Today, I wanted to do something a little different for a blog post. Instead of telling a specific story or anything like that, I decided to do a kind of mood board of words. Perhaps it’s a little artsy and pretentious, but below are just a few sentences that I’ve said to different people who are important to me, in different ways and in different contexts. I don’t want to share whatthose contexts are or anything like that, but I feel that there’s a certain beauty in sharing these little snapshots on their own.

When I see you, I can’t help but contain the smile that appears on my face.

If I don’t end this hug, then we’ll always be together and I won’t ever have to say goodbye.

You inspire me to be the version of myself that exists in your mind.

When I left school and went to university, I made a collage of pictures of the people who had been good to me, the people who I always want to keep in my life, I called it the Friend Square. Since then, I’ve never stopped adding to it. I want you to know that I added you onto it last night.

The things we’ve been through together mean that there’s now an unbreakable bond between the two of us.

How exciting – to see my two favourite people looking back at me from the other side of the screen.

I don’t know that I’ve ever cared for another person more than I have cared for you.

Life doesn’t get much better – Christmas time, Christmas lights and one of my very best friends.

I wish I could transfer my good health into you, so we’d both just be mildly unwell, rather than having me be fine and you very unwell.

You are the Watson to my Holmes.

You are the Holmes to my Watson.

You are the Moriarty to my Holmes.

Was this enjoyable? I have another similar blog post in mind for the future, but I’ll have to wait to get some feedback on this one first…

I have a feeling that none of us ever truly comprehend the positive impact that we have on the people in our lives. I’ve certainly known many of my very best friends to severely underestimate the extent to which I value them and the extent to which other people value them too. Earlier this week, I discovered that I was guilty of doing much the same thing.

In recent times, I’ve been feeling pretty good, but I have to admit that 2018 and the latter end of 2017 were very difficult for me. My mental health was at an all time low. Though I am now back on track, on Wednesday I decided share the experience publicly online – just to give anyone else going through the same thing a bit of solidarity and to encourage more open discussion on mental health in general.

I didn’t expect much to come of it, beside maybe receiving a couple of likes, but honestly, I was overwhelmed by the resulting outpouring of positivity. People were sending me all kinds of positive messages; telling me that the world would be a horrible place without me, telling me that I was such a kind and selfless person, complimenting me on my attempts to make people feel valued. Admittedly, a lot of this came from my very best friends, who are likely to have a bit of a pro-me bias, but it wasn’t just them: someone I don’t know quite as well opened up about his own mental health struggles, someone I didn’t really think I’d hear from again sent me a long and touching message – practically everyone I’ve ever known was sending me “love reacts.”

My goal in life has always been to be a positive influence in the lives of my friends – to make them feel happy and valued. The experience I had earlier this week made me feel that I am achieving this goal – that what I do is right and good and worthwhile. So, if you’re ever feeling low – be open about it, let people know that you’re struggling. You probably don’t realise quite how much everybody values you and, furthermore, by being open you may too help other people to open up as well – this will then help them and may even start a wave of postivity.

I was walking through the streets of Chippenham on my lunch break today, when I passed an enthusiastic stranger. “Yes!” he shouted loudly, “yes! Smiley badge man! Yes!” Apparently he quite liked the smiley face badge that I wear. I thought, perhaps, that today I’d write about the story of my smiley face badge.

Back in 2012, I was very happy – I had pretty much everything I wanted in life. I’m very fortunate to have experienced such a high. In that time, I decided to buy a smiley face badge to reflect my contentedness in life – since then, I continued to wear it because it was a nice connection to a very special time.

When having dinner with an old friend in 2015, they asked me if I had always had that badge, because they felt like it suited me very well and it was easy to imagine it had always been there. Though they were wrong, I quite liked that they thought I’d always had it.

In 2017, I decided that it would be nice to start giving these badges to people as a sentimental item – something I’d only give to my very closest friends. I tried to give them for significant reasons: one was given to a friend to cheer them up, one was a farewell gift, one was an engagement present, several were birthday presents.

In 2018, I had to replace my original smiley face badge with another, as the original was becoming significantly worn out. I was sad about replacing it, but decided, like my Trusty Water Bottle, that though its physical form may be replaced, its essence and soul remains the same – so, therefore, so does the meaning behind it. I do keep the original in my wallet at all times though.

During that year, I also gave a smiley face badge away to somebody who I didn’t count among my very closest friends. I knew a colleague was feeling unhappy about a lot of things, so I put a smiley face badge on a packet of Thornton’s chocolates and left it there for them. I thought of it as a kind of calling card. In a nice turn of events, they ended up becoming somebody I count among my closest friends anyway. The magic of the smiley face badge made it so

In the past, people often misunderstood it and thought that it was a sign that I was a fan of the graphic novel, Watchmen. I’ll admit it’s a good read and I do like it – but not enough that I would make it a part of my everyday apparel. If people were to mistake it for anything, I wish it would be the face of Koro-sensei, the star of Assassination Classroom. I remember one time in particular, somebody asked “Are you a Watchmen fan?” I said “No, just a fan of happiness!” and they laughed, thinking I was being sarcastic. But, on the other hand, somebody told me that they thought of me when they first saw the Assassination Classroom manga in a shop, because of the association with smiley faces.

The truth is that I wear it, not only, as a connection to the very happy era of my life in 2012, but also a reminder. When a lot of people have spoken about me, they’ve described me very positively – it sometimes feels like some people see me as a kind of superhuman positivity machine. I’m glad that I’ve been able to come across that way, but it’s also simply not the reality. I can’t be positive all the time, nobody can. Sometimes I am negative and in low moments, I have selfish and self-centered thoughts. My badge is a reminder to myself that life can be really good and to always try to be kind and make new friends – ultimately, to remind myself to be the best version of myself, the version of myself that my friends perceive.

(I have a terrible memory when it comes to this blog – in 2015, I wrote a fairly similar blog post. Thankfully, today’s has more meaning to it and is a little longer. I must always be careful not to repeat myself though!)