Excitebike

Excitebike is one of Nintendo’s much older games, older even than Super Mario Bros. so if you’re someone who struggles to get into retro games, this probably isn’t going to be for you. In fact, when I first played it when I was a child, I thought to myself “Wow, this old game is rubbish.” But although my initial reaction was a rather negative one, I have slowly developed a small level of fondness for it.

So what is it? Essentially, it’s just a single player motorbike racing game. The race tracks are all “2.5D” I suppose, with a side on view of the Excitebiker riding along on their motorcycle, with the ability to move upwards and downwards across the various different lanes on the track. It’s useful to change between these lanes in order to avoid patches of grass, bumps on the track or to intentionally head towards ramps. The race tracks all look pretty similar (a fairly basic stadium set up, just in different colours) but you do get a fair bit of variety in terms of the different ramps and jumps spread out across them.

There are two modes, Selection A and Selection B. In the first of these, you go around the track on your own. This is intended for time trials, but I found it most useful to play for training purposes. Getting the jumps just right isn’t easy, because you have to position your rider so that the wheels are angled in the right way to land safely. If you fail to do this, you fall off the bike and have to watch them very slowly getting back on. Then in Selection B, you are racing against lots of other racers. You can ram into the other motorcyclists in order to knock them off their bikes, which is kind of fun, but they can do the same to you too. Beating them isn’t easy, so you’ll need to practise a lot in order to get good at these levels. There’s also a level designer… but you can’t save the levels, so it’s kind of pointless.

I think what made me think this game was rubbish initially is that its controls aren’t easy to grasp, it’s visually not very appealing and its premise is a very basic one. You have to hold down a button in order to make your bike go faster in order to properly compete with the other racers, but if you do it for too long, your bike overheats and you have to stop, but then you can also go over these strips on the track to cool it down. This can get annoying and positioning your bike just right for jumps and bumps on the track is really difficult as well. You’ll probably find yourself falling off the bike a lot. A lot of people will, fairly, decide that it’s not worth putting in the effort to get the hang of.

I guess for me, this is an acquired taste. Over time, I’ve grown kind of fond of its music (even though there’s only about one track) and the 8-bit sound of the motorbikes’ engines. Since Nintendo like to include Excitebike cameos in games (like Mario Kart 8 and Super Smash Bros. Brawl) I found myself encouraged to revisit it and over time, I slowly got used to it. Now I’m at the point where I can happily play and enjoy it for half an hour if I’m bored. But even I still struggle with it sometimes. I’m sure it seemed amazing to a child of the 80s, but today I’d only recommend it to dedicated Nintendo fans.

Rating: 5/10

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Top 10 Songs from Anathema

Today I have the second in my series of Top 10 playlists. Last time I did The Beatles and today I’ve done a very different band: Anathema. While The Beatles were once my favourite, they were dethroned by Anathema. Though I am partially biased due to their positive association with some positive experiences earlier in my life, I think Anathema create the most beautiful music I have ever heard. Here’s the list of ten of their best songs:

  1. Untouchable Part 1 & Part 2
  2. Dreaming Light
  3. The Lost Song Part 1, Part 2 & Part 3
  4. Everything
  5. Internal Landscapes
  6. Are You There?
  7. Fragile Dreams
  8. Angels Walk Among Us
  9. The Storm Before the Calm
  10. Springfield

As Anathema are slightly more obscure, I hope that I can introduce them to someone who has never heard them before. Some of their music is really happy, other pieces are more sad and melancholic, but all of it is highly cathartic. I find their songs to be just about the most soothing things to listen to under any circumstances. There’s a sort of chilling spiritual aspect to their music which always gets to me. Though the list is in no particular order, Untouchable is probably my favourite song of all time. I hope you can enjoy it as much as I do!

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The Disaster Artist by Greg Sestero and Tom Bissell

If you’ve ever seen The Room, you’ll know it’s just about the most bizarre movie ever made. Supposedly a serious drama, you’ll find it full of extremely oddball humour born out of the fact that all of the character are downright otherworldly and seem impossibly far away from real people. None of them are more peculiar than the main character, Johnny, who is played by the movie’s writer, direct and producer, Tommy Wiseau. The Disaster Artist tells the story of how The Room came to be and of the relationship between Wiseau and Greg Sestero (who plays Mark, another leading character in the movie).

I’d advise that you don’t read this book if you’ve never seen the movie. Once you have seen it, you’ll probably find yourself looking for answers. If you’re already a fan of the movie, I have to warn you that you probably won’t be able to watch the film in quite the same way again. Learning what you do as you read this, the whole thing develops a rather tragic element. You may have seen Tommy Wiseau as a clown-like figure before, but after this you’ll see he’s very much a sad clown.

As much as I did enjoy the information about The Room, where the ideas for it came from and the issues it faced during production, for me, the most interesting part of this book was how it covers the relationship between Greg and Tommy. At times, I thought Tommy seemed an awfully toxic and abusive person who wasn’t deserving of the friendship which Greg was offering him. At other times, I was so glad that they had each other. It’s such a beautiful and complicated thing.

What I also found fascinating, was the insight into Tommy Wiseau himself. I already knew he was an unusual and mysterious man, but the book made me realise that he’s even more curious than I thought. How does he seem to have a near infinite supply of money? Why does he own so many buildings in LA? Why is he so secretive about how old he is and where he comes from? Why does he like to tell people he’s a vampire? The book does provide a semi-speculative account of his origins and early life which, if true, are pretty darn heart-breaking.

On top of being an interesting insight into a movie I love, it’s also an amazing chronicle of the life of a struggling actor in LA and a look into a friendship which is quite unlike anything you’ll have heard before. Overall, that makes for a pretty great read.

Rating: 8.9/10

Buy it here.

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Global Quiz

Every summer I like to organise a meal out in Nando’s with all of the friends that I know. It’s always a really exciting day and something I look forward to. Of course, what with the ongoing global pandemic, it hasn’t been possible to arrange a meal like this this year.

Still, I didn’t want to miss out on doing something nice, so I decided to come up with an alternative. This year, I decided to host a large virtual quiz. In the end, I had about twenty friends playing in it. I have to say, I really enjoyed myself and, in some ways, it was better than if I had had a usual meal out.

I wrote a set of questions based around film, TV, video games and books, with the hope that I would be able to make at least one question for each person playing. I wanted everyone to have a moment where they felt pleased that their area of expertise had come up – this was a lot harder than I thought, but I really enjoyed putting it together and thinking about the individual interests of my different friends. Being a quiz host to so many is something I’d love to do again.

But what was most rewarding about it was the fact that I was able to have so many friends together at once. My circle of friends is spread, not only across the country, but across the world too. Arranging a simple Nando’s meal out would have meant that my friends who are more than about ten miles away couldn’t have come. For once, I had almost everybody together.

There are four people who I’ve ever considered to possibly be my best friend and I had 3/4 in the quiz. They all come from very different parts of my life and most of them haven’t really met before, or don’t interact together very often at very least – so having them together, in addition to a large number of other people that I feel very close to, was amazing. With so many people from different aspects of life all together at once, I suppose I could say that it made me feel ‘whole’ in a way that couldn’t have happened otherwise.

I hope to be able to arrange something else like this before long, because having all my friends together was really amazing. If I ever get to have a big, real world gathering with all these people – oh my. That will be a pretty darn exciting day.

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The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

This was only the second Zelda game that I ever played – as you can imagine, I feel a great deal of nostalgia for it and I am very fond of it. However, I don’t think my fondness is entirely rooted in nostalgia. I think this is genuinely one of the best instalments in the series.

Something I really like about this game is that its story is very different from the others. Link is onboard a ship which sinks in a storm and he then wakes up on Koholint Island. He then gets caught up in the mysteries of this island and finds himself on a quest to awaken the Wind Fish, who sleeps within a giant egg on top of the mountain. It’s much smaller scale than a heroic quest to save a kingdom from a dark lord, but I find this quirky little tale rather charming.

The original Game Boy wasn’t a particularly powerful console and Koholint Island is broken up into a large number of screens which you tranisition between. Despite this the island comprises of beaches, mountains, forests, swamps, caves, rivers, graveyards and more. At the time, it felt amazing to have this miniature world contained within a Game Boy cartridge and to this day, it’s something which remains appealing to me. It’s really satisfying to explore every nook and cranny of the island as there are a lot of secrets to discover.

A part of what makes Koholint Island so charming, is the people who inhabit it. First there’s Marin, a kind hearted girl who helps you out when you first wash up on the beach. There’s her Mario-lookalike father, Tarin, who loves hunting for mushrooms. There’s a talking alligator who loves eating dog food. Syrup, a witch who lives in a crooked tree who can make magic powders for you. There’s also a whole village of talking animals, including a hippo who’s a model. It’s beautiful.

And guess what else? This island is full of Nintendo cameos. Shy Guys, Goombas and Piranha Plants all appear as enemies. An evil version of Kirby, named the Anti-Kirby, is another one. There’s also Mr. Write, an introverted man who loves writing letters, who is also quite literally just Dr. Wright from Sim City. There’s a lady who keeps pet Chain Chomps and part of the game (a really good bit) involves taking one for a walk. Wart the villain of Super Mario Bros. 2 and Doki Doki Panic is an NPC. I love this kind of stuff.

Besides all this, you have a solid Zelda adventure, which involves exploring various different dungeons in order to collect ancient instruments. Despite being in black and white and working with 8-bit graphics, the game succeeds in making each of the eight dungeons feel unique and distinct. A part of this comes down to the fact that each one has its own musical theme. Speaking of which, the game as a whole greatly benefits from its soundtrack – though 8-bit, it helps set a mysterious tone (sometimes veering on creepy), helping to intrigue you about the dark secrets of the island.

Overall, I think this is a great game. It’s also a little melancholy, for reasons I won’t get into just now to avoid spoiling it, but it’s only really comparable to Majora’s Mask in this regard. If you’re in the mood for a classic Zelda adventure, but one which also goes against the mould in some regards, then this may be your best choice. I heavily recommend it to any fan of the series.

Rating: 9.3/10

Buy it here.

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John-Boy Walton and the Fight Against Fascism

Donald Trump recently tweeted that ANTIFA has now been classified as a terrorist organisation. Considering the fact that ANTIFA isn’t actually an organisation and just a word used to describe the community of people who oppose fascism, it’s very concerning news. I suppose it would be the equivalent of making feminism a terrorist organisation.

On a more positive note, I was recently watching what is, perhaps, the best episode of The Waltons: The Firestorm. Why am I mentioning this? It’s because it’s an episode which deals with fascism. In fact, it’s more than that: it’s an episode which shows just how fascism could begin to arise within the United States.

In the episode, as he grows concerned about Hitler’s rise to power in Germany, John-Boy plans to write an article about Mein Kampf – printing excerpts from it to highlight how concerning it is. However, the local church group takes an interest in his idea and opposes it as they believe that printing the excerpts is just spreading Hitler’s word. The reverend then openly condemns John-Boy and his article during a sermon.

The response from the local people… is to start acting like Nazis. They’re pretty ignorant about what’s going on in Germany, so to their minds, it’s just a case of Hitler = bad, without being aware of realities of his fascist regime and the systematic oppression of the people there taking place.

So what happens to John-Boy? Local hooligans break into his car and toss all his copies of his newspaper out onto the street, he arrives just in time to stop him and they run off shouting “Seig Heil!” over and over again. All of his customers, who usually buy advertising in his newspaper, turn him down as, due his newfound bad reputation and they don’t want to be associated with it. Someone tosses a stone through the window of his house and he finds that the stone has a swastika on it. Even his friends and family start to turn against him… a situation similar to that of someone who might have spoken out against Hitler.

The anti-fascist message of the episode is very clear and it holds a warning too: when fear and ignorance run rampant, fascism can happen anywhere even in a country like America. This idea, today, would be considered controversial and even offensive to some, but it’s very true and it was ingeniously expressed in this episode. On a much larger scale, you can see how fascist views are beginning to spread through the country and that’s not because people like fascism (they don’t even realise what it is) but because misinformation has made them ignorant and afraid.

What’s ironic, is that The Waltons are considered an archetype of the all-American family, yet the views expressed on the show are more and more at odds with the vision for the country created by Donald Trump. President George Bush Sr. once said that America should be a lot more like the Waltons and a lot less like the Simpsons – I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the Simpsons, but they should certainly be a lot more like the Waltons and a lot less like the Trumps. In the conclusion of the episode, a burning of German books is arranged and John-Boy makes them realise they’re burning a Bible among them, just like Nazis do, causing them to realise they’ve become the thing they’re most afraid of. Let’s hope the John-Boys of the real world can help people come to this same conclusion.

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Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl

Growing up, I had quite a fondness for foxes and I was also very fond of the few Roald Dahl novels I was aware of. As such, I was pretty intrigued by Fantastic Mr. Fox, but for whatever reason, I never got around to reading it. That is, until now.

You may think that by waiting until I was an adult, I might have missed my opportunity to properly enjoy and maybe you’re right, but I still quite enjoyed reading it.

The story follows Mr. Fox as he evades a group of hideous farmers (Boggis, Bunce and Bean) who are trying to kill him because he steals chickens to feed his starving family. I suppose it’s a very simple premise, but it’s quite a short book, so it didn’t need to be more complex. The farmers are a good mixture of comedically ridiculous and genuinely intimidating. I have to admit that I was surprised by how dark it was at times: they’re there with guns, shooting at our cheeky talking animal protagonist and plotting other ways to try and kill him, his wife and his kids. I’m not sure a modern children’s book about a talking animal could get away with this.

Also, even though it may not have been intended by Dahl at all, I like to see it as an anti-fox hunting novel. People like to say that foxes are vermin who kill farmers’ innocent chickens and that’s why it’s okay to hunt them for sport, but as this book shows they’re just trying to feed their kids! What gives the farmers any more right to the lives of these chickens than the foxes?

So if you’re looking for a short, light-hearted children’s novel, then I think this might be just your glass of water!

Rating: 7.6/10

Buy it here.

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No thanks, Manscaped!

Recently, I keep seeing adverts for a company called Manscaped, who sell male razors specifically designed for body hair removal. In theory, I am not against the existence of such a product, but in practise these adverts make me downright angry. They’re so toxic.

The all follow the same general premise: a man with body hair (and not ever really any excessive amount) will be out somewhere where his body hair is visible, usually a beach or something, then he’ll end up being shamed for it and end up shaving it off. To quote one of them directly “the thought of hair down there is disgusting!” and then some of them give statistics along the lines of “Did you know 80% of women hate body hair?” one even had a woman saying “If I’m going to be smooth, I expect you to as well!”

I hate it. It is a simple fact of life that people have body hair. Almost every single adult who ever lived has the capacity to grow body hair. And these adverts, by the way, tend to focus specifically on pubic hair. Nobody should feel self-conscious about this, because who’s even going to see this? Besides which, it’s a normal part of the human body. I’ve not seen a large number of people naked, but all of those who I have, have had pubic hair – male or female, it’s just a part of us and nobody should be made to feel it’s disgusting.

To clarify, I am not anti-shaving. All people are entitled to do as they please with their bodies. Some may want to shave, some may not and that’s fine, but what’s not fine is pressuring people to shave or telling them that they are disgusting because they don’t do it.

As a final side note, I also don’t like the implication of the advert that men should care about whether or not women find them sexually attractive. Absolutely not. Aside from the fact that it ignores homosexual and asexual men who won’t have any reason to care, even those who are seeking a female partner shouldn’t pay too much attention to it – this is not the path to confidence (the most attractive quality), rather it is the path to self-consciousness and insecurity.

I appreciate that this issue is one which disproportionately affects women rather than men, but it’s these adverts specifically targeted at men which have gotten me worked up recently. By all means, everything I’ve said in this blog posts applies to every person, regardless of gender. So if you have ever been made to feel that your body hair is gross, it isn’t – please don’t worry about it.

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Wario’s Woods

Wario’s games come in many different shapes and sizes. From platformers which aren’t too different from Mario games, all the way through to really bizzare mini-game collections. Wario’s Woods was one of the first Wario games and it’s very different to everything which came before or after.

Player’s may be a little disappointed to find that they don’t play as Wario, but instead Toad. Wario has invaded the Peaceful Woods and filled it with monsters, so Toad heads into the trees and has to stack bombs on different coloured enemies to make rows of fours to destroy them, eventually making your way to Wario.

This is, in my opinion, one of the best puzzle games Nintendo ever created and one of the best games on the NES. For a while, I played a level of this game every day after work and it was the perfect way to relax an unwind. It was pretty addictive actually and I often couldn’t stop after only one level. I was sad when it came to an end.

In some ways, it feels like it’s building on some of the ideas of Super Mario Bros. 2 and then implementing them in a puzzle game. Toad has never been a character I’ve been hugely invested in, but this is probably my favourite of his playable appearances because this is a fun and unique game and it’s all ‘his’. It’s also nice that it has some kind of a story (the end is pretty funny) and Birdo is there too – which is kind of random, but interesting early use of the character.

So if you like puzzle games, you should definitely try this because it plays really well and hasn’t really aged too badly at all (despite being a NES game). I think it’s a shame that this game is so overlooked because I consider it a real classic.

Rating: 9/10

Buy it here.

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A Video Tribute to The Waltons

Nine years ago, I saw a video by a YouTuber called BabelColour who had made a Doctor Who tribute video set to the song ‘What About Everything’ by Carbon Leaf. I think he did an excellent job. It was also my first time hearing this song – I loved it. I thought to myself “It would be great if somebody made a tribute video to The Waltons set to the same song.”

The years went by and every time I listened to the song, I imagined which clips would appear alongside which lyrics. Then, a few weeks ago, with the time on my hands that the lockdown has afforded, I thought to myself “Why don’t I have a try at making it myself?” so I did just that. I tried to encompass every aspect of the show, including clips from every season and representing all of the major characters – but there was a lot to represent! Anyway, you can watch my video below and I hope you will enjoy it:

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