Survey Response

Posted on July 5, 2011 by Adam Randall
This entry is, if the title didn’t give it away, a response to the results of the survey I posted a few days ago. One of the common things that people said they enjoyed on my blog were my entries dedicated to people I know. If you do want one written about you, don’t hesitate to ask me, I’ll write it in a few days! But another of the thing that somebody asked me to include was drawings I had made on Paint (the computer program). The picture with today’s entry is a drawing of myself that I made for some project I was working on a few months ago (which later turned out to be a waste of time), but it shows what I can do using Paint. So now you, my faithful readers, can request me to either write an entry about you or to have yourself drawn in the style of the picture below. Although, with the entries about people, I think I’ll have to add the limitation that I have to have known you for over a year to be able to write a good one, but if you want to have me illustrate you with Paint, all I need is your picture, so if you want one done please let me know 🙂
Picture

P.S. I’ve only had five people fill out my survey, and to you five I am very thankful :D, but could more of you please fill it out if you do read my blog!
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Petrol

Posted on July 4, 2011 by Adam Randall
This is probably a crazy and outlandish idea that belongs more in the realms of science fiction than on this blog, but a few years ago I had an idea that would help reduce pollution and, as such, damage to the ozone layer. It isn’t some crazy idea for a new fuel or anything, just an idea of how cars could be altered to reduce their emissions.
    My idea is basically that cars should be combined with plants. I don’t mean anything stupid like cars made of wood than run on leaves, but due to my lack of knowledge of the subject I’m sure it’s probably just as absurd. But let me specify: plants produce oxygen when they take in carbon dioxide; in fact, plants being destroyed along with the rainforests is making the whole global warming thing worse. Now I don’t know how quickly/powerfully plants are able to produce oxygen, but what if every car, for example, on its roof, had an area where plants grew (obviously the owner of the car would have to maintain them. So basically the exhaust pipe wouldn’t just spew all of the emissions out into the atmosphere, it would go up to the roof, where plants would be kept in a greenhouse like attachment. Then they would be, at least partially, reduced.
    I’m sure there are many problems with my idea, but I hope it’s at least made for interesting reading.
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Heroic Sacrifice

Posted on July 4, 2011 by Adam Randall
I was happily walking home after doing my MDSA work in school today, when, all of a sudden, I found myself in a rather tense situation. I was not far from my house, when, with no warning, three wasps appeared from nowhere and began circling me menacingly. Every so often one of them would land on my face, but a quick twitch of my head made them resume their circling. Now, when I said I was not far from my house, I mean I was still about three minutes away. So the fact that there were three wasps rather than one, and that no matter how fast I walked, they continued their evil rotations, meant I was certain I wouldn’t get out of the situation without at least one painful sting. But before long I was provided with another reason for carrying a water bottle with me….

Now, before I carry on with my story, I feel I need to debunk a common misconception about wasps. I’m sure you’ve been told in the past that, if a wasp ever takes an interest in you, the best thing to do is to remain perfectly still. Then, goes the advice, the wasp will quickly lose interest in you and fly away. If you ever are in a situation where a wasp has shown an interest in you DO NOT remain still, wasps are pure evil, if you remain still it makes you an easier target for them. Just to prove my point I’ll interject this entry’s main story with another wasp related story. When I was whatever age you are when you’re in Year 5 of primary school, another wasp showed interest in me. I remembered the ‘remain still’ strategy, so I did just that, and the wasp landed on my face, walked slowly over to my eye, stung it, and flew away. So never believe that wasps can be defeated by remaining still! It’s just as stupid as thinking you can stop a mugger with the same method.

Anyway, I was walking along and desperately trying to think of a way to stop these hateful insects from stinging me. Then I remembered something about wasps, (something that as this story will demonstrate is actually true!): they are attracted the way liquids shine, especially when in a bottle… And what do I always have on my person? Unfortunately, as it was a very hot day, I had taken my blazer off and was carrying it, so the pocket with my Trusty Water Bottle in was not easily accessible to me. This also meant that, not only my face, but my arms were exposed to their stinger too. I fumbled around the pockets of my blazer; all the while the wasps were landing on me more and more. Eventually, to my great relief, I got my water bottle out of my pocket and, instantly, I held it out as far away from me as I could. The wasps then stopped circling me, and started circling my water bottle. I quickly span around and threw my water bottle down the road so that it would be as far away from me as possible. As I had hoped, the wasps followed it and I was able to get home without a single sting.

Unfortunately, of course, this means I now do not have a water bottle. Luckily I can just buy a fresh one tomorrow, but the memory of the last one’s heroic sacrifice will never fade. So if you ever find yourself being tormented by wasps this summer, perhaps you could try this strategy to try and escape them.

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The Rage Inside Me

Posted on July 3, 2011 by Adam Randall

When taking to Dalfino, the person who encouraged me to start this blog, he said, amongst other things, that I should make more blog entries that are embarrassing stories about myself, or that show me in a bad light. As such, here’s another anecdote, one that happened a few years ago.

I was in school, leaning on against a wall, when a friend of mine approached.

“Hey, Adam!” she said, angrily. She then started accusing me of lots of things that were untrue, and that she was not at all happy about it. I actually cannot remember what it was she was saying just that she was wrong.

“That’s not true,” I said. “So please stop talking.”

But she wouldn’t have it. This just made her angrier and she continued with her allegations.

“I didn’t actually do any of that, trust me,” I said. “Now please stop accusing me, I don’t like it.”

But still she carried on, attracting a lot of attention as she did so.

“This is starting to get pretty annoying, please leave me alone!” I said, beginning to lose patience.

But she refused, and carried on.

“Please just shut the darn up! You darning darn!” I said, as my anger unexpectedly exploded. I quickly took off one of my shoes and threw it at her.

“Ouch! You’re so violent,” she said, continuing her rambling.

“Please shut up! I can’t possibly imagine having to endure such nonsense from a more annoying person! Stop talking to me!” I said as I put my shoe back on.

“Urgh it’s like talking to the Human Dictionary,” she said.

“Oh.” I thought that was quite nice. “Thank you,” I said with a smile.

“That wasn’t a compliment,” she said.

“It was for me!” I said, still feeling happy with it.

The argument seemed to mellow a little from then onward, mainly because her poor insulting skills had left me feeling pretty happy with her. But this story shows me rather childishly getting furiously angry, and even violent, thus showing me in a bad way, as Dalfino requested. I didn’t include my friend’s name as I’m not sure if she’d want me to include it, and I’m currently feeling too lazy to ask her.

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Survey

Posted on July 2, 2011 by Adam Randall
Weebly suggested I make a survey for my readers. If you do fill it out, thank you very much 🙂

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Seduction

Posted on July 1, 2011 by Adam Randall
There was a pretty cool leaver’s party for all the people in my 6th form. At the end of the night I was stood with Elliott Egan when this conversation took place… I’ve substituted all swear words for the word ‘darn’.
    Egan is on the floor, I’m stood beside him in the streets and then a woman walks past us.
    “Hello,” he said, slurring the word as he did so.
    The woman continued walking, completely ignoring him.
    “That’s pretty rude, you darn!” he shouted.
    The woman continued walking, still ignoring him.
    “She probably thinks you’re just a drunken weirdo,” I said to him. “And since you are actually drunk…”
    “I was gonna darn you all night,” he shouted to her, ignoring me.
    “These are really inappropriate things to say to strangers,” I told him, in the politest way I could.
    “Who cares she’s a darn,” he said to me, before talking to the passing woman again. “I was gonna take you home with me! You’re so fit, come back! I apologise, I really wanna darn you.”
    “She’s gone,” I told him.
    “Oh well, she can still hear me.”
    “She can’t,” I said, but this didn’t stop him saying one last thing to her.
    “Fine then leave! I’m going home with the next girl who walks past!” He then slumped down and lay silently on the floor.
    No other females did walk past. So, unfortunately for Egan, he was unable to try out his expert seduction skills on anyone else. Personally, I’m amazed he didn’t manage to set himself up with a future wife with that woman; I mean the ‘Hello’ to a stranger clearly shows that their souls must have been in sync, but clearly she’d rather punch destiny in the face and continue to live a solitary life. That’s sarcasm, by the way.
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The Secret of Chocolate

Posted on June 30, 2011 by Adam Randall
I was talking to my Mum, I think it was almost exactly two years ago, and she said something that, initially, seemed crazy, but actually is really very true. For some reason or another we were talking about chocolate at the time and she mentioned that, rather than eating chocolate normally, she sucked on it. I thought it sounded crazy, and I said that I thought it sounded crazy, and then forgot about it for the next few days.  
    Then, a little while later, I went to get myself a chocolate bar for a snack and, just before I ate it, I remembered what my Mum had said about sucking chocolate. I realised I couldn’t really criticise something I didn’t fully understand or hadn’t tried, so I decided I would eat the chocolate bar by sucking on each part that I bit off. Originally my thought process had been this: you eat chocolate when you’re hungry, chewing something means you get satisfaction out of it faster than sucking it, therefore chewing is better. I was wrong. First the chocolate sits on your tongue, slowly feeding you its delicious taste. Before long it will have totally melted, the liquid chocolate being spread out across all the inside of your mouth. Delicious goo covering every inch of your tooth filled orifice. It takes about a minute or two for the chocolate to melt, which is probably the length of time that it would take you to eat a chocolate bar the regular chewing way.
    Now, this is better for some many reasons. Firstly, as each part you bite off melts it releases, in small doses, the nice sweet taste that everybody loves about chocolate. But as it’s in your mouth for so long, and slowly melting too, when it’s time to finally swallow to melted chocolate in your mouth it’s as if you’ve reached a great taste-based climax, whereas with chewing it, it just goes almost instantly with no real pleasure. Secondly, while eating chocolate this way is obviously worse for your teeth than eating it normally, I’m quite sure that eating it like this is actually healthier. Normally people just chomp down food and it’s gone instantly. It takes about ten minutes for the feeling of being ‘full’ actually kicks in, so after chomping down one chocolate bar, people might think they’re still hungry and just eat another one. In fact, you can use this method to reduce the amount of chocolate you eat by quite a lot. This April, at my birthday, two of my friends kindly bought me slabs of chocolate; I saved these slabs and sucked down one square a day, making them last a couple of months. For that whole time I was only eating one small square of chocolate a day but, thanks to the sucking method, it was just as good as a large amount! So people wanting to lose weight should consider sucking on their chocolate as it is, I think, a very good strategy.
    So I don’t know how my Mum thought up the idea of sucking chocolate, but it’s a very good one, and everybody needs to know! In fact, while writing this, I was inspired to go and get a small chocolate bar to eat. Why don’t you do the same?
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Further Adventures on ChatRoulette

Posted on June 29, 2011 by Adam Randall

Recently while talking to my friend Elliot Egan, I mentioned to him that the webcam that was built into my laptop was broken. Then, rather kindly, he offered to lend me his Xbox webcam so that I could have a working one for a while.

When he gave it to me, to test it out, I decided to visit the website ChatRoulette (I’ve written about this site before). I don’t really like that website, but it is a good way to give a webcam a little test run. For some bizarre reason, after three people decided that I wasn’t somebody they wanted to talk to, I was suddenly blocked from the site due to being ‘sexually explicit’ and redirected to an even more unpleasant website that I don’t think I’ll go into any detail about. I guess I must have a phallic face or something.

As such, I decided to visit Omegle, which is basically just ChatRoulette but with a different name. During this little ‘test’ period I didn’t really come across many internet perverts, in fact I had several nice chats with several nice people (including Mochammad Restu who sent me those nice photographs). As such, I decided that maybe I was wrong about that kind of website… Maybe they were nice websites for nice people to chat with strangers without being sexually harassed… I was wrong.

So I met a few other nice people, but then I met quite a large number of the perverts and I’ve decided now that there is no way I am ever returning to those websites. The first one was a seemingly normal girl who chatted nice and friendlily. Eventually she said “Can I see your stomach?” I thought this was slightly strange, but briefly lifted my polo shirt upward a little anyway, after all what harm could it do? Then this little exchange happened:

Girl: So what part of me would you like to see?
Me: Oh, I’m fine really. You don’t have to show me any part!
Girl: Heh why do you assume I don’t want to show you?
Me: I’m not assuming that. I just don’t really want you to show me.
(Girl takes off all of the clothes on her upper body)
Girl: You like?
Me: I’m very shocked.
Girl: I noticed 😛 so do you like what you see?
Me: (this was a very difficult question to answer) They’re nice enough, I suppose.
Girl: Thanks (starts to lick boobs)
Me: If you’re gonna have them out, please don’t lick them, it make me a little uncomfortable…
Girl: Okay then. So show me more of yourself 😉
Me: What?
Girl: Show my your [I decided to censor the word, though rhymes with ‘she is’].
Me: Nah I’m good.
Girl: C’mon, please babe, I wanna see it.
Me: Well it’s invisible to the naked eye, so… Anyway, are you not familiar with Omegle? If you disconnect you’ll find loads of guys exposed on camera.
Girl: But I only wanna see yours.
Me: The irony is, I only want you not to see mine.
Girl: Please. I love you.
Me: Wow, I’m glad I’ve had such a good impression on you. But still, no.
Girl: I wanna see you handle it.
Me: (it took me a few moments to realise that this meant the same thing as ‘enjoying yourself’) Nah, that’s worse than just showing you it, so no. Sorry.
Girl: C’mon babe, please show me! I want to see it.
Me: Well do you maybe have some kind of fetish that would mean I can show you a part of my body I can comfortably show you and you’ll be just as aroused?
Girl: (long pause) your tongue.
Me: (pokes out tongue)
(this is just writing from memory of course! I really should have saved the actual transcripts, it would have saved me a lot of time!)

So after showing her my tongue, I was able to briefly resume a regular conversation, but then she disconnected. Then I had this conversation with a man. I won’t fill out what he was doing, what I said will probably make it clear.

Me: Hello.
Guy: Hey.
Me: So how are you?
Me: Why aren’t you replying?
Me: What are you doing?
Me: Oh I see.
Me: Please put that away.
Me: Don’t do that!
Me: How about we forget about this and have a nice normal conversation?
Me: I’m not gay, you know? I’m not actually enjoying this at all. Actually, what I feel now is the opposite of enjoyment.
Me: So, you don’t even care? That’s really inconsiderate!
Me: Please stop.
At this point I disconnected.

So these are two more horrifying stories that show just why you should never use ChatRoulette, Omegle or any other of these random chat sites. I still have other stories about these sites that I decided not to include as this entry is already pretty long, so maybe sometime in the future I’ll post my last few scary stories.

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Porn Alternative

Posted on June 28, 2011 by Adam Randall
A lot of people I know seem to think that going onto the internet and looking at photographs of naked people is a fun thing for them to ‘enjoy’. I think that’s pretty gross though, so I decided, for the benefit of those people, I would make an alternative to looking at these naked pictures. What I’ve done is slightly edited a couple of photos of naked people to make them more tasteful (this isn’t to say that I’m in favour of censorship, even if I don’t like these naked photos, they’re still ‘art’ and it would be wrong to prevent people from actually being able to see the original. I’ve just created a censored alternative that I hope will be liked as much as the original and held as an artwork on its own merits…)

Picture

Picture

See a male and a female, something for everyone. Can anybody spot the alterations I made? They’re very subtle so you might not be able to. I guess I better put a couple of disclaimers here, firstly, I don’t actually have the right to use these images so I hope there’s not a problem with me doing so, and secondly, neither of these people were ever actually naked (like I’d want that in my internet history!) they’re just edited underwear models.

Yeah I was just wondering whether having ‘porn’ in the title would increase the views my blog gets….
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Ben Wood

Posted on June 27, 2011 by Adam Randall
Picture

Ben Wood asked if I could write an entry about him, and now that I have a new laptop charger, I can do just that. That’s him in the picture above, and, for some reason, I always think that he looks quite a lot like Justin Bieber in that picture…
    Anywho, I’ll now say a few things about Ben. I met him a few years ago, but at that time he wasn’t just a normal person, his hair was pretty much bright orange (or strawberry blonde as he once called it) but he spent enough times with the normals for his hair to change colour. I mentioned before, in my entry about Dalfino Madrigal Keyte, that Dalfino had been in quite a lot of crazy situations, but Ben has been in just as many himself. Off the top of my head I can think of sticking a golf club inside himself (I won’t say which part of himself, I want this blog to be PG rated), sneaking into a shower room and secretly photographing another male taking a shower, wandering around with his trousers around his ankles after drinking a few too many beers and taking photos of himself in his underwear and uploading them on the internet (he said this was done to ‘mock’ the people who do it seriously, but everybody knows he did it seriously…).
    But, as with my other two entries, now that those embarrassing stories are over, I will tell you his good qualities. He may not know how much alcohol is a sensible amount to drink, but he knows practically everything about television, film and video games (although I’m sure some would argue this isn’t very amazing). He also is pretty skilled at losing weight; he used to be slightly fat, but then he lost loads of weight, but of course, we’ll still call him fat, people always need a fat person to make fun of, even if he’s only fat at heart. So that’s Ben Wood, perhaps a little crazy, but with a good sense of humour, and always having good intentions.

Just to add, as I always do, if you want a blog entry about yourself, just ask me in a comment or on my Facebook and I’ll do it 🙂

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