Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J. K. Rowling

PictureThis is the second Harry Potter novel and it starts where the first one left off, with Harry home for the summer following his first year at Hogwarts. One day he gets a visit from a house elf named Dobby, who warns him that some very bad things will happen to him if he returns for his second year. Once Harry does get back, he begins to discover that there is indeed something strange going on at Hogwarts, once again!

I think this book is better than the first, in part due to the addition of several excellent characters. First, there’s Ron’s younger sister Ginny who has a little bit of a crush on Harry. While she isn’t in all that many scenes, it’s always lovely when she is, because she’s so nice and sweet. Second, there’s the school’s new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher: Gilderoy Lockhart. He’s a very over the top man and he has quite a high opinion of himself too. All the main characters (other than Hermione) find him very annoying, but I found him to be hilarious and loveable. Finally, there’s Dobby. Dobby is a house elf which means that he is a slave to a certain family and he worries constantly about doing things that will upset them. Like Ginny, he’s not in many scenes, but he’s still an adorable addition to the story.

Another upside of this story is that it gives you a bit of a look at the history of Hogwarts. I don’t want to spoil any crucial part, but there’s a flashback to the school fifty years in the past which was a very good bit. As well as that, characters also discuss the original founders of Hogwarts who lived thousands of years ago, which works well to make the magical world feel more developed.

On the whole, this does all the good things the first book does and adds several more good things too! I found that this one was much funnier at times, that it had a lot more emotional depths than the first and that it was even slightly creepy too.

Rating: 8.5/10

Buy it here.

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Balloon Fight

PictureBalloon Fight is a game where you take control of a man who is attached to a couple of balloons which he uses to fly, and then fight birds who are also flying around on balloons. It’s pretty basic, but nice and fun. There are three different game modes.

The first is the one player game. In this you find yourself in one of several stages. These stages all take up the space of a single screen and you can only move left, right, up or down, they are not three dimensional. Every level will have a certain amount of enemy birds to fight and to defeat them you have to fly over them and pop their balloons, which will cause them to fall to the ground, and then you have to bump into them again, which will knock them into the water at the bottom of the stage. As well as the birds, you also have to dodge bolts of lightning (which will kill you instantly) and a large fish which jumps out of the water in order to try and eat you. These levels go on forever and you are just playing to get a high score, rather than towards any goal. I find it pretty enjoyable.

The second mode is the two player game. This is identical to the one player game, except a second player takes control over a second balloon fighter. Unlike a lot of NES games, when you play multiplayer, both of you are playing simultaneously, rather than alternately, which makes things even more fun. The multiplayer mode adds more variety; you can choose to help one another defeat the birds, or you can choose to treat each other as another enemy and fight each other while fighting the birds. This is definitely my favourite of all the modes.

Finally, there is a mode called Balloon Trip. Here you are put in an infinitely long side-scrolling level where you have to dodge hundreds of little sparks (which will kill you instantly) and the goal is basically just to see how far you can get. This mode is both very frustrating and very addictive. You can be doing really, really well but then one slip and you’re dead, so you’ll try again and again always trying to outdo yourself.

On the whole, the game is good for what it is, but what it is isn’t much, if that makes sense? It’s more enjoyable than a lot of other early NES games.

Rating: 6.9/10

Buy it here for NES.

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Hiding

I’m a bit disappointed with how this strip turned out. The last four panels are not supposed to be larger than the first eight (they are actually the same size) it’s just something Weebly does when you post multiple images. It’s a shame really, because it makes it hard to have a strip which is over eight panels long: either I try and post it all as one image and it comes out almost too small to read (like this) or I have to divide the strip and most two images and they are very obviously separate (like this) which is what happened here too. I had a choice between it all being tiny or the bottom part being massive. Oh well….

Finger puppets can be bought here.

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A Case of Miscaken Intentions

Back when I was in the Corsham School Sixth Form I would often make cakes for my friends for various reasons (I’ve mentioned this before). So, when it was my friend Laura’s birthday, I decided to bake a tasty chocolate cake for her. I met her in the Sixth Form common room in the morning, wished her a happy birthday and handed over the cake. Once that was done, I found myself a seat, sat down and started reading a book while she chatted away with her other friends.
    About an hour later she had to leave in order to go to a lesson. I was able to stay and continue reading though, since I had another free period. But when she left, I couldn’t help but notice that she put the cake (still in its bag) under the sofa. This seemed strange to me; what about all of the hungry students in the room? They might want to steal it! Besides, if she liked it, why was she just dumping it under a sofa? I stayed in the same spot reading my book and keeping an eye on the cake under the sofa, just to make sure it wasn’t stolen. After another hour or so it was time for me to head down to my own lesson and so off I went.
    The day went by and before long it was 3 p.m.: time to go home. But before I headed off, I wanted to check on the cake under the sofa. If it really had been unwanted and discarded, I may as well take it and put it to better use. To my unhappy surprise, I found the cake still under the sofa and so I took it. On my way home, I decided to pop by at my good friend Rory’s house.
    “Good afternoon, Rory,” I said when he answered the door. “I shan’t stay long, I just thought I’d pop by a delicious cake for you. Hopefully you’ll enjoy it!”
    “Isn’t that the birthday cake you made for Laura?” he asked.
    “Well, yes, it is. But she left it behind under a sofa, so, I guess she didn’t want it. You, on the other hand, will probably enjoy it a lot more, so I thought I may as well give it to you!”
    “I’m not sure. You better keep hold of it. It could well be a misunderstanding. Maybe bring it in tomorrow, give it to her again and say you realise she’s forgotten it and so wanted to give it back?” he suggested wisely.
    So I took the cake home with me, and then back into school the next day. It didn’t actually see Laura that day, but I did bump into my friend Sarah who told me that she had been talking to Laura and she had said that the birthday cake was a very nice gift… So I then brought the cake in a third time the next day and on that day I did see Laura.
    “I couldn’t help but notice,” I said, “that you accidentally left the cake I made under the sofa on your birthday…”
    “Yeah, I always leave my stuff there for safe keeping, nobody looks there and it saves me having to carry it around!”
    “Oh, I see,” I said. “Well, I ‘rescued’ it from under the sofa the other day, so, here it is again.”
    And so the cake was finally properly delivered two days later at which point it would have been a lot less fresh.
    I suppose the moral of this story is that you should always assume good will even when it may seem that somebody may not be very pleased with your actions, most of the time it will probably just be paranoia and things are rarely as bad as they seem.
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The Simpsons Vs Family Guy

It was announced the other day that The Simpsons and Family Guy would crossover in a Family Guy episode called ‘The Simpsons Guy’ so I decided I would write about the two series and, in particular, which one I prefer more. I’ll cut to the chase and tell you now that I much prefer The Simpsons, but I’m going to explain why I find it better than Family Guy. Also, I must post a small disclaimer; I haven’t seen all of either series. There are about ten seasons of The Simpsons I’ve not seen and at least three of Family Guy I’ve not seen, so, things that happen in those seasons may contradict some points I make.
    First, no matter how silly The Simpsons may ever be, Family Guy is always sillier. I like fiction to have a certain degree of seriousness or else I won’t have the emotional investment needed to value it highly. For example, while an episode of The Simpsons may be about the family sleeping through church, waking up to find that it is Judgement Day and then heading down into Hell, an episode of Family Guy may have a character say in the rain on the street “Could this day get any worse?” only to have somebody run over and stab them. Now, I won’t deny, I laughed at that, I thought it was a very funny joke, but the thing is, in the next scene they were fine with no mention of being stabbed. It was just utterly meaningless; only there to make the audience laugh. Obviously, with The Simpsons example the family aren’t trapped in Hell from then on, and that’s never mentioned again either, but I see quite a difference here. The Hell ending does more than just making the audience laugh: it’s quite unsettling too and makes the ending quite disturbing. Also, the episode had been about the family dreaming while in church, all of them dreaming about themselves living the lives of various characters from The Bible. The episode based on Bible stories ends with Judgement Day much as The Bible itself does, which is probably intentional. Furthermore, it’s not too hard to reconcile that ending with other episodes; each of them had been having dreams throughout the episode, and that ending could easily be another dream. But the stabbing example cannot even be reconciled with the episode it’s a part of.
    Another good example is to look at how each series has handled crossovers in the past. The Simpsons did an episode which was a cross over with The Prisoner and Family Guy has done an episode which crossed over with House. The Simpsons/Prisoner episode didn’t do anything drastic to the character of Number 6 and he was generally portrayed much as he was in his original series, if you wanted to, you could fit that somewhere into the story of The Prisoner. Meanwhile, when Gregory House appears in Family Guy he is pretty much a parody of himself: somebody says ‘if you’re a doctor, you’ll need this’ and hands him ‘The Rule Book’ which makes House really angry and so he throws the book out of the window and later you find out that House was actually a criminal who dressed as a monster to terrorise people and, at the same time was an English man doing a fake American accent…

   Both Family Guy and The Simpsons are series with a floating timeline. Basically, this means that, while the series goes on for years and years, the characters stay the exact same age and not very much changes in the world around them. Having a floating timeline is definitely one of the things which have allowed each series to last so long, but at the same time it does bring up the problem of why they never get older despite the large passing of time which seems to have occured. The Simpsons will occasionally make a vague reference to this, with Homer saying something like “I remember when I was growing up in the fifties… or the sixties… it may even have been the seventies!” whereas Family Guy, in my opinion, takes it too far by, for example, having a pregnant woman give birth and somebody saying to her “Haven’t you been pregnant for about four years?”
    Which brings me to my next point: Family Guy does seem to use meta-fictional humour an awful lot. Somebody will say something and somebody will reply “Wow, I thought we had a clip for that!” or, say, introduce a live action singer to play them out, as if it were some kind of live variety show. I don’t mind meta-humour, and sometimes I even enjoy it, but being constantly reminded that these are just characters takes you right out of the world and reduces integrity. It also makes me care much less about any of the characters: if they know they’re fictional and can be stabbed one scene and completely fine the next, then why should I worry about them? If something bad happens, none of them should care, they’ll have no reason to worry since they know it’s always fine. A ‘Treehouse of Horror’ episode  of The Simpsons often makes me a bit uncomfortable because these loveable characters are being murdered or going through horrible events, but anytime there’s a threat or something similar in Family Guy, I simply don’t care about them.
    Now, I don’t want to sound too critical, I often laugh at the jokes in Family Guy, but, to me, that’s all it is, something to laugh at. The Simpsons, on the other hand is a show about a family with interesting stories, loveable characters and lots of good jokes too. I do like Family Guy, but it will never be a favourite of mine (like The Simpsons is) simply because it is so silly, and if it can’t take itself at all seriously, why should I?
(I do not own the copyright of any of these images.)
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The Case of the Misplaced Anger by Oscar Taylor-Kent

(This week on my blog I am posting an entry every day, and each entry will be written by somebody other than me. Today’s entry, an anecdote, is written by my friend, and fellow writer, Oscar Taylor-Kent. If you enjoy the entry, you might like to visit his site or his YouTube page.)

One of my friends (whom will go unnamed due to privacy reasons (I’m just joking, it is Adam)) will constantly recount strange anecdotes from his past and present. Everyone loves them. Some people find the sheer amount of them odd. How can so many crazy situations happen to one person? But maybe they happen to all of us more than we think, and we often don’t really try to remember them like Adam does. So I had a good old think, and remembered one curious situation of my own!

The Case of the Misplaced Anger

Shortly before going to college I was making more of an effort than usual to spend time with my friends from secondary school, as I was not sure how often I would see them once we’d parted ways. Often these meet ups would happen in town, as that’s just the sort of place where people meet. We would usually stop by one of the many food establishments for a bite to eat while we were there.

This particular time I was only hanging out with a friend of mine named Michael (this time an actual pseudonym). We had decided to stop by McDonald’s because it had been both directly in front of us, and it is cheap. Due to the fact it was just the two of us, we arranged that Michael would hold our seats, while I would go to order and procure the food. This is why I was in the queue for the tills alone.

As quite often happens in a McDonald’s queue it was very haphazard. Despite a sign requesting customers to please queue for tills individually, everyone was bunched up some distance from the tills, waiting for tills to be free. It was like an Argos or something. Clearly this had confused some people as one or two were hovering, unsure, in the cursed limbo that was between the queue and the tills. One lady in particular looking particularly agitated, and kept looking around at apparently nothing in particular. Her eyes would settle for a microsecond on the menu, drift to the specials, look over the tills, catch the various eyes of the queue, then dissect the space in-between. It was quite haunting.

Naturally I was glad to leave this behind when a till became free and the man behind it looked at me, tilted his head a little bit and made a quick and small hand gesture, followed by a soft nod. The silent communication was thus: “are you waiting?” to which I nodded and stepped forward: “ah, yes, I was waiting, here I come now”. I’m probably remembering it slightly wrong, but rest assured it was certainly a pleasant moment of being on the same wavelength and perfect communication, which put me in initially good spirits.

“Hey,” I said, arriving at the till. At this point, the harried woman from before appeared beside me, and cut me off before I could go on. She said a lot of swear words, generally along the lines of “I have been waiting a long time to get served and it is rude to be skipped over”, except far more incoherent and threatening, and the fact she had made no real effort to waiting in any sort of line. During her tirade the server and I shared a tiring look of “really?” Once she had calmed down I said

“Oh, okay, well I don’t mind if you go first.” The lack of confrontation on my part bamboozled her sense, as her face immediately crumbled. Like the flicking of a light switch her anger immediately became deeply apologetic. She said some things, but I don’t remember what. I wasn’t enjoying the situation, so I walked to the other side of the tills where a woman was free to serve, and serve me she did.

When I returned to Michael, he asked me what the scene I had caused was all about. “I don’t really know,” was all I could say.

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What is Your Favourite Song by Chris Hunter

(This week on my blog I am posting an entry every day, and each entry will be written by somebody other than me. Today’s entry is by musician Chris Hunter who’s song ‘Rich!’ is available on iTunes, other songs by him can be found on his SoundCloud page.)

There are some questions I don’t mind being asked. With my close girl friends we end up talking about our personal lives without even realizing and when I’m with my Uni course-mates we end up asking each other about our opinions of new music or our assignments. But when I am asked the question “What is your favourite song?” I end up freezing, unable to think.
    I am a big lover of music. I get that from my family and I really thank them for that, but having such an eclectic music taste, listening to many different genres of music and finding enjoyment from many forms of music, I found myself not being able to answer the question simply.
    I find music to be an extension of emotion, a metaphor or memory for a certain time in a person’s life, a distraction from important times and bad experiences, but being a producer of my own music, I primarily find music as inspiration. I listen to a song or an album and listen to each element: bass line, melody, drum beat and vocal and take emotion into consideration after I have found parts of the song, if not the whole song inspirational or enjoyable. It is rare to find a track or an album that combines great production with clever and emotional writing, but the ones that do, I personally feel, end up going on to have high sales and successful songwriting careers. This doesn’t necessarily mean the artist themselves, as many stars have songs written for them to record for their album by songwriters away from the spotlight. This subtlety is something I find humbling. Though they will gain credit for it through royalties and will be given thanks on the album artwork, giving away something as personal as a song is something I would find hard to do, unless the price was right…
    I love a big production, but I also love simplicity. Just a singer and a piano or a guitar can make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up just as much as a symphony orchestra or a dirty dubstep drop. I know I have found a song I really like when I am either weeping as I find the message connects with me on a personal level or I am jumping around the kitchen like a lunatic with his arse has on fire.
    But the one thing that makes music special is that it brings people together. Music is universal. You may never have met somebody before or just passed them by in the street, but finding a connection through music can often bring about friendship, relationships and even love. That, for me, is seen as why so many songs are written about love. Because music helps you to forget the good, the bad and the ugly, but it can also help you to remember them too. Emotion is what makes music so raw, so heart-felt and joyous.
    Going back to the original question, I can have a favourite ‘modern’ song for a period of time then it generally ends up being something else very quickly. I love a song that is inspiring to young people to be themselves and love who they are, so that is why songs such as  ‘Jessie J – Who You Are’ and ‘Christina Aguilera – Beautiful’ have always stuck out in my mind as saying:
“Hey, I am me, and I am happy with that.”
    But they aren’t favourites of mine. They’re bloody good songs, but not an all time favourite. You have band like ‘The Beatles’, ‘Queen’ and ‘The Rolling Stones’ that revolutionized how the world sees British music. You have modern equivalents such as ‘Coldplay’ and ‘Muse’ plus artists like ‘Adele’ and ‘Emeli Sande’ who have conquered America and the rest of the world showing how dominant British artists are on the world’s stage. (Don’t get me started on ‘One Direction’, but they’re good-looking lads and are successful, so hats off to them.) Their songwriting is clever, catchy, recognizable and relatable, but neither of these artists have written my favourite song.
    To conclude, it has taken me a long time to work out what my favourite song actually is. I know many of my friends may ask: “What the hell is this?” but this song has such simple electronic production, which I found captivating. It gives a sense of atmosphere and presence, which I find exciting, but this was a song I found when I went through a tough time that helped me to realize I wasn’t alone. Now when I am asked the question ‘what is your favourite song?’, I don’t have to bore people with my top 100.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9WdUgn0XkU

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Interrupting Cow by Elliott Egan

(This week on my blog I am posting an entry every day, and each entry will be written by somebody other than me. Friday is the day that a new Finger Puppet Show is posted and so the script for today’s strip was written by my old friend Elliott Egan. It doesn’t tie in with the current Ghost storyline, so consider it as taking place just before.)
Adam, we get it with the moo puns. Stop milking it.

(finger puppets can be bought here)

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Relationships in Fandoms by Emma Darcy

(This week on my blog I am posting an entry every day, and each entry will be written by somebody other than me. Today’s entry is written by Emma Darcy. Emma studies the same Creative Writing course as me at Bath Spa University. If you enjoy this entry, you may like to head over to YouTube where you can find her vlog.)

One of the reasons I love fandom so much is because of the huge diversity of relationships portrayed in the work it produces (mainly fanfiction and fanart). There is something for everyone, no matter what the kink. You want Arthur/Merlin? Not a problem. Asexual!Sherlock/John? We’ve got it covered. Gender or racebent Avengers fic? Sure thing. You want to see Harry initiate a consensual threeway relationship with Ron and Hermione? I can get you some of that. I could also find you some excellent genderqueer and trans fanfiction, not to mention the fantastic true-to-life BDSM fic I’ve read over the years. And that’s just the more niche stuff. There are plenty of simple erotica fics out there as well – porn with and without plot – and while romantic relationships make up a large portion of fanworks, there’s plenty of stuff featuring platonic and family relationships as well.
    It’s not untrue to say that many fandoms are dominated by slash (male/male) fiction, sometimes at the expense of the female characters. Fandom can also engage in ship wars and bitching sessions to rival anything on a celebrity gossip site, and it’s a fact of life that some of the fanfiction out there is just plain bad. I should know – I’ve written some. It’s rare that a fourteen year-old ever comes out with anything particularly wonderful, after all.
    But fandom is also a great place to experiment with these things. Fandom can be a place to discover whether you like the idea of Dom/sub interactions, or if spanking turns you on. Maybe one person patching another up in the aftermath of a fight tickles your fancy, or the revealing of an embarrassing secret hits your emotional buttons. Because it isn’t all porn, though of course a hell of a lot of it is.
    If you can’t find what you’re looking for, fandom is the best place to try writing some of your own. And if you feel like you can’t do that, there are kinkmemes where you can ask writers to fill your prompts. You can even do it anonymously if you don’t feel like attaching your name to a comment asking for someone to write a Snow White/Sleeping Beauty crossover with choking, breathplay, and orgasm denial, or for an exploration of the mother/daughter relationship of Rapunzel and her mother after they’re reunited in Tangled. Somewhere out there, there is a writer only too happy to fill that prompt, and a bunch of people who will read it and praise you both for your time and imagination.
    Fanfiction, and its sexual side in particular, has been thrust into the spotlight over the 50 Shades phenomenon. What people unfortunately don’t seem to realise is that there’s so much more to fandom than borderline dub-con het fic. Fandom can be the most satisfying and safe place to explore your own cravings and learn about other peoples’, especially the sort of things that are rarely, if ever, touched on in the mainstream media. Things like asexuality and polyamory, and kinks that are heavily shamed, like watersports and humiliation. I’ve learned more about people’s desires from fandom than I would ever have from mainstream media, and the acceptance and compassion in many of these online communities is simply beautiful.


Where to Go

– Fanfiction.net and AO3 (Archive of our Own) are great places to look for fanfiction. You can narrow your search by fandom, pairing, genre, length, and all sorts of other things. If you become a member you can subscribe to the writers or stories you like and even post your own.

LiveJournal and Dreamwidth are blogging sites with ‘communities’ members can join and post in. Communities can contain fanworks of all kinds, from icons to fanmixes, and this is primarily where the kinkmemes can be found.

Tumblr is a bit of a mixed bag that can have a bit of a bite on occasion, but as long as you’re sensible it can be a lot of fun.

Glossary

AU: alternate universe. E.g. au where Neville Longbottom is the chosen one instead of Harry Potter.
Beta: the person who essentially acts as a fanfiction author’s editor.
Canon: what has occurred in the original book/movie/TV show/etc. Facts of the universe as set down by its original creator(s).
Crackfic: fanfiction that reads like it was written while the author was on crack.
Crossover: one fandom’s universe crossing over with another. E.g. the Doctor flies the TARDIS to Hogwarts.
Drabble: very short fanfiction, similar to flash fiction. Usually under 500 words.
Dub-con: dubious consent.
Fanart: art of any kind with the chosen fandom as the subject.
Fancast: fan-made casting choices for characters.
Fandom: the community of the fans. There are different fandoms for different things, such as Harry Potter, Star Trek, Gossip Girl, and even bands like One Direction and Fall Out Boy.
Fanfiction: fictional stories set in the universe of a particular book/TV show/movie/etc.
Fanmix: a collection of songs chosen to fit a certain fandom, character, pairing, etc, arranged in album format.
Fanon: headcanons accepted by a large percentage of the fandom.
Fanvid: a music video of sorts of clips from a TV show/movie/etc.
Femslash: female/female.
Fluff: cutesy interactions between two or more characters. Doesn’t have to be romantic, but usually is.
Gary Stu: male OC who reads as a (usually poorly-written, but not always) self-insert by the author.
Genderswap/genderbending: changing the sex of a character.
Headcanon: fan-created events or theories that they adopt as canon without proof in favour or against it.
Het: male/female.
IC: in character.
Mary Sue: see Gary Stu, but the OC is female.
Meta: analytical, academic-style discussion or essay focusing on a fandom-related topic.
Mpreg: male pregnancy.
Non-con: non-consensual.
OC: other/original character invented entirely by the fanfiction author.
Oneshot: one-off fanfiction, usually quite short, not intended to be multi-chapter or part of a series.
OOC: out of character.
OTP: one true pairing – the pairing treasured above all others by a fan.
OT3/4/5/etc: one true threesome/foursome/moresome/etc.
PWP: porn without plot.
Raceswap/racebending: changing the race of a character.
RPF: real person fic, where the fanfiction is about the actors in the movie/TV show, not the characters they play.
Ship: a relationship between two or more characters. Can also be a verb, e.g. “I ship Dramione” = “I like the idea of/support/believe in the romantic relationship between Draco and Hermione”
Ship war: where fans of one ship engage in online warfare with fans of another ship. E.g. Aragorn/Legolas vs. Gimli/Legolas.
Slash: male/male.
Trigger warnings: warning of something that may trigger a negative response in a survivor of unpleasant experiences (e.g. rape, suicide, incest).
UST: unresolved sexual tension.
WIP: writing in progress.

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Atoms, Apples and All That: Four Favourite Physics Facts by David Tubb

(This week on my blog I am posting an entry every day, and each entry will be written by somebody other than me. Today’s entry is written by David Tubb. While he is a writer, he also makes a lot of films on things from magic and illusion to science. If you find yourself enjoying this entry, why not see more of his work on his site or his YouTube page?)

I should just say, these are not necessarily my most favourite physics facts, and neither are they four in order of physical favouritism — they are just four of my favourite facts in no particular order.

Disclaimer: All facts are written out from my head, and — although true at time of learning (and in my belief of them) — I’ve never accurately checked anything off with modern scientific updates, so, just saying…

Atoms are 99.9999999999999% Empty

Picture

Let’s first consider just how empty that is. Suppose you are the centre of an up-scaled atom — the nucleus — and suppose your socks are the electrons that orbit the nucleus. Electrons orbit at a very far distance away, which is what gives atoms their emptiness. In this model, your socks would have to be orbiting your head at a distance of 50 kilometres away. This means there is just a lot of empty space between the middle of the atom and the outer “shells”, which of course means that anything made up of atoms (which is everything) is also very, very empty. To give an example: if you removed all the empty space from all of the atoms that made up the planet — and all the people, and all the cars and so on — you could fit the Earth, and everything on it, inside a single apple.

So Why Don’t We Fall Through the Floor?

The above probably produces rather a problem along the lines of: If Atoms are 99.99999-whatever percent empty, then surely we’d expect to fall through the floor? This is where it gets even more fun. You see, the outer “shells” are made up of electrons, and electrons have a negative charge. This means that when two atoms float near each other, their shells repel each other away, and so all matter (which is made up of atoms) floats on what is called an electrostatic field. Essentially, as you sit (or stand) there now, you are levitating on your chair (or floor). When you stand on the floor, you are not really touching the floor, you are levitating ever so slightly above it, and that is why you don’t fall through the floor.

If You Travel in a Circle Fast Enough You Can Go Forwards in Time

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To explain this, we need to know Einstein’s basic principle of “nothing can travel faster than the speed of light.” Now, there is actually a theoretical particle called a Tachyon, which does travel faster than the SOL, but this is because it begins at a speed already beyond it, so — although this is rather irrelevant here — it is the breaking of the light barrier which is impossible and why, in that sense, we can’t go breaking into the SOL. Anyway. If you travel around in a circle very fast you can approach the SOL, but of course you cannot exceed it. Imagine that Bussyese, the great Bus God, has given us a hyper speed bus that goes at 99.99% of the speed of light. Ignoring the technicalities of how it would be hurtling around the world’s surface, just imagine the fact that it is and therefore that it is going round and around in a big circle.

At this speed, it is physically impossible to go any faster. We cannot break the Light Barrier — but, what if someone on the bus sneezes? Their violently fast sneeze adds to the forward velocity of the bus, which of course puts us at risk of going at a speed greater than the SOL. However, as stated by psychical law, we cannot break the Light Barrier. So instead, physics must slow down the inside of the bus to prevent anything on the inside adding to the forward velocity. (The bus itself is not slowed because this is a single, physical unit that is not “inside” something — I realise this is confusing, but never mind it for now.) So anyway, because physics has slowed down the inside of the bus, that means the things on the outside of the bus (ie: the planet it is hurtling around) will be moving “faster” — of course they are actually just moving at “normal” speed, but due to time being relative, the people in the bus feel they are moving at “normal” speed and the outside world is going much faster. This of course means the people inside the bus are going forward in time, because they are “slower” than the outside “normal” world. To put this into a little more perspective, if the people inside the bus spend an entire day travelling at 99% of the SOL, this equates to an entire year passing on the outside of the bus.

If the Sun Were Made of Pineapples, it Would be Just as Hot

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Pineapples, or paperclips, or sofas or cats, or anything form of matter — it would still be just as hot. The sun is hot, not because it is “made” of hot stuff, but because it is very, very heavy. It weighs about a billion, billion, billion tonnes, and this huge mass puts the core under immense pressure which in turn leads to the high temperatures. So if you dump a billion, billion, billion tonnes of anything into space it would creature just as much pressure and be just as high in temperature.
The only problem is that our Sun is made up of hydrogen and that is what keeps the fusion reaction going — our supposed pineapple sun would cool down quickly, instead of burning for billions of years.

And that concludes the kinds of things I like to think about. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it, and I thank Adam for letting me write this for his blog.

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