The other day it was International Friendship Day and, due to a slight mix up, I accidentally thought that it was actually today. Anyway, regardless of that minor technicality, International Friendship Day is something I actually like to celebrate in quite a real way. I always take the time to send messages to every friend I have – whether they’re somebody with whom I’ve shared a close relationship for years or people who I have just had one or two nice interactions with. I like all of these people to know that they are valued and not only is it probably nice for them all to receive a message complimenting them, but it’s also very nice for me to get replies from all of those people.

I think it’s a shame that this isn’t something which everybody does, because there are days to celebrate familial relationships and days to celebrate romantic relationships, but friendship is something which kind of gets left at the wayside. It’s a problem of society as a whole, I think, that friendship is not valued. A day like this would always be something to look forward to and not only that, but it would help lonely people to feel valued, because people would be encouraged to share affection with all the people in their life, even those who otherwise might have been taken for granted. But, in the meantime, I will just honour the day in my own way. I look forward to next International Friendship Day.

Back when I was in school, especially while I was in sixth form, I remember being told quiet often that I was intelligent. Not only did teachers often praise me for this, but my friends often said so too – if there was a random question about something which people didn’t know the answer too, they would ask me (even teachers on a couple of occasions.) This felt good and, for a couple of years, I did genuinely think I was rather intelligent.

But as I reflect, it’s interesting to see how my self-perception changed a lot during the two years I was in sixth form. I went in thinking that I was rather clever and left thinking I was rather simple minded. Why is this? Well, it’s not because I was made to feel stupid in any of my classes or anything like that – I got pretty good grades and learned about quite a lot of interesting ideas and concepts which expanded the breadth of my knowledge.

But I think, perhaps I felt like I was intelligent before, because I was quite unaware of the enormous extent of the things that there are to know in the world, or because I was so inexperienced. I’m not sure, because I can’t remember my thought processes of such a long time ago. Obviously, there’s the famous Socrates quote “I know that I know nothing” and from a certain perspective, it could look as if I’m trying to say that I came to that conclusion, but I think really I had just identified the arrogance of youth.

Another thing which I quite regularly reflect on, is the fact that I’m quite ignorant about the world of romantic and sexual relationships. I always, always forget that couples who live together have (in the majority of cases) only one bedroom; I’m not sure why it is that I can keep this fact stored in my mind academically, only to forget it when pops up in reality – these usually leaves me feeling quite silly. I’m also often told that I am unable to identify the signs of romantic attraction – and I do think it is hard to tell, because different people behave in different ways and everybody expresses affection differently. On top of that, I also really struggle with euphemisms, which also makes me feel rather unintelligent.

I don’t want to be too down on myself: I am probably not unintelligent, merely of average level, but I so often feel that I am coming to things with a completely different perspective to everybody else or that I am so out of touch with the reference points that others’ share, which causes me to feel unintelligent. So what is the purpose of this post? Well, really, I just wanted to reflect on how much our self-perception changes and, indeed, how we ourselves do change in very major ways. Taking a step back, there are probably three versions of you: how you see yourself, how your friends see you and what you actually are. And I just remembered that used to be an internet meme.

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Empathy is probably the human virtue which I value most highly. When I look at all of the people with whom I have shared a close relationship, there’s quite a diverse range of personalities, but there’s one thing which all of them share and that is a strong sense of empathy. I like to think that I can make friends with anybody, but if somebody lacks that crucial empathetic quality, I am not sure I could ever form an especially strong bond with somebody. But then, to have a strong bond with somebody, the positive feelings need to flow from each person and if somebody is not at all empathetic, can they really care for somebody else? At least, to any significant level? On the other hand, I am able to accept the fact that I am a fairly atypical person; some people have described me as “eccentric” and other similar things, which seems strange to me, but as this is the case, it might be that non-empathetic would struggle to befriend me in particular – it might not just be that I find it hard to connect with people who are not very empathetic, but also that they find it hard to bond with me. Either way, it likely is not a coincidence that I notice this similar trait amongst all of my closest friends and, at very least, it must be a quality which I am attracted to.

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