Objective Reviewing

I was recently having a chat with a good friend of mine on the subject of being ‘objective’ in reviews. I realised that, as I write a lot of reviews here, I should probably make a post on my stance regarding reviews and my own personal ‘system’ for reviewing things.
    I don’t believe there is any way to objectively value a piece of art. I know some people may say “But what about pieces that do something completely new and then revolutionise their mediums?” but the thing is, when something like that comes along, later artists will adopt the revolutionary aspects and use them in their own work in ways which some people may enjoy much more. So while the piece the revolutionised the medium may be historically significant, you can’t say it’s better, indeed, taking the context into consideration like this is even rather subjective, to be truly objective you’d have to disregard everything but the art itself. The way I see it, every piece of art is loved by one person and hated by another, would either of them be wrong? I don’t think so.
    When I write a review, I always like to give whatever I’m reviewing a score out of ten, and I just want to be clear that the score is about how much I enjoyed it and not how close it is to some mythical idea of artistic perfection. My reviews are 100% subjective and I don’t want to try to be otherwise because I don’t believe it to be a worthwhile endeavour. Does that mean my reviews aren’t useful at all? Well, I hope not. I like to think that if I write about much much I like (or don’t like) something, there’s at least a reasonably sized chance that somebody else might feel the same way.

(Don’t miss my latest article for SmartDating UK on whether or not online dating is useful.)

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Donkey Kong (Game Boy)

PictureIf somebody bought this and started playing without any real foreknowledge, they may do the first one or two levels and think it was nothing more than an enhanced port of the original Donkey Kong, but that’s not the case at all. All four of the levels from the original have been nicely remade (with better graphics and control scheme) as the opening for the game, but after that there are nine whole worlds for Mario to make his way through in his hunt for Donkey Kong (who, once again, has kidnapped Pauline).

What I like quite a lot about this game is that it’s very unique. The nine worlds Mario goes through are all quite different to any of the worlds in other games; one level has you making your way through a big city, another has you chasing Donkey Kong around on the outside of an aeroplane mid-flight. Also, each level isn’t a case of getting from the start to the end, instead you are required to think a little more; Donkey Kong runs ahead with Pauline and goes through a door which he locks behind him and in each level you have to find a key and you win by bringing it to the locked door.

Another interesting thing about this game is the fact that this game has the same system for attacking enemies as Super Mario Bros. 2 which is quite different to the norm. Instead of just being able to jump onto enemies to defeat them, you either have to pick something up and throw it at them, or pick up another enemy and throw them at each other. This helps further give this game it’s own very unique feel, because while it does have elements from other games, it uses them in new ways and combinations.

I think this game serves as a grand finale for the old Mario/Donkey Kong conflict, there are nice references to the games that came before it and, frankly, this game stands a full head and shoulders above all the rest. It took me eight and a half hours to complete this game compared to the twenty minutes or so you can beat any of the others in, and I like that. It’s the only one of these games to have any real soundtrack too, and there is some very nice music indeed in some areas. I have a feeling that this game may have been made as a tribute to the early Donkey Kong games as it came out the same year as Donkey Kong Country which completely changed the direction of the series.

Overall, a wonderful little game which can feel very rewarding at times. Rating: 8.5/10

Buy it here.

(Don’t miss today’s Finger Puppet Show!)

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DK: King of Swing

PictureYou know, before I properly start this review, there’s one thing I want to say about this game; doesn’t it seem really weird that it’s called DK: King of Swing and not Donkey Kong: King of Swing? I can’t imagine why they just decided to initialise our hero’s name. Not to complain, of course, but I’ve always found that strange.

Anyway, after Rare left Nintendo it seems they were a little unsure about what exactly to do with the Donkey Kong series. There were several different new Donkey Kong games made by several different developers and all of them seemed to be trying to take the series in new, experimental directions. King of Swing is one of those more experimental titles.

The story line is pretty weak: The Kongs are getting ready for a jungle tournament, when King K. Rool comes along and steals all the medals (which they’ll be using as prizes) meaning that the whole event has to be cancelled. I know games like this are more focused on being fun than having an amazing story, but does that just seem a really pathetic evil plan?

Luckily, the game is nice and fun, so you can forgive the bad storyline. There are five worlds full of 2D levels to get through, but they aren’t just regular sidescrolling platformer stages. You need to climb upward through levels (using ‘pegs’ to grab hold of), avoiding enemies as you do so. This is nice because it’s quite unique and it means that some levels require quite a degree of skill, as the climbing can be quite difficult when you’re holding on to moving ‘pegs’. It’s all very enjoyable and it never gets too hard or frustrating. As with the original trilogy of Donkey Kong Country games, there are also a number of hidden items to find in each level, which adds to replayability. It’s just a shame there are only five worlds.

Outside of the ‘Adventure’ mode, there are also ‘Jungle Jam’ events you can play (‘Jungle Jam’ being the event K. Rool disrupted in the story mode). Here you can choose from climbing races, fights and games where you have to destroy barrels. These are quite fun, but nothing special. As a bonus, there are a selection of playable characters in this mode, including, Diddy, Dixie and Funky, with more to unlock as well, which is quite nice. This can be played in single or multiplayer, where, if you have a link cable, you can play the game against somebody else on their Game Boy Advance (and only using one copy of the game).

On the whole, it’s a nice attempt at experimentation and a welcome addition to the series. I found the soundtrack could be a bit boring, and it’s a shame that K. Rool has given up his thematic disguises, but these are small problems with what is otherwise a lovely little game.

Rating: 8.7/10


Buy it here.

(I now work for Smart Dating UK, don’t miss my first article for them!)

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Donkey Kong II

PictureWhen people think of the original Donkey Kong trilogy, they probably think it goes: Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr., Donkey Kong 3 but they’d be wrong because, what a lot of people don’t know is, there is actually a Donkey Kong II. This game was a Game & Watch exclusive, there was never an arcade or NES version, and this probably is a big part of why it’s been mostly forgotten. But, I have to say, this is probably my favourite Donkey Kong Game & Watch game.

Story-wise, it seems to be a repeat of Donkey Kong Jr.; Mario has kidnapped Donkey Kong (that man seems to have a nasty habit of doing that!) and so Donkey Kong Jr. sets out to rescue him. I guess a slight difference is that, this time, rather than putting DK in a cage, he held him in place with chains (one on each limb).

The game takes place across two screens, which is quite nice. You have to get Donkey Kong Jr. up to the top of the trees where Donkey Kong is held, tossing keys up along the way so that you can unlock the four padlocks which are keeping him trapped. What I quite like is the fact that you have to go through the level in both directions (both up and down) as it makes a nice change from the other early games in the series. There’s also a nice mixture of nature and technology, with electrical cables mixed in with the branches of the tree, and I find that quite cool. At times the difficulty does feel a bit unfair though, as there are so many enemies that it seems like there’s nothing you can possibly do to avoid them.

A controversial opinion, I’m sure, but this is actually my joint favourite of the early Donkey Kong games. The gameplay feels fast, it’s fun to replay and the graphics don’t look bad. What’s especially impressive is that it achieves all that as a Game & Watch title. Rating: 6/10

Buy it here.

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Donkey Kong Jr.

PictureEveryone knows the original Donkey Kong, but its sequel Donkey Kong Jr. is perhaps a little more obscure. Nonetheless, this is an interesting piece of Nintendo history, featuring the debut appearance of the eponymous Donkey Kong Jr. and a very rare villainous depiction of Mario.

The game is a direct sequel to the original Donkey Kong and is Mario’s revenge against Donkey Kong for his earlier kidnapping of Pauline. Mario locks Donkey Kong away in a tiny little cage and Donkey Kong Jr. goes through four different levels in order to rescue his father. It’s very short, but, you can go through it again and again in order to get high scores (in both a normal and a hard mode) and there’s also a two-player mode where you take it in turns with somebody else to go through the levels.

It’s a nice enough little game but there’s not much to it and it does have its downsides. Donkey Kong Jr. moves really sluggishly and dies really easily. Of course, touching enemies will hurt you, as with many games, but falling really short distances also kills you and often you’ll jump a distance that seems perfectly fine only to be annoyed when he dies. On the subject of jumping, it feels like he’s really bad at it too, he barely leaves the ground. I think he probably has the exact same level of mobility as Mario did in the first game, but for some reason it feels much worse for Donkey Kong Jr. perhaps because he’s bigger. Sadly, having the only playable character be so cumbersome has the knock on effect of making the whole game feel rather slow, which is a shame.

So, it’s nice to play the game and know that it (much more than the first Donkey Kong) is the seed from which the spectacular Donkey Kong Country series later grew, but as it is, this is nothing more than a curiosity for the fans.

Rating: 5.9/10

Buy it as part of the compilation Donkey Kong Classics here.

 

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Donkey Kong (Game & Watch)

PictureWhen Donkey Kong became a big success for Nintendo, of course they wanted to release a version for their Game & Watch range so that people could play it ‘on the go’. Sadly, the technology to simply port it onto a portable device did not exist at the time and so the game was completely remade as a Game & Watch title. This had its upsides and its downsides.

As is the case with most Game & Watch games, there is only one level now and it’s kind of like a combination of the first and last levels of the original game. You use ladders to climb up onto girders and have to avoid rolling barrels as you do so. Eventually you get to the top where you have to turn on a crane with a switch and swing on its hook in order to sever the cables which are keeping up the platform that Donkey Kong is standing on. So many aspects of the original game are lost, which is a shame. On the other hand, however, this one level is now much more detailed; rather than just looking like girders in a black void (as it originally did) the events of the game now very clearly take place on a construction site and you can even see the skyline of a city in the background.

But while the level itself may look nicer, all of the characters look very weird (even in the box art, as you can see!). Mario looks like a generic Game & Watch man, Donkey Kong looks has a very weird face and Pauline (who is actually part of the background) is just a really bad doodle of a woman. The gameplay is also much jerkier and unnatural, making it often hard to time things, but then all of these things are to be expected of any Game & Watch title due to the limitations.

Once you’ve beaten Donkey Kong, you can continue to play through again and again to increase your high score and I actually prefer the Game & Watch score system over the original (it’s more fun), but other than this and another few minor improvements (it’s quite nice to see such an old double screened game too), I think this is a game you’ll only enjoy if you’re a big Nintendo, Mario or Donkey Kong fan.

Rating: 5.5/10

Buy it here.

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Watchmen by Alan Moore

PictureAlan Moore’s Watchmen is a standalone graphic novel, which takes the superhero genre and tries to play it as realistically as possible. The result is something which is very pleasing and something which can be enjoyed both by fans of the genre and those who are unfamiliar with it.

The titular Watchmen are a group of superheroes who are publicly known and used by the government, and none of them are really the paragons of morality that you’d classically associate with superheroes. Perhaps the most disgusting of the group is one called The Comedian, a character who is immensely unlikeable and who commits a wide variety of atrocities throughout the story. My favourite, meanwhile, is Dr. Manhattan a man who, after some mistake in a science experiment, has become virtually omnipotent. Dr. Manhattan is very interesting because he knows everything that is going to happen, including what he is going to do, so he can only do what he knows he is going to do as he is bound by causality to do so. At one point he comments that for him, all of his life is happening at once, and he can duplicate himself to do multiple things at the same time, and, as I’m sure you can imagine, this makes him seem un-human to some, especially his romantic partner, who feels quite alienated by it. A lot of the team are shown to struggle with things like that, and it makes them all rather endearing characters.

I must warn anybody who’s going to read this, though, that it is rather a depressing story. There’s rape, the murder of innocents, the deaths of main characters, war crimes and all manner of other horrible things. All of this is against the backdrop of the 1980s fear of nuclear war and we’re constantly told how the cold war is escalating and how a nuclear strike is becoming more and more likely. But this feeling of doom, this sense that the end of the world could come at any moment, gives the whole thing such a great atmosphere and feeling of tension that it can be hard to put down.

So, on the whole, I’d say this is well worth a read. The only downsides, for me, were the fact that it became a bit too depressing at times and that there was also the occasional boring period.

Rating: 8.4/10

Buy it here.

(Don’t miss today’s Finger Puppet Show!)

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Chilli Challenge

In 2008 I went out to the local park to meet up with my friends Matt Smith and Elliott Egan. It was a regular thing back then, and I always had a lot of fun. Anyway, this particular time, Matt had brought with him a bag of tiny, especially spicy chillis. These days I absolutely love eating chillis, but at this point I hadn’t ever had one before. There was also another person from my school there that I knew.
    “You should eat one of these,” Matt said to me.
    “I’m not sure,” I said, thinking of all those videos where people ate chillis on the internet.
    “Yeah, you should,” said Egan.
    “I’ll have one,” said the other person.
    “Good,” said Matt. “And you should too, Adam. I had one earlier.”
    “Well, I guess I don’t mind too much,” I said, hoping I’d not regret it.
    So the other person and I were each given a chilli and we booth ate them at the same time. Since it was so small, it was all gone after about three bites. It tasted kind of nice at first, and it wasn’t really hot at all. After that, though, the heat came. It wasn’t unbearable, but it was a little uncomfortable. But, in a way, the warmth of the chilli felt a bit nice. In fact I was enjoying it. Nothing wrong with it at all.
    Sadly, while I may not have had any real problems with the chilli, the other person didn’t seem to be handling it well at all. He fell to his knees, groaning in pain. Eventually, even that was too much, and he was just lying on the ground screaming and crying. I offered him a sip from my Trusty Water Bottle to ease the pain.
    “Did you chew your one, Adam?” said Matt. “It’s no wonder it’s not hot if you didn’t chew it.”
    “Oh, I did,” I said, “it just doesn’t seem that hot.”
    And it didn’t. I’ve never done anything like that again, but I am rather fond of spicy foods now. Nando’s is one of my absolute favourite places to visit with friends and I always get the ‘extra hot’ sauce on my burger. People have remarked that I must have something wrong with my mouth, meaning I never have trouble with spicy things. Maybe they’re right.

(Don’t miss today’s Finger Puppet Show!)

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Kid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters

PictureFour years after the first Kid Icarus, a sequel (Kid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters) was released. However, while this is a return for the characters of the first game, this isn’t much of a sequel story-wise. At the start of the game, Palutena has a premonition of the coming of a demon named Orcos and so to prepare for this, Pit must travel around to three dungeons in order to obtain the three sacred treasures… Just like he did last time. Of course, this time Orcos is the villain, rather than Medusa, so the story isn’t exactly the same, but I can’t help but wonder why Pit didn’t just keep the sacred treasures after the last game.

In terms of gameplay, Of Myths and Monsters is pretty much exactly the same as the first game. It’s a 2D platformer, but instead of just sidescrolling, there are also levels where you have to move upward. There are, of course, also the three dungeon levels where you have to find a boss who guards a sacred treasure, but can pretty much go where ever you please (left, right, up, down) as you make your way through. Quite nicely, a few little annoying problems from the last game have now been fixed: enemies will now sometimes drop items which can restore health (an enormous help), when you enter a shop (or other building) you don’t have to wait for all the shopkeeper’s speech to slowly appear on-screen before you can move (which was annoying when you didn’t even mean to go in) and power ups are also much easier to come by. Graphically, I think this one is just a little nicer too (even though black and white).

The biggest noticeable difference between this game and its prequel is the difficulty. The first game can be very tricky indeed at parts, where as this game (aside from the bosses) is never really hard at all, which is a shame because they’ve added all these things to make it less hard as well, even though you don’t need them this time. You’d think this decrease in difficulty would be quite good, considering the other one felt too hard at times, but with this game not being hard, you realise that it’s actually very short. You can breeze through this in under five hours and, other than doing it again, there’s not much else you can do after that.

So, I think this game takes a step forward at the same time as taking a step back. I can’t rate it any higher or lower than the first one.

Rating: 7.9/10

Buy it here.

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The Moon on a Lake

During my first year at university, every Thursday there was a plenary lecture which went from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. and was given by guest authors each week. These were absolutely lovely, but it was at least a little inconvenient for me to get back to Corsham so late in the day, especially when I often had early classes on the Friday. As such, I had a nice little arrangement with my friend Tülin where I would sleep over at her house on those days.
    So, on the day of each plenary, I’d arrive a little early, meet her at her house and then we’d go down into town and get the bus to the university. One day when I came, it just so happened that she hadn’t eaten yet, so she asked if we could go to McDonald’s before getting on the bus, and since she was providing me with a place to sleep for the night, I could hardly say no. So, we went to McDonald’s and she very kindly bought be a vegetarian burger along with her own dinner (and it was really rather tasty). That was all very nice but it did, however, make us a little late.
    When we arrived at the university, the lecture had been going for about fifteen minutes and the prospect sneaking in in the middle was not an attractive one. We could just turn around and go home, but we did still want to see our friends who would be in the lecture, so we decided to have a walk instead and then afterward we’d just wait outside the lecture to speak to our friends when they came out.
    I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before many times, but Bath Spa University’s Newton Park campus has an extremely nice surrounding countryside area, my favourite part being the ‘lake side walk’. When my friend and I walked down there, I’d been there several times before, but never in the middle of the night (as it was then). Up in the sky, there was a full moon and with winter now beginning to take hold, there was that wonderful crisp feeling in the air that comes around at the end of the year. The whole time, there was the peaceful sound of flowing water too.
    As we came around the corner, we stopped and waited by a fence and looked down at the lake. The full moon and the stars were reflected on the water in the most beautiful way imaginable. I was very, very happy indeed, because by this point I was completely convinced that I would have an extremely good time at Bath Spa University. In the heart of winter, just my friend and I, I thought that the lake may indeed be the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I wasn’t much of a photographer, but I took out my phone and I just had to take a picture.
Sorry if I got your hopes up! It seems my phone’s camera wasn’t quite capable of capturing what I saw. But when I look at this picture, it helps me to remember what it was really like even more and I hope I never forget. It’s also nice to consider that, at the time, it would have seemed to be a ‘bad’ thing to miss the lecture, but in retrospect it was a very ‘good’ thing.

(Don’t miss today’s Finger Puppet Show!)
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