Today I’ve decided that it’s time to broach the subject of my “love life” (as they say) which, save for the odd accidental date and random proposal, I’ve never really written about before.

To be honest, beside this and some irrelevant teenage nonsense, there isn’t very much else to write about. Romance does not hold a great level of significance to me and I find all the emotional fulfillment I need from the close bonds I share with my very best friends. I have never, ever met somebody and then quickly thought to myself “oh, hey, this person could make a nice romantic partner” as that’s not how my mind works.

But there was one time, of course, or otherwise I wouldn’t have made this the subject of a blog post, would I? It would be a bit like deciding to write about cycling and then just saying ‘I have no experience of this’ – it wouldn’t make for very interesting reading, would it? So I’ve got a story to tell and one which I’ve not told many people before.

In truth, there was a time, years ago, where all the factors were in place for me to ‘fall in love’ with somebody – and it was a wonderful experience. I never told them and I never really told anybody else either (other than vague mentions to friends years later.) I was having such a nice time and feeling that I was living in a heightened version of reality, that I felt like articulating it would burst the bubble and destroy the illusion.

It was almost certainly one-sided, and that’s okay – after all, we do not choose who we fall in love with. Though we were very close and shared many very nice experiences, it ultimately had to come to an end. This was very sad indeed and there are few things which upset me quite as much.

But, as the title of this blog post says: it’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. I completely agree with this statement. Those emotions were something which I didn’t think I’d ever really experience, but I’m so lucky that I did. Not only was the raw energy of it so invigorating, but it helped to illuminate every single area of my life – never had I appreciated life so much and I still feel the residual effects of that now.

How could I possibly wish that one of the most rewarding experiences of my life had never happened? Sure, it was very sad to become separated from this person, but to wish the experience had never happened because of a sad ending, is to place more importance on happiness than sadness, which I will not do.

Ultimately, I feel very fortunate to have experienced something, which I don’t think everybody does. This may sound very cynical, but I feel for a lot of people ‘love’ is just a box to be ticked on the list of life’s achievements; they get together because they’re afraid of being alone, or because they want somebody to share their experiences with, or even because they just sexually desire the person.

But for me, that’s not the case: love is an appreciation of a person’s virtues – their kindness, empathy and their consideration for others. Meeting somebody who genuinely inspires you. A respect for the integrity of their moral character – and it’s not about sharing anything. It’s not about owning or possessing. It’s about wanting the other person to achieve the highest level of happiness that’s possible for them and doing the best you can to help them do so – even if it means them being with somebody else. Because when you do love somebody, their happiness becomes more important than your own (which, I appreciate, can be unhealthy) and you will learn to become content with the fact that you get to play any kind of role in their life.

I don’t know if I’ll have this experience again in my life and it’s okay if I don’t. I am just very lucky to have once had that positive energy flowing through me, because, frankly, it was amazing.

I have a number of people with whom I am very close. There are a lot of things which are important to keeping friendships alive over a long period – kindness and empathy being two of the biggest – but ultimately I feel that communication is the most important thing for long-lasting relationships of any kind.

I always tell my friends what I think and, most often, this takes the form of complimenting and praising them. It does, however, occasionally mean that I have to raise something that I’m unhappy with. The majority of the time, there’ll be a resolution after a brief discussion. My friends also have no trouble with communicating their thoughts directly to me (or so it appears from my perspective.)

If there is ever a problem, it’s discussed, resolved and forgotten. If I speak to somebody about a problem I have which relates to them, I’ll forget about it almost as soon as I’ve discussed it with them. The case is closed and no longer worthy of any thought or discussion.

I feel like this is a normal and healthy way to manage the relationships in your life, but in recent times I’ve found that this is not as common as I thought. I trust all of my friends entirely to communicate any difficulties and if they aren’t directly telling me something, I never really worry that there’s something eating at them. I also don’t often concern myself with the thought that an ‘ignored’ message on social media really means anything.

I always like to plant the seeds for this dynamic as early as possible – let people know that I will always be open with them and encourage them to be the same with me. It may be naive, but I trust my friends to do this and it honestly saves me from a great deal of anxiety. It’s just a whole area of worry for some people that doesn’t bother me (not that it didn’t worry me back in my teenage days) but it’s an easy thing to move on from and it’s important for your general wellbeing to try and do this too.

Before I start this blog post, I would like to write a bit of a disclaimer: I find online chat systems very useful. I use several of them and I use them regularly. They’re a great facilitator for social interactions in reality, they’re a great way to keep in touch with people who move far away and they’re a useful tool for checking in on people who you haven’t seen in a while. Having said all that, I’d now like to proceed to tear them down with a string of criticisms.

As time goes by, I find myself less and less inclined to talk people online. The reason? Speaking face to face is just a much deeper and more rewarding experience. Lovely and touching conversations I’ve had with people stick with me for years and years – yet it’s extremely rare for an online chat to have the same sort of impact, no matter how positive it may be. I’m not saying that it never happens, but it’s just a lot harder to feel invested in words on a screen.

Then there’s the fact that it’s a lot trickier to communicate directly online. For many people, it’s hard to properly convey the emotion that they want to express, because they don’t have the help of body language or tone of voice. I’ve had a few instances where people have been concerned that I am either annoyed with them or deeply unhappy about something, when the reality has been that there’s no subtext whatsoever. And I’m equally as guilty of it: I have worried people have been upset or unhappy, when really they’re just quickly messaging because they’re busy with something else.

I suppose I think it’s kind of like this: you can watch or a film or you can read that films plot synopsis from Wikipedia. In both instances you gain the same information, but the experiences are vastly different. One will be fun and memorable, the other gives you the information and maybe engages you to some extent, but ultimately doesn’t provide you with much to engage you on an emotional level. The only issue is, that it’s a lot easier to find the time to read a synopsis than it is to watch a whole film.

So while I definitely appreciate the convenience of online chatting and wouldn’t be in touch with some of my friends without it, I also try to save as many conversations to be shared in person as possible and don’t apply too much significance to digital correspondence. It’s probably healthier this way.