Unfortunately, I don’t have an exciting creepy entry for you, which is a shame seeing as it’s Halloween, so instead I’ll type up my day, which has been more boring than any other day. I was riding into university this morning on the bus, it was an incredibly misty day and it was hard to see more than three metres ahead. I was quite tired, but soon the bus began to swerve. I looked through the windshield window and saw a rather tall and thin man standing in the middle of the road in a business suit.
    I’m not entirely sure what happened with that bus thing, but the next I knew I was laying in the middle of the road. I was a little confused and felt about myself to check that I was okay. Luckily, my Trusty Water Bottle appeared to be undamaged (as did my Game Boy) so I stood up and brushed myself off. At this point I realised that I could see, through the mist, that the sky was some bright shade of red and that the sun was nowhere to be seen. It’s probably the most interesting thing I’ve noticed all day; I guess it must be some weird natural phenomenon that occurs during the winter months.
    Anywho, I wandered over to the place of my first lecture. Annoyingly, when I arrived there wasn’t a soul in sight; it appeared as if everybody had gone home due to the mist. Really, leaving due to a weather condition as mundane as fog seems rather lazy (not to sound rude at all).
    I left the building that my lecture was supposed to be in and then strolled on over back to the bus-stop, I’d catch my bus from there and head back to Corsham. The buses are supposed to arrive every twenty minutes, but I waited for two hours and none came. I was going to leave after thirty minutes but decided I was too cynical in deciding it wouldn’t arrive and so waited a little longer.
    After the two hours of waiting I realised that the buses had obviously been cancelled due to the mist. This wasn’t too bad though, there’s some nice wilderness surrounding the university so I decided it was strolling time. I walked towards the wilderness area but unfortunately, and embarrassingly, I bumped into a large statue that I hadn’t spotted in the mist. Funnily enough, the statue was of a tall and thin business suited man, this statue must’ve been what the bus crashed into earlier! Silly bus driver.
    I wandered down into the woods and, while there, I realised that everywhere I went there was a distinctive humming/pulsating noise coming from somewhere. It must have been the noise of machines working against the fog. While in the woods, I accidentally bumped into that statue again, which was slightly odd, as I had been sure it wasn’t in the woods earlier. I got a little bored of my wandering after a while and so turned out of the misty woods and back towards the main campus.
    It was while I walked back over to the campus that I got the idea of using the computers they had in the library to while away the hours. Once I got near to the library I noticed that the university had already put up their Halloween decorations, and they sure were good ones! Lying randomly around on the ground were several skeletons, all of them wearing the same clothes as people I knew, the university really must put the effort into their decorations, dressing them in the same clothes as the students sure was a suitably creepy touch. I pulled out my phone to text my friends that they had skeletons there that wore the same clothes as them, but when I got my phone out it just crumbled to dust… Technology these days! None of it will outlast a simple Game Boy Pocket.
    Then, after that I just used their computers for a few hours. Well more than that I guess as it’s almost 9 p.m. now, I wonder when the buses will run again? But as you can see, this has been a very boring day for me, absolutely nothing has happened. Oh, it turns out that business man wasn’t a statue! He just entered the computer room, I’ll just finish up this entry and then go and say hello to him. Perhaps he runs the buses.

(First, I would like to apologise to any regular readers (if there are any) who were expecting a new entry on Monday (as I usually post). The fact is, I plainly forgot about my blog on Monday and it didn’t even cross my mind to update it until Tuesday evening when I decided just to skip updating for that day (rather than do it so late).)

Anywho, today’s entry will be another entry in my ‘Failed Joke’ series, all of which are anecdotes involving my poor execution of jokes I’ve thought up and the inevitable awkwardness which always follows.

Friend: So I heard you have a fetish for rodents.
Me: (thinking) Hmm, they’re the one that started the joke this time, whatever I say will be a funny continuation of what they said and there’s no chance of failing with this one!
Me: (speaking) Yes, you heard correctly, I do have a fetish for rodents. It’s the fact that they’re so small and everything.
Friend: I can imagine, you being so tall and everything, you must like that they’re the opposite. I guess a caged hamster drives you crazy.
Me: (thinking) Yes, this interaction is going perfectly! We’re now BFFs for sure!
Me: (speaking) Yeah, I’m actually such a fan of rodents (does internet search while talking) that I’m a member of RAG, The Rodent Appreciation Group it’s my favourite website. I’ll email a link to you right now.
Planned reaction:
Friend: Hahahahahahaha that’s so funny, I couldn’t respect you more.
Me: 😀
Actual reaction:
Friend: Oh, why did you send me that? You took it too far, you’re so weird.
Me: 🙁

I’m sure you’ve noticed how winter is beginning to kick in. One layer is no longer enough to keep you warm outside, your breath floats up as steam and the main thing keeping you warm is the heating… Luckily for you, today’s blog entry is about this season’s ‘hottest’ accessory which will definitely keep you in the summery feeling all winter long.
    Imagine, for a second, that you already have your own Trust Water Bottle; it seems very obvious to me that you won’t be able to resist its temptations. Before long you’ll be guzzling down litre after litre of that delicious water (or ecstasy juice, as it’s more commonly referred to). Anywho, I’m sure you know what happens to you when you drink a lot of water… That’s right! You use a lot of toilets. Of course, when you’re drinking all these exceedingly large amounts of water, you won’t always have instant access to a toilet and, as such, will simply have to hold it in. Now, I’m sure you know, when you really badly need to use the toilet you’ll be completely oblivious to all other feelings, thus meaning you will not feel the cold!
    But that’s not the only way that a Trusty Water Bottle will keep you warm this winter! On those icy cold days you’ll be drinking a lot of icy cold water. When it’s a cold day you’ll be cold on the outside but warm on the inside, the icy cold water will make you also cold on the inside, then, once you’re able to recover you will be warm… in comparison to the cold you were a second before!
    But aside from the fact that a Trusty Water Bottle will keep you feeling like you’re in a sauna when you’re in sub-zero temperatures, it also acts as the most effective safety devise you can get during the winter months. Let me explain. Imagine you’re strolling through the busy streets of a city one chilly afternoon, you wander in a back alley to make a shortcut on the way to the nearest Waterstone’s and, unfortunately for you, there’s an armed mugger waiting for you. The mugger grabs you from behind and points a knife to your neck, demanding you give him your wallet. You fake some kind of panic attack and say you need some water, the mugger lets go of you and allows you to take a sip from your Trusty Water Bottle, you pour its contents on the floor shout “try and catch me you silly man!” and run away. The mugger will try and chase after you, but unfortunately for him, the water you poured on the floor is now slippery ice and he violently slips up shattering his skull and spine when he hits the floor.
    So I hope I’ve demonstrated to you why exactly the Trusty Water Bottle is this season’s ‘must have’ item. I suggest you get down to the shops and buy one now before they’re all bought up!

I don’t intend for this entry to sound rude or offensive, but, depending on how it turns out, it may well be either one of those things, or indeed both of them (hopefully not). Anywho, this entry is about a Silly Pasty Lady (as I’m sure you’ll have been able to gather from the title) and it is to this Silly Pasty Lady that I don’t mean to sound insulting (not that she’ll be reading this).
This brief anecdote begins just over a year ago when I was strolling around the streets of Bath with my friend Laura. Strolling around the streets for several hours will eventually make you hungry, so after a while we visited a small pasty shop. Here’s the small exchange between myself, Laura and the Silly Pasty Lady.

Me: Hello, I’ll have a cheese and onion pasty please.
Silly Pasty Lady: Okay, and what would you like?
Laura: I’ll have a pasty too, but not cheese and onion, a different flavour. (Of course, she did ask for a specific flavour, but I can’t remember what it was, I could guess, but I’m not going to take any artistic licence).
Silly Pasty Lady: Here you go (hands us the pasties).
Me: (realising the pasty is a little cold) could you heat mine up please?
Silly Pasty Lady: Yeah sure (takes my pasty and puts it into the oven for a few minutes while we wait in silence, then gives it back once its heated).
Me: Thank you 🙂
Laura: Hmm, actually, could you please heat mine up as well?
Silly Pasty Lady: (slight laugh) No, I just heated it up!
Laura: …

I had to use my Trusty Water Bottle to conceal my smirk, but luckily I didn’t have to do very much concealing as we left right after. Now, I’m not entirely sure how the pasty lady can have thought that she had just heated it up, perhaps she had a terrible memory and thought that we only had one pasty between us, or maybe she didn’t understand the way the world worked and thought that by heating up one pasty both would become warm. Who knows? Either way, it makes a very, very, very slightly acceptable story for a blog entry.

For today’s entry I’m going to make another shout out. Aether Luminiferous is a YouTube channel featuring some rather funny videos about science and ‘magic’ (or deception, I suppose, would be a better word). Videos include ‘How to Win at Poker’ (which shows that it is possible to win every time at poker) ‘Pineapple Sun’ (which explains why the sun is hot) and ‘Schrödinger’s Rabbit’ (featuring an enactment and explanation of Schrödinger’s Cat). Anybody even slightly interested in science should watch these videos as they’re pretty good and accessible even to those with little scientific knowledge (like myself, well, that is if you discount Cs and Ds at GCSE level).

Here’s the link 

This is an extra post today which I’m making due to what I found in my spam folder on AOL. Usually spam’ll tell me I need to hold a few million dollars for a Nigerian prince for a few months, or be from a ‘dying’ woman who wants to give her fortunes away randomly. But today I got a spam message which quite impressed me, mainly due to how elaborate it was, here it is:

“Federal Bureau Of Investigation Intelligence Field Unit J. Edgar Hoover Building 935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington , D.C. Urgent Attention: I am special Agent John Edward from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) intelligence unit; we have just intercepted (2) trunk boxes at JFK airport New York , we are on the verge of moving them to our bureau head quarters. We started monitoring and checkmating movement of consignments after the killing of Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden, many people are virtually involve in sponsorship of terrorism knowingly and unknowingly since they participate in unsolicited and security unchecked transactions which sometimes the aftermath effect of unclaimed funds becomes wheel power for terrorist sponsorship. We have scanned those two trunk boxes and discovered the value is $5.7 Million Dollars and the backup document bears your name as the receiver of the money contained in the boxes and your email address is on the delivery manifest booklet plastered on the two trunk boxes , investigations / interrogation carried out on the diplomat that accompanied the boxes into the united states has it that he was to deliver this funds to your residence as payment which was due to you as unpaid lottery .Our priorities are tactically stated below. Some people have been victimizing over the years but our inception has corrected worst crime situations in and outside American Protect the United States and the rest of the world from terrorist attacks (see counter-terrorism);Protect the United States against foreign intelligence operations and espionage (see counter-intelligence); Protect the United States against cyber-based attacks and high-technology crimes (see cyber-warfare); Combat public corruption at all levels; Protect civil rights; Combat transnational/national criminal organizations and enterprises (see organized crime); Combat major white-collar crime; Combat significant violent crime; Support federal, state, local and international partners; We checked all legal documents in the boxes, and were about to release the consignments to the diplomat, when we found out that the boxes lack two very important documents Legal Clearance Certificate and Fund Ownership Certificate which as a result, the boxes was kept under security vault until you provide those required compulsory demanded due process documents According to section 229 subsection 31 of the 1991 constitution in tax payment, your consignment lacks proof of ownership certificate and legal clearance certificate from the joint team of the IRS and homeland security, and there for, you must contact us for direction and advise on how to procure the certificates, so that you can be relieved of the charges of evading tax and consignment abandonment which is a punishable offense under section 12 subsection 441 of constitution on tax evasion and unsolicited movement of consignments to any country all over the world. You are required within the next 72hours to secure those above mentioned certificates or face the legal consequence defined for such delivery infringement, to avoid interrogation and prosecution in the court of law for money laundry and sponsorship of terrorism. We have investigative jurisdiction over every crime both in and outside United States . Also, you must not contact any other bank or persons in Nigeria , the United Kingdom or any part of the world for any payment, because your payment is presently under our custody here in United States of America . Please don’t respond to any FBI message without this security code (FBI/WOR/CMM). We shall direct you on the process of who to contact after extensive investigation. Yours in service Agent John Edward, Regional Director Federal Bureau Of Investigation Intelligence Field Unit J. Edgar Hoover Building 935 Pennsylvania Avenue, Nw Washington , D.C. 20535-0001, USA”

(it was actually laid of in paragraphs but pasting it here seems to have changed that).

So one day I was riding along in a canoe with my friend Christian Watkins, unfortunately he steered it into a large bramble bush beside the river and the two of us fell into the water… But that’s not the subject of today’s entry.
    Back in 2008 I was in Cornwall with a couple of friends of mine, I’ve decided I won’t mention their names in today’s entry as I don’t want to incriminate them, and we were out strolling around the darkened streets looking for something to do. My two friends were both hoping to find a source of alcohol (all of us being under the age of 18 at the time meant that it was not easy to find). I was just happy to be taking a stroll. Unfortunately for them, they eventually realised that we were not going to find any alcohol (they came close though, in a field just beside a holiday centre were several large kegs surrounded by a fence, they managed to get in there only to be disappointed when discovering that they were all empty) and as such, a new pastime had to be figured out.
    Obviously, the logical thing for them to do in that situation was to break into a boat and try and steal everything inside it. It didn’t take them long to find a boat which was docked behind a large building (hiding them from sight). They both decided to climb down into the boat (I decided it wasn’t a very good decision so just stood up on the dock so I could wait for them to finish having their fun).
    The last thing I remember hearing was one of them shouting “Oh look, a TV!” and then an alarm went off. I have a feeling that they were a little concerned about the alarm, because after it went off the two of them quickly climbed up the ladder and ran away from the dock. I think they may have momentarily forgotten that they were with me, as they both ran past me and left me there next to the broken into boat. I sighed and slowly wandered off to find the two of them, a minute or so later I got a call from one of them telling me where I could find them.
    We spent the rest of the night hiding under a bridge… Which was nice.

I’m sure I’ve made some kind of grammatical error in the title of today’s post; I just thought I’d better not even pretend I know how to write that correctly. Anywho, I am currently reading the book Don Quixote and the relationship between the two main characters reminded me of the relationship between Amir Blumenfeld and Jake Hurwitz in the internet series Jake and Amir.
    In Jake and Amir, Amir is a stupid person who seems to live in his own little world, especially with the little series ‘Ace and Jocelyn’ that he makes, where he and Jake are ‘astronaut accountants’. Amir doesn’t really seem to be able to distinguish between real life and the life of Jocelyn (who he plays) for example; Jake manages to make Amir leave his girlfriend by telling her that she is a ‘rival agent’. But, while Jake may be the ‘normal’ person next to Amir, there are several episodes that show that to a normal person he really is rather unintelligent himself, misquoting things and pretending to know about things that he really doesn’t, and very occasionally Amir is the ‘normal’ person next to Jake.
    All of this is very similar to Don Quixote and Sancho Panza. Don Quixote is downright insane; he read so many books on knight errantry that he believes that he is a valiant knight fighting against giants and enchanters. Sancho, meanwhile, seems to be the ‘normal’ person, pointing out the flaws in Don Quixote’s logic and trying to persuade him that he is actually fighting windmills rather than giants for example. Sancho, though, just like Jake, is rather unintelligent when compared to anyone other than Don Quixote, all the other people in the novel consider him to be rather stupid. In fact, there are several instances where Sancho mispronounces fairly common words in front of Don Quixote only to then be correct by him, just as has happened between Jake and Amir. I wonder if Jake and Amir were inspired by Don Quixote… Probably not.
    And of course, one of the main similarities is that while Jake and Amir may get annoyed at one another and Don Quixote and Sancho may also get annoyed with each other, deep down they love each other :D.

P.S. I apologising for posting this entry a day off schedule.