The existence of a very important charitable organisation has come to my attention, please visit the site immediately.
Link

As I’m sure you know, there are some people who takes the Bible 100% literally, which, while not a bad thing on its own, can lead homophobic hate crime and other disagreeable things. So, for today’s entry. So to criticise this point of view, I am going to use The Bible (and no other sources) to create an argument that the word of God, should you believe it exists, cannot be found through the Bible.
    Let me quickly explain the start of Genesis for those of you not wholly familiar with it: God makes the world, then he’s kind enough to take one of Adam’s ribs and turn it into a woman (Eve). Adam and Eve have fun in the Garden of Eden, but then an evil serpent (some say it was supposed to be the devil… I think that that is a bit unlikely) persuades Eve to eat from the one tree God told her not to eat from and then she persuades Adam to do the same. God feels sad about this so he banishes them from the garden and puts them out into an imperfect world. God also makes Adam and Eve imperfect, they don’t like being naked and will one day die. One crucial thing, though, is that Adam and Eve still speak the perfect Original Language.
    A couple of years down the line some humans decide to build a tower so tall that it goes all the way to the heavens. God gets upset about this, so he decides to curse humanity so that different groups people have different languages. With the creation of the different languages the Original Language was lost forever, and that would have been the only perfect language, and therefore the only way that facts and information can be truly and properly conveyed.
    Now, if the only way to properly convey things infallibly is with the Original Language and the Bible is NOT written in that perfect language then surely The Bible is fallible? So maybe the Ancient Hebrews, when the time came to write The Bible, found that they had no way to explain what actually happened in their own language and so, instead of writing divine truth, filled it with all kinds of violence and injustices that were common in that historical context? I hope this argument hasn’t offended anybody, I have tried to argue using only The Bible as a source in the hope that I will not stray in my argument.

Unfortunately, I don’t have an exciting creepy entry for you, which is a shame seeing as it’s Halloween, so instead I’ll type up my day, which has been more boring than any other day. I was riding into university this morning on the bus, it was an incredibly misty day and it was hard to see more than three metres ahead. I was quite tired, but soon the bus began to swerve. I looked through the windshield window and saw a rather tall and thin man standing in the middle of the road in a business suit.
    I’m not entirely sure what happened with that bus thing, but the next I knew I was laying in the middle of the road. I was a little confused and felt about myself to check that I was okay. Luckily, my Trusty Water Bottle appeared to be undamaged (as did my Game Boy) so I stood up and brushed myself off. At this point I realised that I could see, through the mist, that the sky was some bright shade of red and that the sun was nowhere to be seen. It’s probably the most interesting thing I’ve noticed all day; I guess it must be some weird natural phenomenon that occurs during the winter months.
    Anywho, I wandered over to the place of my first lecture. Annoyingly, when I arrived there wasn’t a soul in sight; it appeared as if everybody had gone home due to the mist. Really, leaving due to a weather condition as mundane as fog seems rather lazy (not to sound rude at all).
    I left the building that my lecture was supposed to be in and then strolled on over back to the bus-stop, I’d catch my bus from there and head back to Corsham. The buses are supposed to arrive every twenty minutes, but I waited for two hours and none came. I was going to leave after thirty minutes but decided I was too cynical in deciding it wouldn’t arrive and so waited a little longer.
    After the two hours of waiting I realised that the buses had obviously been cancelled due to the mist. This wasn’t too bad though, there’s some nice wilderness surrounding the university so I decided it was strolling time. I walked towards the wilderness area but unfortunately, and embarrassingly, I bumped into a large statue that I hadn’t spotted in the mist. Funnily enough, the statue was of a tall and thin business suited man, this statue must’ve been what the bus crashed into earlier! Silly bus driver.
    I wandered down into the woods and, while there, I realised that everywhere I went there was a distinctive humming/pulsating noise coming from somewhere. It must have been the noise of machines working against the fog. While in the woods, I accidentally bumped into that statue again, which was slightly odd, as I had been sure it wasn’t in the woods earlier. I got a little bored of my wandering after a while and so turned out of the misty woods and back towards the main campus.
    It was while I walked back over to the campus that I got the idea of using the computers they had in the library to while away the hours. Once I got near to the library I noticed that the university had already put up their Halloween decorations, and they sure were good ones! Lying randomly around on the ground were several skeletons, all of them wearing the same clothes as people I knew, the university really must put the effort into their decorations, dressing them in the same clothes as the students sure was a suitably creepy touch. I pulled out my phone to text my friends that they had skeletons there that wore the same clothes as them, but when I got my phone out it just crumbled to dust… Technology these days! None of it will outlast a simple Game Boy Pocket.
    Then, after that I just used their computers for a few hours. Well more than that I guess as it’s almost 9 p.m. now, I wonder when the buses will run again? But as you can see, this has been a very boring day for me, absolutely nothing has happened. Oh, it turns out that business man wasn’t a statue! He just entered the computer room, I’ll just finish up this entry and then go and say hello to him. Perhaps he runs the buses.

(First, I would like to apologise to any regular readers (if there are any) who were expecting a new entry on Monday (as I usually post). The fact is, I plainly forgot about my blog on Monday and it didn’t even cross my mind to update it until Tuesday evening when I decided just to skip updating for that day (rather than do it so late).)

Anywho, today’s entry will be another entry in my ‘Failed Joke’ series, all of which are anecdotes involving my poor execution of jokes I’ve thought up and the inevitable awkwardness which always follows.

Friend: So I heard you have a fetish for rodents.
Me: (thinking) Hmm, they’re the one that started the joke this time, whatever I say will be a funny continuation of what they said and there’s no chance of failing with this one!
Me: (speaking) Yes, you heard correctly, I do have a fetish for rodents. It’s the fact that they’re so small and everything.
Friend: I can imagine, you being so tall and everything, you must like that they’re the opposite. I guess a caged hamster drives you crazy.
Me: (thinking) Yes, this interaction is going perfectly! We’re now BFFs for sure!
Me: (speaking) Yeah, I’m actually such a fan of rodents (does internet search while talking) that I’m a member of RAG, The Rodent Appreciation Group it’s my favourite website. I’ll email a link to you right now.
Planned reaction:
Friend: Hahahahahahaha that’s so funny, I couldn’t respect you more.
Me: 😀
Actual reaction:
Friend: Oh, why did you send me that? You took it too far, you’re so weird.
Me: 🙁

I’m sure you’ve noticed how winter is beginning to kick in. One layer is no longer enough to keep you warm outside, your breath floats up as steam and the main thing keeping you warm is the heating… Luckily for you, today’s blog entry is about this season’s ‘hottest’ accessory which will definitely keep you in the summery feeling all winter long.
    Imagine, for a second, that you already have your own Trust Water Bottle; it seems very obvious to me that you won’t be able to resist its temptations. Before long you’ll be guzzling down litre after litre of that delicious water (or ecstasy juice, as it’s more commonly referred to). Anywho, I’m sure you know what happens to you when you drink a lot of water… That’s right! You use a lot of toilets. Of course, when you’re drinking all these exceedingly large amounts of water, you won’t always have instant access to a toilet and, as such, will simply have to hold it in. Now, I’m sure you know, when you really badly need to use the toilet you’ll be completely oblivious to all other feelings, thus meaning you will not feel the cold!
    But that’s not the only way that a Trusty Water Bottle will keep you warm this winter! On those icy cold days you’ll be drinking a lot of icy cold water. When it’s a cold day you’ll be cold on the outside but warm on the inside, the icy cold water will make you also cold on the inside, then, once you’re able to recover you will be warm… in comparison to the cold you were a second before!
    But aside from the fact that a Trusty Water Bottle will keep you feeling like you’re in a sauna when you’re in sub-zero temperatures, it also acts as the most effective safety devise you can get during the winter months. Let me explain. Imagine you’re strolling through the busy streets of a city one chilly afternoon, you wander in a back alley to make a shortcut on the way to the nearest Waterstone’s and, unfortunately for you, there’s an armed mugger waiting for you. The mugger grabs you from behind and points a knife to your neck, demanding you give him your wallet. You fake some kind of panic attack and say you need some water, the mugger lets go of you and allows you to take a sip from your Trusty Water Bottle, you pour its contents on the floor shout “try and catch me you silly man!” and run away. The mugger will try and chase after you, but unfortunately for him, the water you poured on the floor is now slippery ice and he violently slips up shattering his skull and spine when he hits the floor.
    So I hope I’ve demonstrated to you why exactly the Trusty Water Bottle is this season’s ‘must have’ item. I suggest you get down to the shops and buy one now before they’re all bought up!