LEAKED Super Smash Bros. Ultimate John-Boy Walton Reveal Trailer

(Thanks to a Waltons-insider that I know, I was able to get my hands on the script for John-Boy Walton’s as of yet unannounced reveal trailer for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. I present it here in its unedited form. Please read, enjoy and await the release of this game with bated breath.)

[The camera pans over the trees and down towards the classic white house on Walton’s Mountain. What we’re seeing is identical to The Waltons Season 1 opening sequence, complete with the classic theme song – an attempt to misdirect the viewer into thinking that this is simply a trailer for The Waltons and not a Smash Bros. reveal.

We get the first clue that this is not simply the normal opening sequence when The Waltons logo appears in nice, crisp HD. It is also the white colouration used from Season 2 onward, rather than Season 1’s yellow.

The camera zooms into John-Boy’s bedroom window.  Instead of cutting to the usual clip of him writing, as is usually the case, we cut to him puzzling over a letter. Instead of footage, we are now seeing ultra-realistic graphics which actually portray John-Boy with greater clarity than was possible with 1970s camera.

We see a close up of the letter in his hands and notice that it is sealed with the Smash Bros. emblem. We see his eyes as he opens it and a glowing light is reflected in them. Slowly the classic theme song fades away.

Cut to a shot of the house from the outside.]

JOHN-BOY: YAA-HOO!

[Camera now shows John-Boy running excitedly down the run, away from his house. Pan to a confused looked Zebulon and Esther, who merely shrug and shake their head.

What we see now is gameplay footage.  John-Boy is still running, just as he was a second ago, but is now on the Battlefield stage. He seamlessly falls into a sliding kick and the camera zooms out to show that he is sliding towards Link, Bowser and Ridley – all of whom are launched off screen.

John-Boy then stops and the camera zooms in on him dramatically, capturing him in a heroic pose. The background goes completely brown and words appear on-screen.]

Caption: John-Boy Walton Says Goodnight!

A remix of The Waltons theme song begins to play, it is much more intense than any we have heard before. What follows is a montage of clips. Corrin is standing ready to attack, when John-Boy jumps onto him from off screen, pinning him to the ground. Mario runs towards John-Boy, but suddenly Blue the Mule appears and bucks wildly, launching him away. Wario and John-Boy stand side by side, Wario gets onto the Wario Bike and starts driving away, John-Boy immediately after gets into his beige car and starts driving in the same direction, only more quickly. In an act of reverse book-burning, Bowser breaths fire on John-Boy, who is unscathed and then reached into the flames and pulls out a German Bible, which he then throws at Bowser. After this last clip, the music comes to a finale and the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate logo appears on screen.

One last clip is played. John-Boy and Donkey Kong are standing side by side.]

JOHN-BOY: (shrugs) I reckon I seen better days on the mountain. (a taunt)

[Donkey Kong responds with his usual shrugging taunt.

Cut to Sakurai sitting in the studio. Smash Bros. music plays quietly in the background.]

SAKURAI: Hello. I’m Masahiro Sakurai of Sora Ltd. I am delighted to reveal to you all that John-Boy Walton of the classic television show The Waltons has finally been added to Smash. Ever since the days of Super Smash Bros. Melee he has been a highly requested character, so I hope that you will be pleased with his inclusion in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.

I must make a confession to you all. He was the true winner of the Smash Ballot, but unfortunately, we were unable to implement him as a playable character due to licensing issues with Warner Bros. Studios. After a long process of negotiation, John-Boy has finally  earned the spot in this game that he always deserved.

Fans of The Waltons Season 8 and Season 9 may be concerned that the trailer only showed John-Boy as portrayed by the actor Richard Thomas, while many grew to love him during the brief stint in which he was portrayed by Robert Wightman. Please put your concerns to rest, as Robert Wightman’s portrayal will be included as an alternate outfit [cut to a character select screen where the player switches from Richard Thomas to Robert Wightman, then both of them are shown on screen together at once.]

One last little treat we have for you, is his Final Smash, which recreates the iconic “goodnight” scene from the end of each episode. All characters are transported to the Walton house and John-Boy says goodnight to them all. Back on the battle field, they are all fast asleep and vulnerable to John-Boy’s attacks.

As always, his family and friends are there to support him and John, Olivia, Esther, Zebulon and even all of his brothers and sisters appears as Assist Trophies [a quick clip of each character.] And there are even some surprise appearances [clip of John-Boy using Rover the Peacock as his recovery move.]

We are excited to be able to bring you this new update. Until next time, all I can say is “Goodnight, everybody!”

[Sakurai bows. Cut to black. Copyright notices.]

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Posted in Creative, Funny and Silly, The Waltons, Video Games | Leave a comment

Beyond Ghibli

A good friend of mine recently pointed me in the direction of an excellent YouTube channel called Beyond Ghibli. It’s a fairly young channel and is run by a friend of a friend, so I am keen to point people in its direction. What you’ll find here are some wonderful pieces of anime analysis.

Below is my favourite of their videos: it compares The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild to the film Princess Mononoke, a game and a film I like very much. I had never really considered their similarities before, but now that they’ve been pointed out, they seem so obvious. I really appreciate the amount of thought and reflection that went into the video and it as a very interesting video to watch. If you’ve an interest in either of those two things, you’re going to enjoy watching this. So give it a watch, subscribe to the channel and have a look at their other work.

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Miitomo

When I first heard that Nintendo were going to start making games for smartphones, I was pretty excited. I was so excited, in fact, that I went out and bought my first smartphone. I’m really glad I did because those things are revolutionary and I really should have gotten one sooner. So many aspects of day to day life have become so much easier since then. But, anyway, I’m going off on a bit of a tangent – the first app Nintendo released was Miitomo and it wasn’t actually much of a game after all,but rather a sort of Mii-based social media app, which is still an interesting concept.

I remember when I first started using it – I was pretty happy seeing my Mii (in HD) on my phone. It seemed so new and revolutionary, because I never expected to see Miis on anything but a Nintendo console. What I was also very pleased with was that I was able to import my Mii from my Nintendo Account, which itself was imported from my 3DS (which could have been imported from my Wii, but wasn’t) so people had the chance to continue using the same Miis they’d had all along. It does, of course, also contain a complete Mii Maker, so you could build a Mii from scratch or even have one automatically made based on a photo.

Once you’d either imported or created a Mii, you’ll find it entering an apartment. You’d then be asked questions about your day, your life, your interest or other things like that. You write your answer and your Mii then speaks it in a comical, robotic voice (which you choose for it.) It was very clearly built on the structure of Tomodachi Life, so that’s a good point of reference for anybody who’s played that.

The other thing you could do was listen to the answers your friends have given to these same questions and you’d get to see their Miis answering them yourself. Since all of my friends are hilarious, they usually wrote funny or sarcastic answers and I had a lot of fun going through them. You could also have your own Mii give answers to their replies. I wish more of my friends had the app, because it would have been so much more fun if they did – you are able to see the answers of strangers, but it’s just not the same.

Answering questions and listening to other peoples’ answers would earn you coins and tickets, which were then used to buy clothes for customisation. You could either get clothes by buying them in the game’s shop, or by playing an extremely chancy game where you have to drop Miis at just the right time to land on the right platforms. That game was so unfair, but it was the only way to get special items. It was definitely built to encourage micro-transactions.

Some of these clothes were pretty cool though. For example, there were outfits based on The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Splatoon, Fire Emblem Heroes and also Kirby and Super Mario characters. I was disappointed that there was never anything related to the Donkey Kong series, but I did enjoy collecting the Nintendo outfits. There was even a very cool cross-promotion where a Miitomo-themed Splatfest was held in Splatoon which gave me the cool feeling of all my Nintendo games being connected.

Overall, it was a really nice little app. You’ll notice I say “was” and have been referring to it in the past tense throughout the review and that’s because the service was entirely online and has now been discontinued. I hate when that happens. Such is the state of modern gaming – enjoy things while you can, you never know when they’ll disappear forever.

Rating: 7/10 (though it’s very hard to rate in the same way I rate other games)

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Picking Up Where You Left Off

In the past, some people have said that one of my best qualities was the fact that I can go a long time without seeing somebody, but then immediately pick up where I left off with them and it’s like we haven’t been separated at all when we do next meet. I like that people appreciate this about me, but I’d also argue that this is not a quality of my own, but just something people find easy to do once their friendship reaches a certain level. It’s not any effort to easily resume for me, because that’s what it feels natural to do and there are certain people for whom it would never feel unnatural to do this with.

It’s like watching a TV show you love but haven’t seen in years, resuming an old favourite video game or coming back to a familiar place. It’s always going to be very comfortable and I am exceedingly fortunate to have several people in my life with whom this is quite possible. I think you eventually reach a point where you couldn’t not care about somebody (if you’ll forgive the use of a double negative.) Once you’ve been through a certain amount with somebody, it’s impossible to turn back and no matter what you do, you won’t ever forget about them and meeting them will always be a delight.

Having been reunited with a good friend after a sad absence of one year today, I was feeling especially appreciative of this fact.

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Stop

In recent times, I have started to take an evening run after my evening walk. What I quite like about this is that it makes me all tired by the time I get into bed and helps me sleep much easier. It’s also nice to run around freely in the middle of the night – not only is everything peaceful and nice, but there are less people to avoid as well. This was something that always put me off the idea of running in the past – having to swerve around all the people who are just going about their days as usual.

Unfortunately, this plan wasn’t as foolproof as I thought it was. The other night I was merrily running along and I could see a man standing near the path not too far away and I could tell I’d end up going right passed him. Now, this shouldn’t really have been any kind of issue, but as you can tell by the fact that I’m writing about it in this blog, it is going to turn out to have been an issue.

As I approached him, he suddenly shouted, in possibly the loudest possible human voice “Stop!” as he stared right at me. I looked at him, I looked around, then I looked back at him and shrugged in a sort of “what are you talking about?” sort of way, but since I was running I was out of breath and not really able to articulate anything.

I thought that it was strange, but carried on my way. Then he shouted again. And again. He just wouldn’t stop. Even as I got quite far away, I could still just about hear his crazy shouting voice in the distance. Always just a single word “stop!”

So what does all of this mean? What’s the point of this story? I have no idea. It’s just a random thing which happened to me as part of the random and structure-less chain of events that make up my life.

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Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

I’m pretty sure you’ve heard of Oliver Twist (it is, after all, one of the most well known novels by one of the most well known authors in history) but who really knows much about it, other than perhaps the line “Please, sir, I’d like some more.”? Well, don’t worry if that’s the extent of your knowledge – the purpose of this review is to inform you!

The story follows the life of a young orphan (that’s Oliver) who runs away from the workhouse after years of abuse which he can no longer take. Upon leaving there, his life takes many twists and turns and he encounters many memorable characters. I’d go into more detail if it weren’t for the fact that a lot of the developments in the story are quite unexpected.

The different characters Oliver crosses paths with left quite an impression on me. There’s the eternally pessimistic and grumpy old man, Mr. Grimwig, who I always found very funny. There’s the hardened criminal Bill Sikes, who is rather intimidating. Mr. Bumble, the bumbling fool whose in charge of the people at the work house and who does a good job of being the book’s comic relief – as awful as he is. But they’re not all cynical and bad people – there’s also Rose Maylie who is endlessly kind and optimistic and while she is perhaps a little too perfect, I quite like her.

Then there’s Fagin… Fagin is a character who’s quite enigmatic and mysterious. He finds stray children and ropes them into the life of crime, winning them over with his endless charm. He features heavily in a chapter I found really profound and I always quite liked him, but the problem is that he’s quite an antisemitic character. I don’t mean that Fagin has antisemitic attitudes, I mean that he is a negative Jewish stereotype and it’s unfortunate as he didn’t need to be written that way. Doing a bit of research, it seems that Charles Dickens was criticised for this at the time and felt very guilty about it – to the extent that some later editions had been edited to tone it down. So that’s something.

My favourite character, however, was a woman called Nancy who is an associate of Fagin and Bill. While she is entangled in the world of crime, she isn’t really very happy with it. She has such a great character arc and I felt that most emotionally powerful moments in the book were all related to Nancy.

Strangely, despite the title, I didn’t feel like Oliver himself was ever given that much development. Since the story is built around him, I would have liked more of an insight into his mind and personality. This was probably the book’s biggest flaw, because it meant that the parts which only featured Oliver could sometimes feel a little bland – although having said that, Dickens does sometimes flesh it out with some scathing and sarcastic social commentary, which I always appreciated. But despite the odd chapter which didn’t feel quite so engaging, I thought it was a pretty good story overall and definitely worth a try if you like classic literature.

Rating: 7.8/10

Buy it here.

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25 Million Steps

In 2011, (around the same time I started writing this blog, actually) I got myself a 3DS. I was very impressed by many of its features – in particular the fact that it had a built in pedometer. I soon discovered that 10,000 was a healthy number of steps to get in a day and so ever since I’ve tried to get that number of steps each and every day.

As of today, my 3DS has recorded 25 million steps as I’ve carried it around these last seven years and those are some pretty significant steps – in terms of quality, not just quantity. Those are the steps I took when walked into my school to get my A Level results. These are the steps I took on my first day of university – these are the steps I took on my last day of university. These are the steps I took on my first visits to: Ipswich, Wolverhampton, Plymouth, Yeovil, Birmingham, St. Andrews, Edinburgh, Felixstowe and Oxford. These were my first steps into a Nando’s – my first steps onto an aeroplane. The steps I’ve taken around the offices of eight different jobs. The steps that took me to home to seven different beds.  They’re the steps I took on a ten mile sponsored walk and the steps I’ve taken pacing back and forth at the bus stop. These are the steps which walked me through what have perhaps been the most emotionally significant years of my life.

Who knows where my next 25 million steps will take me? I really couldn’t answer that, but I can’t wait to find out. Between taking my first step and twenty-fifth millionth step, not much has remained constant – people have come and gone, I’ve started and left university, I’ve started new jobs and left them. I as a person have evolved and my priorities and needs are very different to those of my 2011 self. But I have always had my 3DS (even if it’s actually two different systems, with the memory transferred from one to the other in 2015) and I hope it will still be there when I take the fifty millionth step in what I presume will be 2025.

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Money in Relationships

As part of my everyday job, I manage Facebook Ads. While doing this, there’s something particularly strange that I have realised. I work for a charity and it’s quite common for women to tag their partners and then ask them if they can sign up to make a regular donation. In almost all cases, their partner will say no, because all charities are a scam (of course.)

It baffles me for two reasons. First of all, why do all of these women feel the need to get the approval of their partners before making a relatively minor financial commitment? Obviously, I don’t know the exact details of their situation, but just hovering the mouse over their names shows me that more often than not they have a pretty good job. If they’re earning a pretty good salary, what concern is it of their partner if they decide they want to give a small amount to charity each month?

The second thing which baffles me is that their partners never, ever encourage them to go ahead with it. Often they’ll use arguments which are objectively wrong to try and persuade them otherwise. What I can’t help but wonder is, surely someone in a healthy relationship would say “Spend your money in whatever way makes you the most happy” rather than actively trying to dissuade them from making a generous and charitable donation? And it’s weird to me that they all seem to be so anti-charity too. It’s a shame that there’s so much ignorance around the subject. Plus, while consenting adults can have have romantic relationships in anyway they want to, I can’t help but think it seems a little unhealthy that these women feel the need to run these things by their partners…

It’s a weird parttern and not something I would have expected to encounter – but I think that’s one of the joys of working with social media. It provides insights into people’s thoughts and habits and is often very interesting (at least to me.)

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Fire Emblem Fates

It was Fire Emblem: Awakening which helped to establish the Fire Emblem IP as one of Nintendo’s best and Fire Emblem Fates built on top of the previous game’s structure and made something even better. Sadly, this game didn’t seem to receive quite as much praise as its predecessor, but I definitely think it deserves just as much, if not more.

At its heart, it’s similar to the previous games in the series: it’s a turn-based tactical RPG which tells the story of a prince involved in a conflict between two kingdoms in a fantasy world containing dragons. Every unit you use is a unique character with their own story and you can improve relationships between characters (and stats) by having them fight side by side.

There are a few changes to the classic formula, however, and I feel that these my be at the heart of some people’s mixed feelings. First of all, while you can play through the game with permadeath on, it feels as though it was designed to be played in Casual Mode. Casual Mode was introduced in Awakening as an option for players who were new to the series, because it was felt that permadeath might make things too hard and stressful. I completed Awakening with permadeath on and had completed several of the other games in the series too, but Fates was so extremely difficult that I switched to Casual Mode quite early on. Even with it on, I still struggled with some levels. I can see why some people might be unhappy with this change, even though I don’t see them as an issue.

On a similar note, in previous games weapons all had a limited number of uses before they broke. This added an interesting element of resource management to the games and encouraged you to buy new and more powerful weapons as you went on and needed to replace your old ones. In Fates all weapons can be used infinitely – I didn’t really see why this needed to be changed. It meant I ended up sticking with weak weapons from the start of the game for longer than I should have. This was only a minor problem though and is nothing next to all the good new features this game provides.

And what are those features? Well, the biggest and most important is a branching storyline. In one of the earlier levels of the game, the main character is forced to decide which side of a war they will be fighting on and the story goes down a completely different path depending on if they choose one side or the other (or if they refuses to side with either.) I loved this and I felt that the characters were all so fleshed out and the story so interesting that I was more than happy to play through three times to see each version of events.

I’ll try and talk about the content of the game’s story too, although it is hard due to the fact that it contains so many unexpected twists and developments. You play as a young person called Corrin (who can be male or female, as per your choice) who must decide between fighting with the family who raised them or fighting with their biological family (who both love them immensely.) What makes the decision so hard is that each family is full of very likeable characters: on one hand there’s his adorable adopted sister and immensely protective adopted brother – on the other, two birth sisters who are enormously overwhelmed with positive emotion to be reunited (to give just a few examples.) Along with all that, there’s the mysterious and aloof singer called Azura who remains enigmatic throughout the game and is as much a main character as Corrin themselves.

It’s a game that packs some serious emotional punches and is honestly one of the best things on the 3DS. There are certain times where they go so far that you’ll be completely stunned at what you see and I think it’s all done fantastically. Moving scenes are always emphasised with an emotive soundtrack too. Since you control the growth of these characters and get to witness their blossoming relationships with each other, you will be pretty devastated if anything happens to them and in this story, nobody is safe (which kind of makes up for the fact that you likely aren’t playing with permadeath.)

One negative I would like to mention, however, is the way that this game was released. This doesn’t affect the quality of the experience, but it is still pretty frustrating. Essentially, it was released as two games – one for each side of the war, then you could get the other paths as DLC. I was very disappointed in Nintendo for this. It should have been one, all inclusive game – especially as releasing it like this means that people have to make the game’s decision before even buying it (unless you download the game, like I did.) A lot of people will want to play all of the paths, which makes the game crazily expensive (especially if you buy the smaller pieces of DLC too!) I hope one day they’ll release some kind of “definitive edition” of the game containing all of it at a reasonable price.

Aside from that one gripe, it’s actually a really good game. The characters will stay in my heart for some time and completion of the game’s harder levels was so, so satisfying. If you’re looking to get into the Fire Emblem series, it could be a great place to start.

Rating: 9.7/10

Buy Fire Emblem Fates: Birthright here.

Buy Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest here.

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Cover Novels

I usually quite enjoy cover songs – I know that they might not contain quite the same level of originality as a completely new song, but I find it really interesting to hear things re-imagined from the perspective of a different artist. Often I’ll like a cover equally if not moreso, but in a different way.

Today I found myself thinking: why is this something which only happens within the musical medium? Why don’t we get “covers” in other forms of art? Why not, for example, cover novels?

I know this probably sounds like a strange idea, but a large part of any book’s appeal is the style in which it is written. Some authors have very, very distinctive voices which alone make for strong selling points – so imagine if authors reinvented each others work from time to time.

Interestingly, this is the kind of thing which would have happened all the time with storytellers in ancient history. One person hears a story, then passes it on to somebody else – along the way adding several of their own unique touches. Of course, modern copyright laws will essentially make this sort of thing impossible in today’s world, but then are these laws stifling creativity? Are we robbing artists of the ability to build on top of each others’ work, as is the natural way of this art form?

I wouldn’t like to say definitively, because artists do absolutely need for their work to be protected by law. On the other hand, legalities will stop authors from even considering certain projects – even though they could be absolute masterpieces. I still can’t really understand how and why we live in a world where cover songs are acceptable but not other things – but I suppose it all depends on the developmental origins of each art form. Really, it was just a passing muse for me and something which, on reflection, I am disappointed does not exist in our world.

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