Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James

PictureThis book isn’t for me…

The story follows the development of the relationship between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. Christian is into BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism) and Ana just wants a regular old relationship (something she’s never had before, as she has never before been attracted to anybody). Once they’ve met, Christian just seems to be horrible to her 75% of the time and she spends a lot of time very upset by his behaviour.

After about one hundred pages, they start to have sex with one another and, my goodness, I found this very hard to read. Some scenes in particular made me feel downright nauseous, for me, it was horrible. I found myself worrying every time they were alone together that, before long, they’d just be engaging in some explicit activity. On the other hand, if you like that sort of thing, maybe you should view this as an upside.

Another thing that really bothered me was Christian. He is a terrible, arrogant, annoying person, how on Earth anybody can read this and find him to be an attractive partner is beyond me. Quite often he’ll force sex onto Ana and, since she’s so obsessed with him, she lets him do it. So, since she’s so obsessed with him, she lets him rape her. Yep. The worst thing is, that it’s never really shown in a bad light, he never seems to be condemned for this.

The only upside, for me, was that there are a few sections of the novel where the two of them are emailing each other, and, in fact, they were quite enjoyable. Ana has more confidence when she emails and so is happier to stand up to him and criticise him, which is good. These email scenes are throughout the book too. Though, sadly, one time she’s criticising him in an email, so he decided to come round for a little bit of rape. Oh dear. It’s not the worst book I ever read, I did still want to find out what happens to the characters (and I wonder if I should read the sequels or not) but this was not good.

Rating: 5/10

But it here.

(I wrote a fanfiction of the novel called Christian Learns a Lesson, read it here. Unlike my usual writing style, it does contain one instance of bad language.)

(Laci Green made an agreeable video on the novel which I saw shortly after reading it, watch it here.)


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Banjo-Kazooie

This game is the first in the excellent Banjo-Kazooie series, which is a spin-off for the character Banjo, from Diddy Kong Racing. The story starts with Banjo fast asleep in bed and his sister, Tooty, outside chatting with Bottles the Mole. Then, all of a sudden, Gruntilda the witch flies down, grabs Tooty and flies her back to her castle so that she can suck the beauty out of her and put it into herself. Not the most serious of storylines, but then again it’s not the most serious of games and that doesn’t change the fact that it is absolutely wonderful.

To get to Tooty, Banjo, along with his talking pet breegul Kazooie, must make their way through Grunty’s expansive castle. You may think that just making your way through a castle doesn’t sound too fun, but, when I say expansive, I really mean it, inside she has created various ‘worlds’ which Banjo must make his way through in order to get to her. There is a very big variety of worlds too; you get to explore a swap, a haunted house, a forest, a docking bay and even the stomach of a cyborg whale, that’s not all of them either, and they’re all populated with interesting and amusing characters. All of these worlds are very brightly coloured and accompanied by an amazing soundtrack, giving every area such an amazing atmosphere that even just walking around and not getting on with things is fun. All of this, for me, is combined with a lovely sense of nostalgia, making it a firm favourite.

The world which I enjoyed the most was one called Click Clock Woods. This, as I’m sure you’d expect, is a wood, which is a nice enough place to adventure, but Click Clock Woods is much more than that. You can choose whether you visit during spring, summer, autumn or winter and things are different depending on how they have been affected by the seasons. I love this idea so much, it’s inspired a photography project of mine, which regular readers may know about, but I am getting off topic.

The only problem with the game is that it’s too short! It doesn’t really take that long to do absolutely everything, and you can only pass so much time wandering around levels you’ve already beaten. The Xbox 360 edition of the game is even worse in this regard, as once you collect a musical note (there are one hundred notes hidden in every level), it is gone forever, whereas in the other version you can go back to a level and collect all of the scattered musical notes over and over again. One the other hand, the 360 version does connect to Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts, which is quite an exciting addition. Overall, this game stands as a real pinnacle in the world of 3D platformers.

Rating: 9.8/10

Buy it here.

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Start a Blog!

I decided I would take the time to write an extra entry today because today is my blog’s two year anniversary, here’s a link to the very first entry, if you’d like to see it. My only real regret about my blog, is that I didn’t start keeping it earlier! It makes me very happy that I have continuous posts of writing going back to 2011. It gives me a look at how my writing style has changed and evolved over that time, but above all, it gives me a look at how I personally have changed over that time too and in a few more years it will be even more expansive and valuable to me. There are so many entries about small nice or funny things that happened which I may well have forgotten otherwise and it also provides me with a place to share memorable stories from my life.
    I don’t know anybody else who keeps a blog as regularly as I do, and that’s sad, really, because I’d certainly love to read something written by my friends. The problem is, I think, that it’s not fun right away. When I first started writing this blog, there were several times when it felt boring, or when it felt like a chore, and I just wanted to stop; often it was hard to think of anything to write for the entries and there were times when I didn’t want to keep writing it. But I kept going and now my blog is something that is invaluable to me. I limit myself to three entries a week (usually) so that I don’t run out of ideas but I often get so excited about my entry ideas that I can’t wait for the next posting day to come along. So, really, I think more of you should start a blog, it may not seem so at first, but it is a very rewarding exercise.

Also, since it’s been two years, I decided to go through every entry and count the number of appearances of all of my friends. I’ll post the four who have appeared the most often here along with the number of entries they are in.

1. David Tubb, whose total number of appearances is 40. (This was my expected outcome.)
2. My friend who I can’t name (but I can link to her blog), who at a very close second, is in 39 entries.
3. I wanted to just have a top three, but Dalfino Madrigal Keyte and Elliott Egan are joint in third place. Each of them have appeared 28 times.

This is blog entry 433.

(sorry, not sure if that’s interesting to anybody, but I love statistics and such, so I thought I’d make some!)

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Restaurant

Shot on location in one of my favourite restaurants: Nando’s! They do indeed have an unlimited refills offer and I have thought the exact same thing as Gary many times. You can actually just about see my brother Kristen behind Gary in all of the photographs too, if you look.

All finger puppets can be bought here.

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Kindness

After Monday‘s entry, a friend of mine told me that I should follow it up with a list of twenty good things people have done to/for me, so, that’s exactly what today’s entry is! I did plan to post this yesterday, but I ended up being quite busy, to it’s now the regular Wednesday entry.
1. I’ve mentioned before what I think the kindest thing anybody ever did for me was.
2. Three different people have told me that I’m the nicest person they ever met.
3. A friend of mine once surprised me with a bottle of my second favourite kind of lemonade (Boots).
4. A friend of mine once surprised me with my favourite kind of lemonade (Fentimans).
5. A friend of mine once gave me a book, just because I was ‘such a good friend’.
6. A friend of mine once surprised me with a ginger bread cow. (You’ve seen this before.)
7. I was voted “Most likely to become an author” in my final year of compulsory education.
8. A friend of mine once got me a yoyo for Christmas, then when it broke, got me another, and told me I can look forward to a third.
9. A homeless man once called me “a really beautiful person”.
10. Before leaving Corsham to return to their university, a friend of mine dropped off some Thorntons chocolate for me.
11. One night, when feeling a little sad, a friend of mine invited me into their bed so I wouldn’t have to be alone.
12. Having Colin Baker say that he thought the amount I had to pay for his autograph was unfairly high.
13. Somebody who was almost a complete stranger once came up to me and complimented me on my blog.
14. Having somebody challenge me to a rap battle and then telling me they’d give up because there was nothing bad to say about me.
15. An English teacher of mine very kindly read about fifty thousand words of my writing just to help me improve.
16. Having lots of my friends read my one hundredth story as they considered it a special occasion.
17. A few times I have been trusted with secrets that nobody else knew.
18. Being told I give ‘perfect advice’.
19. When I had to visit the hospital recently, I had multiple people offering to come with me.
20. Finally a small thing, and a bit of a cheat, but I always love it when somebody tells me that somebody I don’t know that well has said nice things about me.

Deary me, I feel a little like I’m arrogantly boasting now! This list was a little hard to make than the other, which is sad, I suppose.

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Abuse

I’m feeling a little lazy today, so, rather than just writing out a regular old anecdote I’m going to try something different. Since the most popular entries are about something funny or embarrassing happening to me, I thought I’d just give a quick context-less list of twenty bad things, that way you’ll also get a hint of things I’ll make entries out of in the future:

So, somebody has:

  1. Set my hair on fire.

  2. Set my trousers on fire.

  3. Set my tie on fire.

  4. Hid some kind of disgusting rotten meat in my bag.

  5. Watched me getting changed.

  6. Punched me in the face.

  7. Spat in my eye.

  8. Tried to club me with the branch of a tree.

  9. Replaced the water in my water bottle with vodka.

  10. Kicked me in the crotch.

  11. Forcibly removed my clothing from the waist down (and outside too!).

  12. Tied me to a pole.

  13. Sent me anonymous rape threats (along with information of places I walk alone).

  14. Sent me death threats.

  15. (this one is hard to explain: you know how kids will sometimes stretch an action figure’s trousers forward to check and see if they’re anatomically correct? Well, somebody ran up to me once and did that to me.)

  16. Poured acid into my eyes.

  17. Poured vodka into my eyes.

  18. Almost drowned me by holding my head under a gushing sink.

  19. Threatened to stab me, in person.

  20. Thrown a chair at me.

But never mind, heh heh 😀

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Star Trek: The Next Generation/Doctor Who: Assimilation² by Scott Tipton and David Tipton

PictureThis is a very exciting crossover between the two television series Star Trek: The Next Generation and Doctor Who. You might worry that, if you’re only familiar with one of them, you might not be able to understand the storyline, if you’re a Star Trek fan and only have a rough understanding of Doctor Who (a face changing alien travels through time and space with his human companions) you’ll get on fine, but if you’re primarily a Doctor Who fan, I will say that you should at least have seen the Star Trek story The Best of Both Worlds to fully understand this.

Anyway, the story goes that the Eleventh Doctor, Amy and Rory are going about their adventures as usual, as are Picard and his crew, when they run into each other. The Doctor soon realises that two universes have been merged and that the Cybermen of his universe have made an alliance with the Borg of Picard’s universe. The Doctor and Picard must then team up to ensure the safety of every universe. Along the way, there is also a brief appearance by the Fourth Doctor as well as Captain Kirk and his Enterprise crew, which is nice.

The majority of the artwork is done by J. K. Woodward and it does look very nice indeed. All of the characters are drawn in an almost photo-realistic way and it makes it easy to imagine this as an actual live action crossover. Having said that, there’s the odd moment when a character will randomly look very weird, and it’s quite jarring.

While the story is generally enjoyable, the thing which bothered me the most was the Doctor’s morality; his ethics here seemed contradictory and hypocritical when you look at his actions in various television appearances. I actually found myself agreeing with Worf, of all people, over the Doctor at one point. I also felt that the ending seemed a little rushed. But ultimately, as a fan of both franchises, this was still something I enjoyed very much indeed.

Rating: 8.8/10

Buy the first half here, and the second half here.

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Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson

PictureThis book is full to the brim with wonderful pirate tropes. Without this, the pirate genre in general may well never have been so popular, and would definitely be very different. This was a very influential novel.

The story is narrated by Jim Hawkins, a boy who works at an inn, He has a fairly normal life there, until somebody named Billy Bones comes to stay and then somebody named Black Dog comes by looking for him. Before long, Billy Bones is dead, and Jim finds himself in possession of an old treasure map that used to belong to him and decides to set out on an adventure. He comes into contact with an old sea cook named Long John Silver, then they start their quest to find the treasure.

As I mentioned at the start, this book is full of typical pirate tropes, and I love it for that! I love the pirate genre and in this book you have pirates with pet parrots, mysterious tropical islands, lots of references to real life pirates, life out on the sea and all other wonderful things. My favourite part, actually, is probably when they are wandering around on the island at night, I don’t want to spoil it, but what happens is really quite creepy and certainly left a lasting impression on me.

One downside, though, is that while this is a moderately short novel, it still manages to be a little be boring at times. The boring sections never last for any significant length of time, but, I found sometimes something interesting will happen, and then immediately after something mediocre will happen and your excitement will go if you continue reading. I also felt that, while there were some rather interesting characters in the novel, Jim wasn’t really one of them, the narrator just seems to be a generic boy of his time and is not really very exciting, especially when compared to the likes of Long John Silver (who is a very good character)

Still, this novel is definitely worth reading, especially for those who are fans of the pirate genre!

Rating: 7.9/10

Buy it here.

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The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Volume 2 by Alan Moore

PictureThis graphic novel is a sequel to the first League of Extraordinary Gentleman book, and also, quite cleverly, takes place during the novel The War of the Worlds, telling us what all of the characters (who are all taken from other novels) did during the invasion of Earth.

I think the alien invasion storyline is a big step-up from the first one; it gives the whole thing a much bigger feeling of suspense and really raises the stakes too. Without wanting to spoil anything, I will tell you that the team will have some significant personal losses during the course of the story. What I did find, though, was that this second volume was much more sexually explicit than the last and, since this is a graphic novel, there are some very graphic images that go along with these scenes, so, I thought I had better put a warning!

On the subject of images, this volume, just like the first, is illustrated by Kevin O’Neill, and a very good job he does too! Again, there is a wonderful feeling to the nineteenth century England which is created through the pictures, and they’re able to set the tone of the piece quite well. I was also especially fond of the way the tripods were depicted: large and menacing, but cool and steampunk-y at the same time! Also, there are small easter eggs (most commonly references to classic novels) hidden in the background of scenes and whatnot, which are fun to spot.

I think this is a nice step up from the first one in terms of quality, and anybody who enjoyed that, should definitely read this one too! I’ll also add, that while this is a sequel, it works perfectly well as a standalone too, you don’t really need to have read the first one to be able to enjoy this, and, in fact, I hadn’t read the first when I first read this! It’s just a wonderful crossover of literary characters in the nineteenth century.

Rating: 9/10

Buy it here.

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Beware

I’d be planning on making this for quite a long time! This is only Dracula’s second appearance, and his first wasn’t even a proper strip.

Finger puppets can be bought here.

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