People Are Strange

A friend of mine often tells me that I have the strange power to “attract weirdos.” Another friend of mine once said that they felt like awful and terrible people were drawn to me. I was reflecting on this earlier today and I realised that I have had a lot of strange encounters with strangers and people I don’t know very well. Here are a few which spring to mind:

  • Once at a party, a fellow partygoer started kissing me passionately, against my will, to prove that he was secure with his sexuality.
  • One time a classmate started threatening me with a knife outside of school for no reason..
  • I accidentally went on a date with someone once. I wasn’t happy with their response when they realised it was an accident.
  • Once a homeless woman tried to force me into a make out session.
  • Once a person I had only known a short while punched me for not giving them enough attention.
  • One time a couple stole my table for one at a restaurant and started kissing passionately in front of me while I awkwardly sat there too and ate dinner in silence.
  • At a party, a woman sitting next to me pulled out her freshly vajazzled pubis for everybody to see, right next to my face.
  • One time a woman exposed her genitals to her partner to counter his comment that she looked like a man, while I awkwardly walked passed a meter or two away.
  • Once an old boss of mine was going through my private texts and Skype messages.

I suppose that may be an unusual number of strange encounters. But you know what? I wouldn’t want to leave the impression that I think people are strange. I’ll never stop being happy to talk with strangers and get to know them, because for every complete weirdo, there’ll be a person who becomes a lifelong friend.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Anecdotes | Leave a comment

Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis

I had somewhat enjoyed Mario vs. Donkey Kong on the Game Boy Advance and I remember being quite excited when I heard that it was getting a sequel for the Nintendo DS. I was curious to see how they’d improve the formula on superior hardware.

As it turns out, they did not improve the formula. They didn’t worsen it, either. They actually just made something completely different. While the first game had been a sort of successor to Donkey Kong for the original Game Boy, this game had you guiding Mini-Mario toys to the exits of little 2D levels. On paper, it might sound like a change for the worse (and I know some people were unhappy with it) but I actually like it more than those previous two games.

The Mini-Marios actually made their debut in the previous game, but I found them quite annoying in that one, since you just had to lead them to safety with Mario and they often died because of things which felt like they were out of your control. This time, you do feel in control. You can turn the Mini-Marios on and off by tapping them and swipe them left or right to make them go in certain directions. Along the way, they’ll encounter Shy Guys, Piranha Plants and other enemies trying to destroy them. They can’t really defend themselves (unless you lead them to a hammer) so you need to keep an eye on all of them to keep them safe.

Winning a level feels very satisfying and it’s one of those DS games which made good use of the touch screen controls. It wouldn’t really work without them. You go through several worlds along the way and they’re all styled after famous Mushroom Kingdom locations (and one is styled on Donkey Kong Island.) Very nicely, you get remixes of famous Super Mario and Donkey Kong tunes along the way (though I wish they had more Donkey Kong music…)

I also appreciate this game from a story perspective too, which I can’t really say for its prequel.  It starts with Mario opening a theme park based around Mini-Marios and he has Pauline there as a special guest. For the first time, she has a 3D model and it’s pretty cool that they brought this retro character back after all those years. Donkey Kong gets mad when she favours a Mini-Mario over a Mini-Donkey Kong, grabs her by the arm and drags her away. Cue Mini-Mario based chase. There’s a wonderful twist ending to it all and I shan’t spoil it, but let’s just say that I enjoyed Donkey Kong’s characterisation here.

It’s a nice, simple game and it doesn’t have too many problems. I will admit though that one or two of the game’s levels were on the frustrating side and, to be honest, the concept as a whole might not be “meaty” enough for some players. Plus, I do wish that they had incorporated more elements from the Donkey Kong series – other than Pauline and DK himself, it feels more like a Super Mario game which just happens to feature Donkey Kong, rather than a merging of the two series.

Nonetheless, it is an enjoyable puzzle game and something which I would recommend adding to your DS collection.

Rating: 8.6/10

Buy it here.

(Don’t miss today’s Finger Puppet Show!)

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Video Games | Leave a comment

Outrunning the Bus

On Saturday evening, I went out to celebrate the birthday of one of my very best friends. I had a delightful time and got to taste the luxury that is a banana and peanut butter smoothie. However, towards the end of the evening, there was a cause for tension.

My friend Dalfino and I had just gotten off the train and our bus home (the last of the evening) was due to depart in four minutes. Quite a close call. That would have been fine, apart from the fact that Dalfino didn’t have the change for the bus fare. So what were we to do?

Well, I went to the bus station and Dalfino went to the cash machine, I hoped that I might be able to hold it up or something. Sadly, this was not the case. I was standing right next to it as I watched it drive away. Dalfino arrived about ten seconds and I broke the bad news to him.

“Well, what do we do now?” he asked.

“We could sprint to the next stop,” I suggested.

Now, considering the fact that the bus must have had a good thirty second head start on us, our chances seemed slim. Or, at least, they might seem slim to those who are unaware of my super power.

So we set off. I ran along as fast as I could (wearing my office shoes, a blazer and a buttoned collared shirt) dodging all of the late night party people as I did. It was fun and exciting in a way, but the stakes were high as I didn’t want to have to pay for a taxi.

I gave a look behind me every now and then, just to make sure that Dalfino was still keeping up. Concerningly, he seemed to be drifting a little further behind each time I looked back, so I tried to offer him some encouraging hand gestures.

At one point the bus drove past us and for one pessimistic moment, I thought that our chances of catching it were completely lost. But as I sped round the corner, I saw it standing at the next stop. As I got there, the door was still open, but I didn’t want to get on with Dalfino so far behind.

The driver gave me a strange look and it was clear that he’d seen me standing outside at the first stop too. I stepped onto the bus and pretended to take a long time to find my bus pass. Eventually, once I could not stall any further without it seeming unnatural, I took it out, but Dalfino was still not there, so I didn’t want to get on.

“Is it okay if you wait just one second for my friend?” I asked. “I don’t want to make you late, but he won’t be a moment.”

The driver shook his head. Understandable. He probably wanted to get home.

I turned around and looked out of the bus. No sign of Dalfino. I awkwardly faced the driver again. Then I turned to look for Dalfino once more – and there he was!

“Ah!” I said. “Here he is!”

I then sat down in a comfortable seat on the and realised that though I had managed to catch the bus, I was now utterly exhausted. I had not physically exerted myself in such a way in a long time.

Dalfino and I shared a celebratory high five as he sat down and sat in the silent contentedness that comes when you know you’ve acquired an anecdote which will serve you well for many years.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Anecdotes | Leave a comment

Rayman

Rayman is a fondly remembered gaming icon of the 1990s and early 2000s and while he might not be considered as much of a big deal these days, his games are still fun to play. The original Rayman was released in 1995 and it’s an enjoyable 2D platformer which has aged quite well.

The story isn’t really much of a focus (even less so than other games in this genre.) All you really need to know is that he’s travelling through a strange and surreal world in order to rescue something called the Great Protoon from somebody named Mr. Dark. It sets up the game and it’s really all you need.

What I like so much about this game is that the worlds all look very beautiful (the art is very nice, especially for its time) and there’s a great soundtrack to accompany it. The music is often quite ambient and I sometimes get the impression that a lot of the strange and bizarre things I’m seeing are supposed to symbolise something more meaningful, though they’re almost certainly not.

Sometimes you’ll be going through jungles and caves, which are obviously fairly standard video game locales, but they’re portrayed really well here. Other times you’ll be walking through levels made of art supplies or musical notations, which is very unique. I have a personal preference for the ones which are grounded in reality (they have a certain fairy tale charm to them) but I basically like them all.

There is one main area where the game could be improved, however: the difficulty. It’s far too hard. Now, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate finely tuned platforming which is tough, but fair – it can be nice to really perfect your approach to a level so that you can win. Sadly, a lot of the tough sections in Rayman don’t feel fair to me. There’ll be obstacles flying all over the place  and everything that hits Rayman, pushes him back, often into deadly bottomless pits. It’s really infurating sometimes, especially near the end.

Speaking of the end, you need to find all of the collectables hidden in each world to access the final world… considering the difficulty in finishing some of them even once, this was not something I was willing to do. I usually like to complete every game I review but, sadly, finishing all but the final world will have to count as “completing” in this case.

But, overall, I’d hate to leave a negative impression of this game. The difficulty can get frustrating, sure, but I still had a good time with this game and genuinely enjoyed many of its levels. Plus, it was the game that gave us Rayman: iconic and limbless creature that he is. I’d say it’s worth a try.

Rating: 8.1/10

Buy it here.

(Don’t miss today’s Finger Puppet Show!)

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Video Games | Leave a comment

Food: The Universal Ice Breaker

Do you struggle to make conversation with people? Well, here’s one tip to make it easier to make small talk with people. Think about this: What’s the one thing that everybody loves? Food, of course. So if you want to talk to someone, just talk to them about food.

Let’s say you’re in a context where you’re near someone who you think is pretty cool and you want to be friends with them (or even seduce them, should you be so inclined) but you don’t know how to break the ice. Say this: “I had a sandwich yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah?” they ask, intrigued.

“Yeah. It had cheese in it.”

“Wow, cool. What was it? Cheese and onion? Cheese and pickle? Cheese and tomato? Four cheese and onion chutney? Cheese and carrot? Gosh. There’s so many options. I love them all.”

See what I mean? Your conversation would be off to a great start. After a few of these food based dialogues, your relationship will be off to a great start. And the good thing about food, is that there’s so much of it to discuss and everybody can relate.

I was eating an orange the other day, you know? Wow. I went to Nando’s. Oh my goodness, I’m so happy for you. What’s your favourite onion colour? Are we speaking aesthetics or taste? What are your top ten favourite vegetables? Portobello mushrooms gotta be number one, right? And boy it better aint be tomatoes! Speaking of tomatoes, who’s your least favourite international terrorist? Gosh. I was eating a brownie the other day. Oh my. Oh my. It was a good one. I trembled. Know what I mean? Yeah. So good. Is there any greater physical pleasure in life? Of course not. Have you ever thought about how cheesecake is so good? Probably because its a combination of cheese and cake, two 10/10 foods. Wow. I’m so hungry. Let’s go and get dinner together and solidify that bond which will bind us both until death us do part. The only upside that will come if I outlive you, is that I will get to eat delicious food at the wake after your funeral.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Food And Drink, Funny and Silly | Leave a comment

International Women’s Day

Usually the third blog post of the week comes on Friday, but as today is International Women’s Day, I thought I’d write something for the occasion. I’ve actually been meaning to do this for some time, but each year I always miss the day. Until now, that is. So I’ll be taking this opportunity to appreciate the positive influence the women in my life have on me.

There’s an attitude among some people, that men and women cannot really be friends, but this is absolutely not true. Just a few week ago, a friend of mine told me that if I found a good job opportunity somewhere far away, she’d give me the financial support I’d need to relocate. Another friend recently bought me a special little gift in order to help lift my spirits after a downbeat ending to the previous year. But these two things are based on finances, and not everybody has those, so what about emotional support and value? A friend of mine once spoke with me extensively on the subject of body image, in order to help me feel more confident. Another would always stand up for me, back in school. Another gave me a lot of support when dealing with an abusive employer.

But we mustn’t look at friendships as what a person can give to you, but rather the experiences shared. Whether it’s been exploring forests, visiting Christmas markets, visiting Nando’s, working on projects together, visiting amusement arcades or just generally spending time together without much of a “special occasion” my female friends have done a lot to enrich my life and I am often inspired and encouraged by their achievements.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Lovely Things | Leave a comment

Tetris DX

I was quite excited when I saw a cheap copy of Tetris DX in a local pre-owned games shop. I’d wanted it for quite a while, although, strangely, I didn’t really know very much about it. To be honest, I had the impression that it was just the same as the earlier Game Boy Tetris, just with added colour. In reality, it’s actually quite a different game (or as different as two version of Tetris can be.)

The first change is something that you’ll notice as soon as you turn the game on. It has save files. The original could not save at all, which is very annoying for a game like this. But this time, you register your name and then it automatically adds you onto the score boards when you do well and it keeps track of the total number of lines you’ve cleared, which is pretty cool. Essentially, you can have several different “accounts” and then whoever is playing will always have their high scores attributed to them.

Aside from the classic Marathon Mode (which continues to be endlessly enjoyable to this day) they’ve also added Ultra Mode, 40 Lines and Vs. Com. Ultra Mode has you getting as many points as possible within a three minute time limit (good for when you know you have limited time.) 40 Lines has you clearing 40 lines as quickly as possible and Vs. Com has you playing against a computer player in the same way that you might play against a human player (which is also an option.)

But this game has one big problem. It’s going to sound so petty when I say it, too. Anyway, I’m sure you know the what the Tetris Theme A music is, don’t you? That classic piece of Russian folk music (otherwise known as Korobeiniki) which is really catchy and which everybody associates with the game? The music that you love listening to while you play Tetris? Well, it’s not really in this version. You have a choice of music tracks for when you play and they’re all quite boring and forgettable. The tune does make a very minor cameo in one of the little animations you get when you get a high score… but that’s not good enough!

Honestly, I feel bad saying this, but even though this game has added nice colours and and new modes, I can’t say that I enjoy it more than the original, because it’s lacking the original’s excellent soundtrack. Music plays a big role in my enjoyment of a game. If it weren’t for the fact that this one can actually save (which is a big plus) I’d probably have to say that it was worse than the original. As it stands, they’re about even.

Rating: 9.4/10

Buy it here.

(Don’t miss today’s Finger Puppet Show!)

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Video Games | Leave a comment

Slenderman games:

2012: Slender: The Eight Pages
2013: Slender: The Arrival
2014: Minecraft ¹

Footnotes:

  1. Using the Halloween Texture Pack, you can replace all of the Endermen with Slendermen.
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Video Game Reviews | Leave a comment

Sentimental Reminders

Recently, I was waiting for a portion of chips to be given to me at the local chip shop. It’s a greasy and kind of disgusting little place really… Yet when I’m there I always feel very sentimental and even a little wistful. Why is this? It is just a chip shop that shouldn’t hold any kind of value. The thing is, that the first time I remember going there was back in 2012 – around that time, a friend of mine was away and I’d always have a nice long chat with them online when I got home. It was a summer then and a time I’ll always remember fondly.

While I was there, it got me thinking of all the things that are sentimental reminders for me. It’s a long list:

  • Nando’s: The restaurant I’ve visited with almost all of my very best friends (and a fair few other people too.) A thousand sentimental memories are tied to this delicious restaurant.
  • Magic Stars: You know those delicious star shaped chocolates? Well, they’ll always remind me of a particular friend and a particular time. I wrote about it in full once before.
  • Churros: I just realised all of these things are based on food. Hmm. Back in 2015, I had a very nice Christmassy day with my friend Mairi in Winter Wonderland and they’ll be forever tied to that day for me.
  • Star Trek: The Next Generation: Not food now. Back in 2012, I started watching Star Trek: The Next Generation with a friend of mine. Since then, we’ve seen, maybe, five episodes. Circumstances have changed, so we can’t see each other to watch them anymore. Nonetheless, the show will always be associated with them in my mind and since I started it with them, I will finish it with them, no matter how long it takes!
  • To Kill a Mocking-Bird: Back in the period of time between 2009 and 2011, I had a very good English teacher. She gave me a lot of encouragement with my writing and was generally a very caring and supportive person. She said that certain aspects of my writing were similar to those of Harper Lee’s, so she suggested I read To Kill a Mocking-Bird. I did and I loved it and I’ll always associate it with the teacher whom I miss.
  • Squirrels: Last summer was an especially good time in my life. I remember strolling through the park with my friend Sophie on one sunny evening and she showed me that it was possible to attract squirrels and make them come near you. I had no idea, but I was very excited and I’m always reminded of that when I see them in the wild now.
  • Trusty Water Bottle: An obvious one. Here’s a blog post on all of my Trusty Water Bottle memories. It should be quite a bit longer now.
  • Professor Layton: My old friend David was a big fan of the Professor Layton games. He’d often recommend them to me and even play me music from them (which was very good.) Last year, I finally got around to playing one of them – it was a very emotional experience for me. I don’t get to see David these days, so the music was something I hadn’t heard since the time of seeing him regularly. Plus, David was a big fan of puzzles. He’d always have them for me. Playing the game, then, was like a digital version of spending time with David.

I’ll stop myself there. Basically, I don’t seem to be able to go through a single day without something provoking a strong emotional response from me, as so many things make me remember something which happened in the past. What is brings out a sentimental reaction from you?

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Lovely Things | Leave a comment

Is Writing Too Conventional?

I studied Creative Writing at university for three years. During that time, I was taught all of the conventions of “good” writing. Since I have been made aware of them, it has become easier for me to identify famous authors using these conventions in their work. Also, when I read much older pieces of work, I can tell that they will have been written before these conventions will have been solidified.

As you probably tell from the title, I do sometimes wonder if this might be to the detriment of the art form. Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand why it is that these conventions have arisen: they’ve honed and refined fiction to make it more enjoyable to read. Take a book from two hundred years ago and the author will tell you exactly what emotion the protagonist is feeling. Maybe they’ll also spend several paragraphs describing their clothes too. These are two things which our developing writing conventions have helped to eliminate in modern work.

But here’s what I mean by things getting too conventional: I was reading Les Misérables and the author went off on a huge tangent talking about the history of sewer systems. I’ll admit, it was really boring and a modern editor would have insisted it be cut due to the fact that it is irrelevant to the central storyline – but, I thought to myself, could not a writer make use of this method in a better way? Done properly a tangent could really illuminate or add interesting context to a story, yet most writers would avoid doing it.

I can completely understand why the rules and conventions of writing exist and they have genuinely improved the form a lot and helped to make novels much more engaging over time. Just every now and then, I wonder if they might stifle creativity in some ways.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmail
Posted in Writing | Leave a comment