Indecent Exposure

There’s one thing, in my experience, which a lot of males can quite happily do, and that is to urinate in public behind a tree, or a bush (or whatever). I, meanwhile, absolutely hate doing anything like that. I don’t even use urinals. Or stand at the regular toilet. But one time, I found myself with no other option.

I had been invited to a house party and everybody there had gotten quite drunk. I don’t drink alcohol, but I did drink a good few litres of water, thanks to my Trusty Water Bottle and so the time soon came when I needed to use the toilet. I walked over to the bathroom and found somebody sitting outside it.

“Is somebody in there?” I asked.

It turned out that somebody was in there, but only because drunkenness had gotten them very upset and they had locked themselves in the bathroom to cry about it. The person standing outside the bathroom was there as a guard.

“Could you, perhaps, ask them to get out?” I asked. “I need to go in quite badly.”

The person guarding the room was rather offended by this, as if what I had said had been horribly insensitive. But, in my defence, I really needed to go in and this person could cry somewhere else. I don’t mean to be rude, but, if it weren’t for the alcohol they’d not be crying in there anyway, so, it’s not like there was a serious problem. I guess if I hadn’t needed to go so badly, I could have been nicer about it. Nonetheless, I wasn’t allowed to use the bathroom and I had to hold it in for the rest of the night,

At about 12 a.m., I decided it was time to head home. I said goodbye to my friends and started walking back. I got about half way, and it really didn’t feel like I could wait any longer. I had been holding it in for hours by that point. Since it was so late, nobody was around. The temptation to just do it against a tree was too strong and, in the end, I relented.

At that exact moment a police car drove by. What could have been a very awkward situation, however, was thankfully averted when I slowly edged myself around the tree so that I was behind it, meaning they couldn’t see me. I may have had my reservations against doing that before, but that experience has taught me that it is never a good idea.

(Today is the one hundredth strip of the Finger Puppet Show! It’s a special one today too, don’t miss it.)

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