Fifty Shades of Beige

Just thought I’d use a spin on the title of the popular contemporary erotica novel in order to get your attention. Unfortunately for those of you who were hoping for some kind of parody or homage to that novel, I actually know nothing about it and this entry will actually be about my colour blindness (something I don’t believe I have mentioned on here before).
    My favourite colour is beige and, since 2008, every pair of socks I have bought has been beige. As such, when I needed to buy some new socks in the winter of 2011, the ones I decided to get were coloured beige. I bought two packs, each of them had three pairs in, and so overall I had six pairs of socks (I don’t want to impair my mathematically challenged readers). They weren’t all coloured Standard Beige though, in fact, there was a kind of spectrum for each pack: one pair Light Beige, one pair Standard Beige, one pair Dark Beige. As such, I had two pairs in each colour.
    That sounds simple enough right? Well maybe it is for all of you Colour Non-Blinds, but for me, that’s a real challenge. Sometimes, I’ll have six of the socks with me, but amongst them I won’t be able to find one pair. This is pretty strange considering the fact that there HAS to be a pair there. But no, it often looks to me that every single sock is a different shade of beige. I have to stare really, really closely at two pairs, and eventually it’ll be clear that they are the same, but oftentimes I’ll get it wrong and end up wearing odd pairs. What’s particularly strange is how some days I’ll see them all as different colours (and hence see more colours than are there, despite being colour-blind) but then other days they’ll pretty much all look the same… I think that that is quite interesting philosophically, at least when it comes to differing perceptions of reality.
    But, anyway, I’m feeling guilty about the misleading title; there are only twelve shades of beige at most, which is nowhere near fifty. Here’s a red hot erotic story to make up for it: a couple of people (you choose the gender for each of them) meet. They slowly become closer and closer. In the end these best friends fall in love, start a partnership and consolidate it with a hug. Aww.

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Colour is Only Wood Deep

Here’s a new little finger puppet story for you! This one stars Buster the Boy.
NOTE: Finger puppets can be bought here, but this particular one seems to have been discontinued.
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General Mumblings of a Student

A good friend of mine has recently started writing a new blog called General Mumblings of a Student. So far there are only two entries, but I suggest you start checking it regularly because there are bound to be some very interesting posts in future (based on the high quality of other blogs by the same person). Like the Trusty Water Blog, it doesn’t actually have a ‘theme’ and will just be comprised of whatever pops into the author’s head. So take a look, I hope you’ll enjoy it!
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The Time Machine by H. G. Wells

The Time Machine is a short novel set in the distant future. It basically explores ideas about future evolutionary stages of humanity through an exciting nineteenth century adventure story! The main character is a mysterious man known only as “The Time Traveller” and it’s written as if somebody had met him and heard him tell all of these fantastical stories.

I can’t really fault the story, it’s basically a nicely exciting ripping yarn and anybody who likes a good old fashion adventure story will like this. However, there is one small problem I have with how the story is written which stems from how it was originally published: it wasn’t a novel at first, it was serialised in a magazine. This meant that a new chapter would have been published each month (or however regularly new editions came out) and so each chapter starts with a brief recap of the last. This might be good for anybody who takes considerable pauses between readings, but it does get a little annoying if you plan to read more than one chapter at a time.

What is good though, are the philosophical ideas used in Wells’ idea of the future. While there have been countless pieces of fiction which are set within the future of humanity, I’m not aware of many which deal with the possibilities of future human evolution. The idea behind the way in which the humans evolve in the novel is based on Wells views on issues from the time, but this isn’t something which distracts from this excellent story – if anything, it compliments them.

Furthermore, one thing that makes even the less interesting parts of the story just as exciting is that Wells has a particularly nice writing style. Everything he writes is just so eloquent and it makes him seem the archetype of an Edwardian gentleman. This isn’t just something that applies to this novel either, Wells writing voice always sounds amazing.

So, on the whole, while the transition between chapters might get annoying, this is still an excellent story and written superbly too! 9/10

Buy it here.

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Religious Debate

Just a small conversation from the lives of Simon the Skeleton and Graham the Ghost.
Just thought I’d better put a little disclaimer at the bottom: I’m not trying to make fun of people who do believe in God and/or ghosts, and I’m not trying to make fun of people who don’t believe them either. It is simply a joke.

NOTE: All finger puppets can be bought here.

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Sadness

When a friend of mine was feeling unhappy, I made this for them to try and cheer them up, after that I decided it was good enough to post here. So, should you be feeling at all unhappy, and I hope you’re not, but if you are, here is a little message from Colin the Cow to cheer you up a little.
I’ll most probably make more of these in the future.

NOTE: All finger puppets can be bought here.

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How to Celebrate Results Day

Some people already know that they’ve done well for this year’s worth of work, and other’s will be finding out soon. Now, I imagine a lot of you will want to shake off all of the metaphorical dust which has gathered all over you during your long periods of study and, as such, I’ve decided to write you a little guide for how to have a really shackle shakingly fun time on Results Day.

1. Go to Sainsbury’s.
This popular supermarket should be pretty easy for you to find and, indeed, even if you can’t find it any alternative should do. Now, a visit to Sainsbury’s is a fun filled exciting day all on its own, but this is just going to be a small part of your celebratory day.

2. Buy an Angel Delight
This shouldn’t be hard to find, they’ll be either in the home baking section or the dried milk section. Alternatively, you can follow my link above and buy it from Amazon. However, Amazon purchases are more expensive AND they negate the fun trip to Sainsbury’s so it clearly is the less desirable option.

3. Plan a time to eat the Angel Delight
Whenever you’re free will do. It might be nice to watch a film during this time too because then you have an extra sensory stimulus, rather than just the taste.

4. Do Not Invite Your Friends
I mean, let’s face it, you have a small circle of friends and you don’t want to be suffering the pain of rejection on a celebration day do you?

5. Make The Angel Delight.
Follow instruction on the bag for details.

6. Eat the Angel Delight
I hope you will have enjoyed my results day celebration procedure.

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The Sleepy Murderer 

Before I start writing this little anecdote, I want to write a little disclaimer. It’s entirely possible that, by making this blog entry, I will be misrepresenting an innocent person. This blog entry is about an event that I witnessed and a person who seemed to be really rather suspicious but he may well have been a perfectly innocent person. Anyway…

As is often the case, I was sitting at Bath Bus Station happily waiting for the 232 to Corsham to arrive and playing Tetris while I did so. This was actually the same day that I made this video. After a short period of time a couple of young teenage girls approached. Between themselves, they complained about a “creepy” man they had seen who “probably fancied” one of them.
My initial reaction to this conversation was “Sheesh! These people seem awfully judgemental. I wonder which peculiar seeming, yet innocent, person they are talking about?” my little question was answered a little while later when he made appearance.

The man looked pretty cool actually: he was a little short, wore a blazer and a bowler hat. I thought to myself that somebody who wears slightly unusual (and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, I just mean that you don’t usually see people wearing that) clothes had just been categorised as ‘creepy’ by these young girls. Anyway, he then started talking to them.

“Hello, girls,” he said, sounding friendly enough.

They both said “Hello.”

“Is this your bus then?” he asked, pointing to the bay where the 232 arrived.

“Yes it is,” said one of them.

“Ah I see, I’m not sure where my bus is,” he told them.

“Okay.”

“Well nice to see you again, girls,” he said and then kissed one of them on the cheek.

After this little interaction, I still wasn’t entirely sure that he was anything but a harmless overly friendly person, after all, maybe he did that to everybody.

A little while later the “Creepy Man” returned and, this time, I decided to do a little experiment. As he got closer I looked at him and gave him a friendly smile, waiting to see how he would react to this. However, he simply ignored me and this was most probably a much bigger invitation for interaction than any of the girls had given him.

But, anyway, he then chatted and waited with the girls, every now and then he’d wander off somewhere and they’d talk about how unnerved they were about the whole thing. Eventually the 232 bus to Corsham arrived and I, and the teenagers, got up, ready to go on board. I sat down in my usual seat (fifth row, on the left) and the girls sat down a little behind me. I heard them talking with relief that the man was now gone. However, things took a small turn for the worse when he got on the bus too, he even asked the driver where the bus went. Now, maybe I am just being suspicious, but this is what gives me the idea that he had some malicious intentions towards these girls because his getting onto this bus seemed a contradiction to his saying that he didn’t know which bus to get on, surely he would realise he was standing right next to his stop?

Once he got on the bus, he sat down next to the girls for a little bit, but, after a short while, moved to a seat by himself. I wasn’t entirely sure that I had judged the situation correctly, so I sent a text message to a friend of mine asking them for their opinion and they seemed to agree with me. I decided I would keep an eye on this person, if they got off at the same stop as the girls perhaps I would too and intervene if necessary. However, about half way through the journey, I noticed that the man seemed to be fast asleep! Even if he had been planning to do evil, the Sleepy Murderer now would probably snooze all the way to the end of the line. And he did.

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Some Grey Bloke

The videos by Some Grey Bloke on YouTube are made as if they were an average middle aged man making an online vlog. Most of them are very funny and he covers a large range of subjects: religion, social networking, relationships etc. Also, there are often videos made about current affairs. Here’s a link to the channel and here’s one of my favourite videos (based on the past ‘Swine Flu’ panic):
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Why Can’t You All Be Like Dalfino?

When I’m writing short stories (and other forms of fiction) one thing that I struggle with especially is thinking of names. What adds to this problem is that I can’t give my characters names which also happen to belong to my friends because then people may assume that the characters are either based on them or made in honour of them. While it isn’t really a problem is they think I named a character in honour of them, it is problematic if they believe that the character is somehow based on them. If people think a character is based on them I have to avoid making them bad because, obviously, I don’t want it to seem like I’m insulting them, but at the same time, I can’t make them too good either because then there’s the risk that my friends will think I’m secretly obsessed with them.


Here’s a list of all the normal every day names I can’t use anymore:
Ben
Chris
Davey
David
Elliott
George
Kristen
Laura
Mike
Naomi
Oscar
Rory
Sam
Samantha
Stacey


That’s, like, all of the most common ones! But then, take Dalfino, I’ve never known anybody with that name before and, most probably, I never will again either. So why can’t all of you have really unique names like Dalfino? Then it would be somewhat easier for me to think of names for fictional characters.
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