan when this conversation took place… I’ve substituted all swear words for the word ‘darn’.
    Egan is on the floor, I’m stood beside him in the streets and then a woman walks past us.
    “Hello,” he said, slurring the word as he did so.
    The woman continued walking, completely ignoring him.
    “That’s pretty rude, you darn!” he shouted.
    The woman continued walking, still ignoring him.
    “She probably thinks you’re just a drunken weirdo,” I said to him. “And since you are actually drunk…”
    “I was gonna darn you all night,” he shouted to her, ignoring me.
    “These are really inappropriate things to say to strangers,” I told him, in the politest way I could.
    “Who cares she’s a darn,” he said to me, before talking to the passing woman again. “I was gonna take you home with me! You’re so fit, come back! I apologise, I really wanna darn you.”
    “She’s gone,” I told him.
    “Oh well, she can still hear me.”
    “She can’t,” I said, but this didn’t stop him saying one last thing to her.
    “Fine then leave! I’m going home with the next girl who walks past!” He then slumped down and lay silently on the floor.
    No other females did walk past. So, unfortunately for Egan, he was unable to try out his expert seduction skills on anyone else. Personally, I’m amazed he didn’t manage to set himself up with a future wife with that woman; I mean the ‘Hello’ to a stranger clearly shows that their souls must have been in sync, but clearly she’d rather punch destiny in the face and continue to live a solitary life. That’s sarcasm, by the way.
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