My secondary school was right next to the local leisure centre, as such, while I was in sixth form I was allowed to use it for free during the weekly PE lessons. What’s important to bear in mind, is that this was 2010; in 2007 I had been rather overweight, in 2008 that changed very quickly and I became very thin, and as such, all my PE clothes were suddenly very big and baggy on me. Around 2010, I was at my skinniest and was actually a little underweight (not now though) and since I don’t often buy new clothes, the fat PE kit was on me at the time.

I wandered down to the gym along with two female friends of mine. I went on an exercise bike, and they were each much lower down on rowing machines beside me. For a while, I was exercising away, burning calories to make room for an extra chocolate bar, and everything was going fine, they were doing likewise. After a few minutes, however, I realised that I had a question for them.

“Oh, by the way,” I said, turning sideways on the seat to face them, “do you happen to know the date of the school’s open day?” (I must admit, I don’t remember what I asked, I just made this question up. I suppose it could have been that, probably not though.)

They told me and I turned back to my exercising. Everything seemed, at least, to be fine. However, things, most certainly, were NOT fine. You know how, on television, when characters need to speak in private, they’ll just speak a bit quietly only a few feet from everybody else and somehow nobody’ll hear them? Well, it seems that these people seemed to think that it worked in real life, as I quite clearly heard the following exchange.

“My God, did you see that?” said Female 1.

“No, what’re you talking about?” asked Female 2.

“When he turned to face us, I could see RIGHT up Adam’s shorts. They’re so baggy, you could see everything!”

“No way! Surely, he’d notice? I don’t believe you, I’m gonna look for myself.”

So then she thought up some random question to ask me. This, of course, put me in a very awkward situation. I could just seem rude and suspiciously not look at them while I spoke (and probably make it obvious I’d heard them), or I could turn and humiliate myself. My decision was to turn and face them, but to try and position my legs in a protective way. Turns out I failed.

“I saw it, you were right!” ‘whispered’ Female 2.

“Well, that was one of the most horrible things I could have expected to see today!”

A few days later, when the uncomfortable situation was finally over, I decided to confide in a friend and tell them the whole embarrassing thing. Their reply wasn’t so comforting “Ha! Yes, everybody knows that. In fact, they told me first!”